I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification
by Lord Raa
Summary: What if Shinji had different guardians? And what if he was exposed to new ideas during his upbringing?
1. Chapter 1

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Lifelike texture ; ;

* * *

Shinji Ikari yawned loudly as his alarm clock blared loudly in his right ear. 

"Morning already?" he asked the empty room. Thanks to the young man's upbringing, the dreams that were inspired by his first experience piloting Unit-01 hadn't disturbed him all that much.

"Nothing worse than Uncle Ivor's drawings," Shinji shrugged before getting his things ready for the bath.

* * *

Misato Katsuragi somehow managed to drag her hungover carcass out of her warm and comfortable bed. 

"Need bathroom…" she mumbled to herself.

The purple haired drunkard shuffled towards her bathroom and opened the door as she would have any other day.

"Good morning Misato-san," Shinji greeted cheerfully.

"Mornin' Shinji," Misato replied absently as she yawned loudly. When she moved her head back in front of her, she noticed that something was up. "Wait, what are you doing here?"

"You asked me to move in with you, Misato-san," the pilot replied as he replaced the towel he had just finished using on the rack.

"Oh yeah, I did. Anyway, I need to… you know," the Captain said, her right hand gesturing to the toilet.

"Of course, Misato-san," Shinji smiled as he walked to his room naked as the day he was born.

"Err… aren't you forgetting something, Shinji?"

The purple haired woman was surprised to see the teenager allow his penis to swing freely as he turned to face her.

"I am?"

"Your clothes?" Misato hinted.

"Oh, they're in my room – I didn't want to get them wet in the bathroom."

"Oh, ok," Misato's response was curtailed by the urgent need to relieve the pressure in her bladder. "We'll talk about it later."

Shinji shrugged as the door was slammed shut and turned back to his room.

* * *

That evening, Misato was glad to be back home. With the combination of an unholy amount of coffee and snack foods, she had managed to cut a swathe through the mountain of paperwork that threatened to collapse her desk. 

Feeling pleased with herself, the Captain was looking forward to a meal that had been prepared by someone else and several cold beers to help her deal with the hot and sticky evening.

What she wasn't expecting to see as she entered the kitchen to grab the first of her cold brews was Shinji standing at the stove dressed in only an apron.

"S-Shinji, where are your clothes?"

"Oh, welcome home, Misato-san," the pilot smiled in response. "Well, you see, it's a hot day and I find that if I just 'air myself off' then I can go about doing things rather than just collapsing in a heap. By the way, dinner's ready."

"Oh. But don't you feel weird walking around naked?" Misato asked as she pulled out a can of beer. "What if the neighbours see you like that?"

"I guess they'll do whatever they want," Shinji shrugged in reply. "I can't make them or stop them from doing anything."

"That's not what I meant, Shinji," the voluptuous woman countered after taking a long drink of her beer.

"Oh. What did you mean, Misato-san?"

"You're mocking me, aren't you, Shinji Ikari?"

"No, I'm just not sure what you mean."

Sighing, Misato decided to put the argument to one side for the time being. "Let's just eat, shall we? I'm starving!"

* * *

As the evening drew on, Misato found her eyes inexplicably wandering towards her roommate. 

"Shinji, it's a bit cooler now, so why don't you put some clothes on?"

"I don't want to make more laundry than I have to. Besides, it's not like it's freezing outside."

"True," the beer drinker admitted. "But don't you feel embarrassed about the fact that you're naked?"

"It's not the first time I've been naked outside of the bath," Shinji answered calmly. "Besides, I find that it helps me relax."

"You... find it relaxing to just sit around naked?" Misato asked incredulously.

"Yeah, it's less messy then some of the other things I could be doing."

"Do I want to know?"

"I don't know, do you?" Shinji asked with a straight face.

"… I'm going to take a bath now, so why don't you do the dishes?" Misato suggested while she rubbed her forehead in an attempt to fend off the oncoming headache.

"Ok, Misato-san," the pilot smiled as he stood up.

When she was alone, the beer drinker tried her hardest to get the image of her roommate's dangly parts swaying from her mind. "Damn it, I need to start drinking hard liquor…"

* * *

Ritsuko was surprised to hear her phone ringing, given the late hour. Deciding that it would be a welcome break from her current paperwork, she picked up the receiver. 

"Akagi speaking."

"¬Ritsuko, it's Misato. Is there anything in the files about Shinji's guardians before he came to Tokyo-3?¬"

"Err… let me check. Why, is there something the matter with Shinji-kun?"

"¬You could say that,¬" Misato replied with a sigh.

Ritsuko blinked as she heard a sloshing sound on the other end of the line. "Misato, are you drinking out of a bottle?"

"¬Trust me, I need this. You would too if you were living with a fourteen year old exhibitionist, Ritsuko.¬"

"Ok, that's not what I was expecting," the blonde admitted. "So, what happened? Did Shinji leave the door open when he went for a pee or something?"

"¬It's much worse than that, Ritsuko,¬" the increasingly drunk woman whined. "¬He… he likes to walk around naked to relax.¬"

"Misato, listen, we've all had a stressful few days. I'm sure that Shinji is still a little unsettled, what with the move and his new role and all. I'm sure that everything will be fine and Shinji just forgot to put his pants on. We've all had wardrobe mishaps, hell, I'm sure that you don't need to be reminded about that white t-shirt incident in college," the scientist calmly replied. "Just get some sleep and things will work out if you have a little faith."

"¬Since when do get to talk about faith, Miss Science?¬" Misato shot back.

"It works for some people, and since you have that cross, I figured you might be one of those people. But if that's the attitude you're going to take with me…."

"¬That's not what I meant, Ritsuko! I was just… hell, you know – you're so calculating and stuff, so to hear you talk about faith is a little weird, you know.¬"

"Yeah, well, we live in interesting times, so what harm can it do?" Ritsuko asked rhetorically. "I'll see you in the morning, so that means it's time to put the bottle down and crawl into bed. Good night, Misato."

* * *

Misato frowned at the handset she was holding. She didn't want to admit it, but her friend was right – she should try to relax without the help of alcohol, but the bottle blonde hadn't seen the way Shinji's bits were swinging freely like an ape in the jungle! 

Letting out a loud sigh, the purple haired woman decided that she'd spent enough time in the bath and stood up.

The combination of heat, alcohol and a head rush caused an idle thought or two to enter her mind.

"What if Shinji walks in? What would he do? Just how big is he?"

For better or worse, the door remained closed and Misato's head cleared enough for her to realise what she was doing.

"Damn, Ritsuko was right, I just need to get some sleep."

* * *

Shinji heard the doors to the bathroom and Misato's bedroom open and close as he lay on his bed. 

"I wonder if she doesn't like me… What would Uncle Ivor do?" the teenager asked himself.

'Shinji, if you find that an attractive woman doesn't like you, you could try foreplay to get in her good books. Compliments are usually a good idea. Start with her looks, intelligence and any skills that she's displayed. You just have to know what gets her motor running,' an older male voice replied in Shinji's head. 'Casual observation of what she keeps around her should tell you what sort of thing she likes or dislikes.

'Stalking her like she's your prey is for when you're a bit older. Unless you really think that it's your only option, then you have to be like a ninja. And you can only observe, never interfere, otherwise it's over. However, if you're known to her, then you should start by doing nice things for her.'

"Right," Shinji said as he turned to select his clothes for his first day at school. "I'll make Misato-san as happy as I can."

Having prepared his uniform, the pilot left for his morning wash, uncaring of his nudity.

* * *

Misato's alarm sounded, rousing the woman from her alcohol-induced slumber. She rolled onto her back and after a few minutes of adjustment to the light, her brain had woken up enough to recognise the smell of breakfast being cooked. 

"Is that Shinji cooking? Maybe I was more tired than I thought. Though maybe it won't be so bad if Shinji's doing the cooking – last night's dinner was pretty good…" the purple haired woman vaguely recalled.

After managing to get out of bed without too much trouble, Misato yawned loudly as she stretched, her full bosom pushed out.

Looking down, she was reminded that Shinji didn't seem too affected by her feminine charms. "Maybe he didn't get a good enough look? He does seem to keep himself to himself, so maybe he was being polite by not staring?"

Shrugging, the slightly hungover woman grabbed the pair of shorts that were on the floor and slid them on.

"Let's see what Shinji's made for breakfast."

* * *

"Good morning, Misato-san," Shinji greeted with a smile as he placed two plates on the table. "You've got excellent timing, I was just about to tell you that breakfast was ready." 

"Well, luck is part of my skill-set," the Captain winked playfully. "So, what have you cooked for us this morning?"

"Just some instant miso, omelette and rice; I didn't have time for anything fancier. Sorry about that."

"Oh, don't worry – it smells better than the toast I was going to have."

Shinji's light blush at the praise didn't go unnoticed by Misato. 'So he does have emotions after all. Maybe Ritsuko was right?' "Wait, are you wearing clothes under that apron?"

"I didn't want to risk getting any food on me – the apron you have isn't very big. But I am wearing pants this time," Shinji replied.

It was Misato's keen observational skills that kept her from panicking before her day had even started – she noticed that the young man was wearing black trousers. Though she did have to wonder why he didn't say trousers when that's what he meant.

The noises that came from her stomach forced that particular concern from her mind.

"Let's eat, shall we, Shinji-kun?"

* * *

Ritsuko noted that her friend and co-worker seemed to be in a much better state than she had expected. 

"What's up, Ritsuko? You look like you expected me to be rough as sandpaper," Misato smirked.

"Well, I can't say that expected you to be able to put the bottle down so soon after you called me. I'm assuming that you remember your college days, right? But I understand if you don't," the bottle blonde countered with an equally smug look.

"You know, if you had a better diet, you'd be less constipated. That is why you're so uptight, isn't it?"

"My bowel movements are none of your concern, Misato," Ritsuko replied in her haughtiest voice.

"Ok, that's too much information for me," Makoto Hyuga said with a sour look on his face. "Page me when you're done, I'll be elsewhere."

When they were alone, the two women let out the laughter they'd been holding in.

"You've really got that snooty bitch act down, Ritsuko."

"And you, Misato, I didn't think that you'd bring up defecation just like that."

After another moment's mirth, Misato brought up part of last night's conversation. "So, did you find anything out about Shinji's guardians?"

"To be honest, I've not had a chance. And I probably won't until later this week, what with the repairs to Unit-01 and everything," Ritsuko explained with a sigh. "But don't let that stop YOU from investigating."

"Me? Do I have to?"

"You're the one that brought this up."

"Yeah, but I didn't want to do any hard work," Misato whined.

"Well, either you do it or you wait until I've got time. I'll let you know when I'm free, Misato."

* * *

At Tokyo-3 Middle School, Shinji Ikari was completing the necessary forms for his enrolment. 

"There, that should do it," he smiled at the receptionist. "Is there anything else I need to do?"

"Not at the moment," the older lady behind desk smiled back. "Your class is 2-A, it's on the fourth floor. You need to take a left when you get to the fourth floor and it's the third on your right."

"Thank you," the pilot bowed in thanks. As he made his way up the stairs, his thoughts turned to his classmates.

While he didn't expect them to treat him any differently, he was wondering what he should tell them about himself. Misato had told him that most of what happened at NERV was top secret and that he needed to be very careful about what he told people.

And he didn't want anyone to get into trouble – he recalled what sort of thing happened to people in trouble from one of his Uncle Rocco's films.

"Misato-san seems like too nice of a person to enjoy being tied up and grabbed and poked and prodded like Yumi-nee-chan," the teenager mused. "But she seemed like a nice girl too…"

After a moment, he realised that he would be just as likely to get into trouble and seeing as he was of school age, he wasn't too thrilled about some of the possibilities that his Uncle Ivor had shown him.

"I don't think that tentacles are supposed to go in there…"

Before he realised it, he was at the doorway to his classroom. Knocking on the beige door, he waited for a response.

"Ah, it's you, Ikari-kun. We were expecting you," the grey-haired man smiled politely. "Please, come in and introduce yourself."

"Hello, I'm Shinji Ikari, it's a pleasure to meet you," the pilot bowed respectfully to the rest of the class. When he looked up, he noticed that there seemed to be more empty seats in the room than he expected. "Sensei, does it matter where I sit? I don't want to take anyone's place."

"You can sit in fifth row, next to Aida-kun," the teacher said as he gestured to a bespectacled boy.

"Thank you, Sensei."

As Shinji took his place, the class otaku appraised him causally. 'Why would he transfer to Tokyo-3 so soon after the other day?'

"Hi, I'm Kensuke Aida," the brown haired boy smiled.

"Pleased to meet you," Shinji replied before sitting down and pulling out his note book and pencil case.

* * *

Lunchtime arrived with its musical chimes and Shinji found himself talking to his class neighbour as they left for the schoolyard. 

Well, Kensuke was doing most of the talking, Shinji was nodding politely and answering at the right moments.

Finally, as they approached the brown-haired boy's favourite spot, it was time for the big question. "So… why did you move here to Tokyo-3?"

"My father asked me to come here," the pilot replied. He was hesitant to give too many more details, lest he get people into trouble.

"What does your father do, Shinji?" Kensuke followed up with a casual tone.

"I… don't really know many the details, but he works for NERV."

The otaku nodded as he opened his store-bought bento. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Shinji's looked slightly more hand-made.

'Lucky guy, he's got someone to make his food for him,' he thought enviously. "So, you move her with your dad and stepmom?"

"No… My mom's dead and I don't see my dad all that much," Shinji sighed sadly. "I don't know why, but I don't think he likes me…"

"Oh shit, sorry man, I didn't mean to be insensitive," Kensuke apologised. "My mom's dead, too."

"I guess we have more in common than we thought we did when we met," the young Ikari said with a small smile as he tried to salvage the friendship.

"Yeah. So, did you see any of that battle with that robot from the other day or any of the pictures from the aftermath on TV?"

'Crap, this was just what I wanted to avoid…' "Err… no, I was in a NERV shelter and I don't watch much TV," Shinji said evasively.

"Oh," Kensuke said, seemingly satisfied with the answer. 'He knows more than he's letting on. Maybe he's the pilot?'

After he looked at Shinji while the transfer student, he reconsidered that idea. 'Nah, he couldn't be the pilot – why would they make it so something that expensive needed a kid to pilot it?'

The two fourteen year olds blinked when something blocked out the sunlight.

"So this is the new kid, eh?" a loud voice asked rhetorically.

"Sato-sempai," Kensuke said, beginning to wish that Touji was here. "What can we do for you?"

"Well, seeing as there's a new kid in school and how I'm from the third year, I've got a little job to do. You know, tradition an' all that," the larger teen explained with an arrogant look on his face.

"Aww crap," the otaku winced as Shinji was hauled off the ground.

"What? What's up?" the pilot asked in confusion.

Kosuke Sato smirked. "Well there's a tradition here: the new kid, that would be you, gets initiated."

"H-how?"

"Well, I could beat the crap out of you and take your wallet, or there's making you walk around school half naked. What's it gonna be?"

"Well, if you put it that way, I'd prefer to avoid a beating. Will we be done by the end of lunch?" Shinji replied calmly. "I don't want anyone to get into trouble for being late back to class."

"How considerate of you, New Kid," the bully smiled. "Let's get you to the other part of the yard so you can streak across the school."

"Kensuke, could you take my things back to the classroom? I don't want to forget them when I get dressed again."

"Yeah, sure man. Are you really going to do this?" the otaku asked, unsure of what his new friend was planning.

"I find that it's easier if I do as I'm told," Shinji answered just before he was dragged off for his humiliating introduction to the bulk of the school population.

Five minutes later, Sato picked the young Ikari's clothes off the floor.

"See you inside, New Kid," the bully laughed as ran off in the direction of the 2-A homeroom.

Shinji frowned slightly at the thought of damage to his feet before letting out a sigh.

"At least it's not like it's raining," he mused as he began the walk to his classroom, seemingly oblivious to the reactions to his fellow students.

And there were indeed reactions. Some of the girls had seen the way he'd been taken to the far end of the school and forced to strip naked by one of the older students.

However, they were unsure of what to make of the polite smile on Shinji's face as he walked past them as if nothing was wrong.

Not that the first group of girls thought that there was anything wrong with Shinji's anatomy, given the way he was swaying gently as he walked past.

"He's a bit bigger than the pictures in health class, isn't he?"

"He doesn't care that we can see everything, does he?"

"Yeah, he kinda reminds me of Ayanami – you remember when she tripped and everyone could see up her skirt? She didn't even bat an eyelid."

"Doesn't he have any shame?" a stern voice asked as its owner walked up to the trio of gossiping girls. "Ikari-kun, why aren't you in your uniform?"

The pilot turned to the girl, not bothering to cover himself with his hands. "Oh, hello Horaki-iinchou. I'm in the middle of some sort of initiation rite, that who was it… Sato-sempai insisted I take. It was either this or being beaten up, and seeing as I don't like being in pain, I took this option."

"Gah, cover yourself up!" Hikari ordered, her face bright red with embarrassment.

"What? Why? Is something wrong?" Shinji asked innocently.

"You are naked in public, Ikari-kun," the class rep stated in a patronising tone. "That is against school rules. If you don't get dressed ASAP, you'll get into serious trouble."

"Oh, well, I don't want that. If you'll excuse me, I'll get back to our class where Sato-sempai has put my clothes."

The girls blinked in surprise as the naked youth turned on his heel and walked off at a calm pace to the main building.

* * *

During the afternoon lessons, the school network was running a lot slower due to the amount of instant messaging traffic it was carrying. 

Eventually, someone was brave enough to send a message to Shinji.

'¬Is it true that they made you walk across the school naked?¬'

The pilot mulled over the communiqué while he waited for the teacher to stop speaking. 'I don't see why I shouldn't tell them the truth…'

'¬Yes, it was that or get beaten up and I can't afford to be injured.¬'

There was a short delay, but the response was quickly typed.

'¬Why not? Do you have an after school job?¬'

'¬Sort of, but I can't really talk about it,¬' Shinji typed back, after realising who it was that was messaging him. '¬Besides, my Uncle Rocco always said I should take care of my looks.¬'

'¬Uncle Rocco?¬' the Class Rep repeated. '¬What did he do?¬'

'¬He is an entertainer. His professional name is "Rokku Haado".¬'

After three minutes, Hikari Horaki leapt from her chair and pointed accusingly at the new student.

"Y-you're a pornstar?"

"W-what? Why would you think that?" Shinji asked in confusion.

"I just searched for your Uncle Rocco's alter-ego, Rokku Haado, and the computers wouldn't let me click the links because they're ALL classed as 'Adult Material'," the Class Rep explained.

"I never starred in any of Uncle Rocco's films," the pilot insisted. "Well, not in the main scenes, I mean. I might have been a background extra in one or two of them."

The rest of the class blinked audibly as the processed what the two were telling them. However, their questions were cut off by the sound of the chimes that signalled the end of the lesson.

Kensuke, with his deviant mind, realised that if what Shinji was saying was the truth then he could get all sorts of filth for free.

"So, Shinji, about your Uncle Rocco," the otaku was about to in his most casual tone.

Unfortunately for him, he was trampled by the stampede and Shinji was mobbed by the rest of the class.

The barrage of questions came thick and fast.

"What's Rokku Haado like in real life?"

"How did you get into porno films?"

"Is that why you don't care who sees you naked?"

"Does being in porno films make your thingy bigger?"

All eyes turned to the person that asked the last question.

"Hey, in all the professional porn I've seen, the guys are much bigger than in the amateur stuff," Kensuke said as he dusted himself off.

When they turned back to look at Shinji, they saw that he was slowly backing towards the door.

"Err… look, there's that purple giant from the other day!" he said pointing out the window and running off down the corridor.

Ten seconds into his escape, the hapless Ikari slammed into something solid.

"Well, well, aren't you an eager one?" a sultry female voice asked.

* * *

To be continued... 

Well, this was forced upon my by a well known member of Hawk's forum.

You know who you are.

It was also pre-read by Chi Vayne. I might update this one again before doomsday :P


	2. Chapter 2

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: It's not voyeurism, it's intelligence gathering!

* * *

Chapter 2

* * *

Shinji looked up to see the person that was blocking his path. 

"M-Misato-san? What are you doing here?"

"Well, it seems that the young man that I'm looking after is causing trouble by streaking across school. Care to explain that one?" the purple haired beauty demanded.

"Well, the thing is, there was this sempai, and he was going to beat me up, but he gave me streaking as another option. And I thought that since I could be asked to, you know at any time," the pilot explained, hoping that his classmates weren't watching him and his guardian.

"Whoa, who's the babe?!" one of the male students asked.

"Yeah, she's hot!"

"Thanks boys," Misato winked. "Shinji, I think that we had better continue our talk in private."

"Ok, Misato-san," Shinji nodded.

Hikari, having fought her way to the front of the crowd, finally got a good look at Misato.

"D-do you star in Rokku Haado's films too?" she blurted out, feeling rather jealous of the older woman's impressive figure.

Misato blinked. "Where have I heard the name Rokku Haado before?"

"He's directed and starred in porno films," Kensuke explained, finally getting his mouth working when he saw the voluptuous woman standing before the crowd.

"Err… no, I'm not a pornstar," the Captain replied. "I'm Captain Katsuragi, Chief Tactical Operations Officer of NERV."

"Then what do you want with Ikari-kun?" Hikari asked. "What does he have to do with NERV?"

"Shinji-kun here is… he's the Commander's son," Misato explained, realising that it would be best if her ward's true status in NERV was kept secret for a bit longer. "And well, we need to get going."

"Why would someone as… important as you pick up the boss's son from school?" Kensuke asked, wiping a small amount of drool from his lips as his eyes continued to roam over the gorgeous woman.

"I'm not here to collect Shinji-kun; I'm here to sort out a problem from earlier."

"Oh, you mean when he breached several indecency laws?" Hikari asked before turning to glare at the bespectacled teenager to her right. "And you, Aida-kun, have you no manners? Stop drooling over Captain Katsuragi!"

"But she's…" the men replied in chorus.

"Stop that all of you!" the pigtailed girl shouted angrily. "You're all disgusting pigs!"

"Thank you, young lady," Misato smiled in appreciation. "What's your name?"

"Hikari Horaki."

'She seems to be a responsible person, maybe she can help reign Shinji in?' the purple haired woman asked herself. "Well, Miss Horaki. It's nice to know that some of you youngsters still have manners. Come on, Shinji, it's time for us to go."

* * *

Hikari was looking rather flustered when she realised that it was time for her to start preparing dinner for her family. 

It was something that her older sister, Kodama had noticed when she came to check up on dinner.

"What's up, Hikari-chan?"

"What makes you think that anything's up, Nee-chan?"

"Nothing much, except for the fact that your face is as red as the tomatoes you're cutting and you're about to put sugar in the miso soup. So go on, tell your big sister about what's bothering you," Kodama smiled reassuringly.

"Ok, well, it's the new student in my class. He's a bit unusual," Hikari started, finding her fingers rather interesting.

"Oh? Has my responsible sister finally noticed that not all boys are completely worthless sacks of meat?"

"Well, he's different to the others in the school, yes, but you see, it's who he used to live with before he came to Tokyo-3…"

"Oh? Did he know someone rich and famous?" Kodama asked, closing the gap between the two of them.

"S-sort of…" Hikari blushed. "H-he use to live with someone called 'Rokku Haado'."

"'Rokku Haado' the pornstar? Bloody hell, he does know someone rich and famous."

"…" the middle Horaki sister blinked. "H-how do you know about that sort of thing?"

"The internet, where else?" the voluptuous Horaki smirked knowingly. "So, what's this boy like?"

"Well, he is kinda cute, but he's a bit weird."

"What sort of weird? Is he a furry?" Kodama asked with a slight green tinge to her face.

"No, at least, I don't think so," Hikari replied. "He didn't look particularly hairy…"

"So he's got normal length hair then?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't talking about tha…" The younger sister quickly covered her mouth when she realised that she'd let something slip that she shouldn't have.

"Oh, is my little sister peeping on boys now?" Kodama teased. "Because, I didn't think that you were that sort of person, Hikari-chan."

"Nee-chan, it's not like that!" Hikari hissed.

"Then explain how you know just how hairy the new student is."

"He says he was forced to walk across the campus naked because of a sempai," the Class Rep explained, her cheek burning brightly with embarrassment. "I think that everyone in school got a good look at him."

"…" Kodama stood in stunned silence. "Just what sort of debauched antics do you middle schoolers get up to?"

"I know! I couldn't believe that Ikari-kun didn't even bat an eyelid at being made to walk across the school yard completely naked! He wasn't even bothered when I told him off for dawdling!" Hikari ranted.

"I see. So, how big was he?"

"About so… Hey! You're not supposed to be rude like that, Nee-chan!"

Kodama's only response was laughter as she ran off to her room to chat with her friends.

* * *

"So, aside from your public nudity, how was your first day at school?" Misato asked the teenager as he prepared dinner. 

"It was ok, I think I made a friend in my class," Shinji replied with an honest smile.

"That's nice to hear," the purple-haired woman nodded before taking a drink of her beer. "So, what's it like living with the infamous Rokku Haado?"

The pilot blushed as the name brought back memories of the first time he saw four sweaty naked bodies writhing and grunting in ecstasy in front of several cameras.

"It was an eye opener," he replied. "Would you like to meet him, Misato-san?"

Misato coughed as some of her beer went down her windpipe. "No, that's fine, Shinji-kun. Really."

"Oh, ok. Would you like to meet Uncle Ivor?"

"And what did your other uncle for a living?"

"He's an author and artist. He's not my real uncle, but he said considers me part of his family – just like Uncle Rocco did," Shinji said in fond remembrance.

The beer drinker nodded. "I know I'm going to regret asking this, but what did your Uncle Ivor write?"

"I think that his most famous work was 'Touching Folded Wings'," the pilot answered, unsure of why his roommate was suddenly looking so out of sorts. "Is something the matter, Misato-san?"

"I'm fine, Shinji-kun, is the food ready?"

"Yes," Shinji said as he lifted the pan from the stove. "I think that you'll enjoy this."

* * *

After the meal was eaten in a contemplative silence, Misato finally worked up the courage to ask the question that was weighing on her mind. 

"Shinji-kun, about your Uncle Ivor?"

"Well, he did say that Ivor wasn't the name on his birth certificate, but he told me that he had to go by a different name for his work and that he'd been doing it for so long that answering to 'Ivor Biggun' was natural. You look bothered by something, Misato-san. Are you really alright?" Shinji asked, his voice filled with genuine concern.

The voluptuous woman nodded, but kept her mouth shut as she tried to make sense of what she was learning here.

'I can't believe that Shinji used to live with Ivor Biggun! Touching Folded Wings is not literature: it's a work of art! Plus there's all his other works like Das Ist Verboten and Burning Eyes… all of them are pure filth!'

"Misato-san, I'm sorry for being a little forward, but are you sure you're alright? You look a little feverish."

"I'm just a little tired, Shinji-kun," Misato replied with a weak smile. "So, your uncles are both famous for providing 'adult entertainment' – that must have made things… interesting for you."

It was now the pilot's turn to look flushed. "Well, I, err, the thing is it wasn't as fun as you might imagine."

"You…" the beer drinker paused. "In what way wasn't it fun?"

"Well, the clean up on White Tsunami for a start."

Misato's face fell. "They made you… on a bukkake video shoot?"

"I wasn't on camera for that Misato-san. I just had to shampoo the carpets when they were done."

"Oh, I see. Wait, what do you mean 'not on camera for that'?"

"I helped out with the preparation, and in some cases I was an actor. Nothing much, just someone in the background to help with the plot. Besides, the White Tsunami clean up was nothing compared to Luscious Streams," Shinji added with a shudder.

"Is Luscious Streams that one where Rokku Haado, err, how should I put it?" the purple haired woman asked.

"Yep, and she squirts it out," the young man nodded, wishing that the conversation hadn't taken its current direction.

Realising that she might have made a mistake, Misato asked if there was anything on TV that her roommate wanted to watch. "You know, baseball or some anime. Whatever you like."

"I'm not too bothered, Misato-san. Actually, I might practice playing my instrument this evening. I'm getting a little bit rusty," Shinji replied.

"Do I really want to know?"

"What do you mean, Misato-san?"

"I'm talking about you and your 'instrument playing' – you're not going to lock yourself in the bathroom, are you?" Misato asked as she rubbed her forehead in an attempt to stave off a headache.

"Why would I do that, Misato-san? Are the acoustics in there special?" Shinji asked, not picking up in the innuendo.

"Acoustics? You mean you actually play a musical instrument?"

"Yes, I play the guitar. Why, what did you think I mean?" the pilot asked innocently.

"I just… you know what, never mind, Shinji-kun. I think I'll have a quick soak in the tub and head off to bed now."

"Ok, sweet dreams, Misato-san."

When he was left alone, Shinji let out a sigh. "I don't think that Misato-san likes me very much."

* * *

On the other side of the door, Misato blinked as she processed what she had heard her roommate say. 

'Why would he think that I don't like him? Haven't I been nice to him?' she asked herself as she prepared for a quick bath. 'Maybe Ritsuko's got an idea? I'll see if she's interested in coming over tomorrow for dinner.'

Grabbing the phone, the purple-haired woman headed off into the bathroom to talk with her friend.

* * *

"Akagi speaking," Ritsuko said calmly into the handset. 

"¬Ritsuko, are you doing anything tomorrow night?¬"

"I don't think that I have anything planned, why you need to get drunk or something?" the bottle blonde teased.

"¬No, I just thinking that you might want some company.¬"

"Well, if someone else is doing the cooking, I might be able to make time. What time were you thinking?"

"¬7.30 sound good to you?¬"

"I'll be there, Misato. Is there anything else that you wanted to talk to me about, or can I get back to work?" Ritsuko asked as she stifled a yawn.

"¬There is one thing – Shinji thinks that I don't like him.¬"

The scientist blinked. It was an odd thing to say, as Misato found it rather easy to make friends with most men. Commander Ikari was different, but then he wasn't the friendly sort.

"What happened, Misato? Did you laugh at him while he was naked?"

"¬No, I… I don't know why he thinks I don't like him, I do – he seems like a nice kid.¬"

"But what, Misato?" Ritsuko asked. "I know that there's something else here."

"¬It's… well, have you heard of the writer Ivor Biggun?¬"

The blonde pinched the bridge of her nose as she thought hard. "Maybe, what's he done?"

"¬What about some of his work – Das Ist Verboten, Burning Eyes, Touching Folded Wings? Do they ring any bells?¬"

"Aren't they dirty stories? And if so, what do they have to do with you and Shinji not liking each other?"

"¬Well, check to see who Shinji's guardians were – he says that one of them was Ivor Biggun.¬"

"And who was his other guardian?"

"¬Rokku Haado.¬"

"Ok," Ritsuko said slowly as she reached for her cigarettes. "I wasn't expecting to hear that name today. I'll have a look and I'll see what I can find for you. See you tomorrow, Misato."

* * *

After her bath, Misato felt that she needed to at least try to put Shinji straight with his perceptions. 

Deciding that there was no time like the present, the purple haired woman knocked on the door to Shinji's room.

"Shinji-kun, are you in there?"

As there was no response, she knocked again.

Still not getting any answer, Misato opened the door half expecting to catch Shinji playing with himself.

What she saw was surprising: nothing. The room was empty.

"Shinji-kun?" the purple haired woman asked, sticking her head around the door.

"Yes, Misato-san?" Shinji replied from behind his roommate.

As Misato jumped in surprise, her towel fell to the floor. "You shouldn't sneak up on people like that, Shinji-kun. You scared me."

"Sorry, Misato-san," the pilot said, his head bowed submissively.

"Enough of that," the nude woman said dismissively. "I wanted to tell you that I overheard you say that you think that I don't like you. And that's not the case – you're a good kid. A little… unusual maybe, but a good kid at heart."

Shinji looked up. "Y-you really mean that, Misato-san?"

"Yes, I do, Shinji-kun."

Maintaining eye contact with the older woman, the pilot smiled. "I-I like you too Misato-san. Did you want me to play you a song on the guitar?"

"Err, ok then. What can you play?" Misato asked as she followed the teenager into his room.

"I've been practising a lot of pre-Impact songs, mainly because Uncle Ivor said it helped him write," Shinji answered as he pulled out his black guitar case.

Flicking open the catches, he savoured the moment before he lifted the lid. It was as if Shinji considered it a special moment every time he touched his instrument.

Misato leaned over the teenager's shoulder to get a look at the guitar. "Nice."

The instrument in question was of an older design.

"Thanks, Misato-san. It's a replica of a classic guitar – the Red Special."

"'Red Special'?" the still naked woman repeated. "That sounds familiar… where have I heard that before?"

"It's Brian May's guitar. You know, the guy with the black curly hair from Queen," Shinji explained.

"I think I've heard of them," Misato replied. "Go on then, play away."

"Ok," Shinji nodded confidently as he pulled out a small amplifier and connected everything.

After a few practice strums, the pilot started playing the opening chords of Crazy Little Thing Called Love.

After thirty seconds, Misato pouted. "What? No singing?"

"I'm not very good at singing while playing," Shinji insisted, barely managing to keep playing from memory as he spoke.

"Oh, well, I suppose that it's a little bit much for a fourteen year old to be both a pornstar and rockstar."

"I'm not a pornstar," the pilot protested as he hit the wrong note. "And it's not like I'm good enough to be a professional musician."

"No, but you are still young, so there's plenty of time for you to get good enough," Misato replied. "Oh well, it's time for bed. Hey!"

"What's up, Misato-san?"

"When were you going to tell me that I was naked?" the naturally purple-haired woman demanded. "Were you just keeping quiet to get a good look at me?"

"No, I just thought that you weren't bothered by nudity any more," Shinji replied honestly. "It's not like you've got anything to be ashamed of, Misato-san."

"… You know what, never mind. I'm going to bed, and so should you."

* * *

On the way to school, Shinji was minding his own business, but was also on the look out for his new friend, Kensuke Aida. 

He didn't expect to be accosted by a group of older students in a uniform that he didn't recognise.

"C-can I help you?"

"Is it true?" asked a female with blonde hair.

"Is what true?" Shinji asked in confusion. 'Are they asking about Evangelion?'

"Your secret… is it true?" the same girl asked, making it clear that she was the one in charge.

"I… I'm not sure what I can tell you about the Evangelion," the pilot replied evasively.

"Wait," another girl interrupted. "What's this 'Evangelion' business?"

Looking around nervously, Shinji took a deep breath. "It's the purple robot from the other day."

The crowd gasped in unison.

"C-can I get by now? I don't want to be late."

"Yes, we can't have Ikari-kun getting into trouble," Hikari replied, having managed to fight her way through the assembled students. "Don't you all have classes to get to?"

"Who died and made you El Presidente for life?" the blonde asked, pointing her finger aggressively.

"She's Ikari's class rep," the brunette who asked about Evangelion replied. "Don't worry, I'll get all the juicy gossip later. Won't I, Hikari-chan?"

"Nee-chan, you shouldn't be encouraging people to act like this!" Hikari protested.

"Meh," Kodama shrugged. "We're bored. What are you going to do?"

The sound of the chimes warning people about tardiness sounded, making the visiting students realise that they had to be going if they didn't want to get into trouble.

"Pump him for information, Hikari-chan," the elder Horaki sister winked teasingly.

"Nee-chan!" the red faced Class Rep complained, much to the amusement of the older students.

* * *

On the way to their classroom, Hikari turned to Shinji. 

"Ikari-kun, I don't think that you should tell anyone else about that purple robot thing. You caused too much disruption yesterday."

"But you were the one that told everyone about Uncle Rocco…" Shinji insisted.

"That's beside the point," the Class Rep hissed. "You have to help me with the rest of the class – they're easily excited. Especially Aida-kun and his friend, Suzuhara-kun."

"Who's Suzuhara-kun?" the pilot asked.

"Touji Suzuhara, he's on the school basketball team and he's a close friend of Aida-kun's."

"I see, well, I'll try not to get people excited, but I'm not very good at lying," Shinji explained. "Uncle Ivor said that he thought that I was too honest for my own good."

"Wait, who's Uncle Ivor?" Hikari asked.

"Ivor Biggun, he's-"

"The artist?" the brunette blurted out.

"Yes, have you heard about him?" Shinji asked. "He used to do a lot more drawing, but he said that he felt that his eyesight was failing him and that's why he decided to start writing."

"I think that you'd better keep that quiet, too, Ikari-kun."

"If you think that it's for the best."

With nothing else to say, Hikari led the pilot into the classroom, expecting some sort of a reaction.

She did not expect to have the question "Are you dating Ikari-kun?" thrown at her. Nor did she anticipate the ribald accusation that she was only interested in him because of his daring exhibitionist nature and his larger than average equipment.

"That's just not true!" the flustered representative insisted.

"Oh, and why else would you be interested in Ikari-kun?" a voice from the back of the room asked.

"We're not dating!"

"It's true – we only walked up to the classroom together," Shinji added. "It was her older sister that seemed interested in me…"

"What?"

"Ikari-kun likes older women?"

"Well, what did you expect with him being a pornstar?"

"Hey, I never had a starring role in any of Uncle Rocco's films!" the pilot said firmly in an attempt to quash the rumours.

"Hey, enough of that, it's time to take your places," Hikari said as the chimes sounded.

* * *

During the lesson, Shinji was bombarded with questions about life with his Uncle Rocco. He was unsure of how to respond, given Hikari's request that he try not to excite his classmates. 

Then he had an idea: ask the responsible student for her advice.

Moments later, there was a response.

'¬Your Uncle Ivor seemed like a wise person, why don't you do what would he do?¬'

Shinji frowned at the reply he'd received. 'She doesn't know Uncle Ivor like I do.'

After typing out his reply, the pilot waited for further advice.

'¬… I forgot that you were living with perverts.¬'

"Hey," the young Ikari protested as he stood up. "Uncle Rocco and Uncle Ivor aren't perverts! They're good people."

"I asked you 'what would your Uncle Ivor do in this situation?' Your answer was 'I fail to see how seducing the school nurse would help' – how is that not perverted?" Hikari demanded.

"Who's your Uncle Ivor?" Kensuke asked.

"Err…" Shinji hesitated. He didn't want to upset the Class Rep any further, but he didn't want to lie to his new friend. "He's… an author."

"Oh, ok," the bespectacled youth nodded as he started his internet search for authors named 'Ivor'.

Seeing that things were now calm, the pilot sat back down. Two minutes later, there was an accusing squeal from the seat next to him.

"Your 'Uncle Ivor' is Ivor Biggun!"

"Yes, he is," Shinji winced, realising that Hikari was going to hate him after the lesson.

The girl in question just slumped in her seat with her face in her hands.

"So who's this Ivor Biggun person?" an anonymous voice asked.

"Wait a minute," the teacher interrupted, momentarily saving Shinji some embarrassment. "Ikari-kun, are you telling us the truth that your Uncle Ivor is the same man that co-authored 'Sisters of Mercy', 'Das Ist Verboten', 'The Prince's Woman' and 'Touching Folded Wings'?"

"Yes, he's the same person."

The chimes that signalled the end of the lesson sounded, much to Shinji's relief.

"Ikari-kun, may I have a word with you?" the teacher asked, tilting his glasses to the light reflected off them in a dramatic fashion.

"Ok, Kimura-sensei," Shinji sighed. He was getting the feeling that his new teacher was like some of his teachers at his old school – disapproving of what his Uncles did to earn their livings.

When they were alone, the pilot took a deep breath as he prepared his speech about not starring in any pornography nor writing anything even slightly risqué when Kimura-sensei spoke first.

"Ikari-kun, is it possible that you could get your Uncle Ivor to sign my copy of Lolita's Medicine?"

"What? You're not angry about what Uncle Ivor and Uncle Rocco do?"

"Why would I be upset about that? The artwork in Lolita's Medicine is some of the best I've ever seen. It's a shame that Ivor Biggun stopped drawing," the lecherous man said sadly.

"Well, he felt that his eyesight was failing him. It was taking him a while to get his character designs right," Shinji explained. "It was something that really upset him. That's when he turned his focus solely on writing."

"I see, well, do you think that you could get him to sign it for me?" Kimura asked hopefully.

"I think so, but I'd better check with him first – I don't want to impose any more than I have already."

* * *

To be continued… 

What can I say ? Pre-read by Chi Vayne and previewed at Hawk's Forum. That is all for now.


	3. Chapter 3

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Many Bothans died to bring you this update.

* * *

Chapter 3

* * *

At NERV, Misato and Ritsuko were discussing Shinji's guardians in the scientist's office.

"You know, Misato, while I had heard the name Rokku Haado, I did have to check up on a few things," the bottle blonde said with a smirk.

"Oh? Have you started behaving like Makoto and using your computer to look at internet porn?"

"I'll have you know that it was research at your behest, Misato," Ritsuko chided. "But that's beside the point. If Shinji-kun has picked up some of his Uncle Rocco's habits, then you might not want to bend over in front of him while you wear those cut-off shorts of yours."

Misato paled as she recalled one of Rokku Haado's particular penchants. "But Shinji seems like such a nice kid…"

After a moment's thought, the purple haired woman shook her head. "…Stop that, you don't know Shinji-kun at all. He's a decent person, even if he does like walking around naked."

"Now that you mention it, I think that I might have to stay late tonight, so I'll have to take a rain check on dinner," Ritsuko said with a fake disappointed tone.

"What's up, Ritsuko – are you afraid that if you see Shinji naked you'll turn into a shota-con?"

"Yes," the blonde replied without missing a beat. "You've found out my one weakness – teenaged boys that like to walk around naked."

"…"

"I'm taking the piss, Misato. Everyone knows that it's all about the lolis and their delicious flat chests."

"Oh. But are you coming over tonight or not?" Misato asked, momentarily unsure of how to get back at her friend.

"Yeah, I'll swing by at half seven."

"Great, I'll make curry."

* * *

Shinji was trying to eat his lunch in peace while he sat with his new friend, Kensuke.

He was not having much luck as the majority of the school populace were trying to find out more about his life with Rokku Haado and Ivor Biggun.

"So, Ikari-kun, what sort of thing did you do when you were on set with Rokku?"

"Well, I didn't do much – I helped out with the catering, fetched video tapes, handed people towels when we stopped shooting."

"So you didn't appear on camera?" Kensuke asked, hoping to disperse the crowd before they scared his potential source of filth away.

"No, not in a proper starring role," Shinji insisted.

"So you were a supporting actor?"

"Yes. Why? Why is everyone so bothered about this?" the pilot asked as he picked up his bento to finish his rice.

"Well, it's not everyday that we meet someone who knows someone famous. Besides, you even know Ivor Biggun – and he's a legend in his own right!"

"Yes, but they were both normal people," Shinji insisted. "It's not like they were giant robot pilots or anything."

"Two things sell stories," a black-haired boy said as he pushed his glasses up his nose in a way that made the young Ikari think that Kensuke had some sort of a rival. "Sex and violence. And while they might not be heroic warriors of legend, they certainly know what the public wants when it comes to the other thing."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that I know everything there is to know about how Uncle Rocco convinces all those girls to undress and bend over like that," the pilot whined.

"Wait," Kensuke said as he leant in. "Did you actually see your Uncle Rocco in action? You know, doing his thing?"

"Yes, I was on set for the filming of Backdoor Man and Tradesman's Entrance," Shinji nodded.

The two bespectacled youths asked the follow up question in unison. "What about 'Up the Bum, No Harm Done'?"

"Yes, I was actually on camera for that on-"

The crowd looked confused as to why Shinji paused. When they looked around, they finally noticed a trio of black suited men in black sunglasses.

"Shinji Ikari, you need to come with us on NERV business," a man with short cropped brown hair said cryptically. "We're from Section Two; we're part of your protection detail."

"W-what's the matter?"

"You presence is required," the Section Two man said. "Please, we need to get going ASAP."

"Oh, ok," Shinji nodded. "Sorry everyone, but I'm needed at NERV."

The suited men didn't make eye contact with the pilot when he made his assumption public.

When they were away from the crowds, the pilot asked what the situation was.

"Well, the thing is, we want to know if you know any of your Uncle's female co-stars; specifically ones from Tradesman's Entrance."

Shinji closed his eyes as he thought hard about that question. "Yumi Tanaka and Aoi Hondo were in that one. They were maids, I might still have their number – they said that if I ever wanted to talk with them, that I should give them a call."

"Ikari-san, if you are able to set us up with Yumi-sama or Aoi-sama or any of your friends, then we'd be extremely grateful – is there anything we can get for you?" the brown haired man asked with an infectious enthusiasm.

"I can't think of anything I need that I don't already have, but it's always nice to make a friend," the pilot smiled. "Now, shouldn't we get going for that emergency?"

"Actually," a man with blonde hair said as he closed his phone, "it was a false alarm. We're sorry about dragging you away from your friends like that, but it's our job to keep you safe and get you to NERV when an emergency does occur."

"Oh, well, thank you. I appreciate your hard work. What are your names?"

"I'm Nakata, this is Tendo and this Saito," the brown haired man introduced. "Again, we're sorry about this false alarm and we hope that you'll still be able to enjoy what's left of your lunchtime."

"Thank you, Nakata-san, I will."

When Shinji walked away to return to his spot, Tendo asked why Saito had made up the lie about the false alarm.

"Tendo, you really are an idiot, aren't you? We don't want to mess Shinji about if he can get us in touch with AV idols, now do we? Besides, the Brass would want to know why we're dragging the kid in without good reason," Nakata explained.

"Oh, I see. Well, that makes sense, Sempai."

"Good to see that you're learning, Tendo," Saito smiled. "Now, let's get back to the van."

* * *

Shinji made his excuses for not accepting any guests at Misato's apartment, though he tried his hardest not to mention that he was staying with a voluptuous older woman or anyone that could be mistaken for an adult entertainer.

As the pilot set his bag down on the floor, the phone started to ring.

"Hello?"

"¬Shinji, I'm glad that you're in. Can you tidy the place up a bit, Ritsuko's coming over for dinner and I won't have time to cook AND clean. That's ok, right?¬"

"Err, yes. I can do that for you, Misato-san. Is there anything in particular that needs attention?"

"¬Nothing springs to mind, but could you leave my room alone? No offence or anything, but it's my private space.¬"

"I understand completely, Misato-san," Shinji said honestly. "I like my privacy too."

"¬… Err, yeah, so Ritsuko's coming over at 7.30, so make sure that living room is clear and I can do my thing in the kitchen, ok?¬"

"Sure thing, Misato-san," the pilot said before his guardian hung up at her end. Looking around, he assessed his task. "It's not the worst mess I've had to deal with."

* * *

It was just before half past six when Misato returned home.

"Shinji?" she called out, hoping that her apartment would be at least respectable. "Wow."

It was more than acceptable in her opinion – Shinji had done an incredible job at cleaning up her slovenly mess. Even one or two of the stains that were there when she moved in had been taken care of.

"I guess that having Shinji move in was one of my better ideas," the purple haired beauty smiled proudly. 'Well, if you don't count his odd behaviour, that is.'

"I'm in the kitchen, Misato-san," Shinji called out. "Would you like a drink before you start cooking?"

"Yeah. Just give me a minute and be there," Misato replied having put her keys down. "I want to change first, so no peeping."

* * *

In the kitchen, Shinji sighed. "Why does everyone think that I'm a pervert? I don't try to look at women when they're not properly dressed: they just seem to find me and show me their naughty bits.

"Maybe Dr. Akagi will be different? Maybe she will understand?"

With those positive thoughts in his mind, the pilot washed his hands and made a pot of tea.

As the tea finished brewing, Misato breezed in, dressed in a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a pale green tank-top.

As she opened the fridge, Shinji noticed that his roommate's beverage of choice was alcohol.

When the curvaceous woman turned to her ward, she was surprised to see him frown.

"Is something up, Shinji-kun? Do you want a beer too?"

"…"

"Well, you're too young for that," Misato chided before taking a long pull from her can. "Tea and coffee is fine, but not booze. Especially not MY booze. Now, let me get started on dinner."

The pilot could only roll his eyes at the way the beer drinker tried to make a show of her cooking skills.

"Misato-san, you're about to put coffee whitener in that saucepan."

"What? Oh shit, you're right," Misato said as she realised that her plan to sabotage Ritsuko's meal had been rumbled. 'Still, maybe I can get out of cooking…'

"Sorry, Shinji-kun, I guess that I'm a bit more tired than I thought. Could you make dinner for me?"

Sighing, the teenager nodded. "Go on, Misato-san, take a bath."

"You're an absolute darling, Shinji-kun," the purple haired woman flattered shamelessly.

When he was alone, Shinji got up and pulled out the necessary ingredients for the curry. Realising that he didn't know how spicy to make the dish, he walked over to the bathroom and knocked loudly on the door.

"Misato-san?"

"What is it, Shinji?" Misato asked with a tired sigh.

"I just wanted to know: how hot do you want this curry?"

"I like it so I can taste the spices and the meat, but not so hot I can't taste anything until next week."

"Ok, I think I get it. I'll start working on it now, Misato-san."

With that, the pilot turned to his room to change his outfit in an act of stain prevention.

Less than two minutes later, Shinji was walking back to the kitchen to prepare the meal.

* * *

The doorbell rang, causing Shinji to glance at a nearby clock.

"Is it that time already?" he asked rhetorically. Turning off the stove, he walked to the front door to see if it was Dr. Akagi.

"Hello, Dr. Akagi," the pilot greeted politely.

"Hi, Shinji-kun. So, where's Misato?" the bottle blonde asked as she removed her shoes.

"She's in the bath. Is something wrong, Dr. Akagi?" Shinji asked when the visitor froze where she stood.

"…"

"Dr. Akagi?" the teenager asked, waving his hand in front of her face.

"… Shinji-kun, why aren't you wearing any trousers?"

"I didn't want to get my school uniform dirty and I don't have many clothes."

"Ok, that explains why you're not wearing a white shirt and possibly why you're not wearing any trousers," Ritsuko said dryly.

Shinji missed the sarcastic tone and smiled before turning back to the kitchen.

It was then that the scientist let out a shriek.

The door to the bathroom slid open and Misato rushed out to see what the problem was.

"Ritsuko? Are you alright?"

"W-why isn't Shinji wearing any clothes?" the blonde asked, feeling flustered for the first time in a long, long while.

"I told you that I didn't want to get them dirty," Shinji insisted.

"Oh," Ritsuko nodded. She blinked several times before realising that something was wrong. "Speaking of clothes, why aren't you dressed, Misato?"

"I was just finishing my bath. Last time I checked, you don't bathe with your clothes on, Ritsuko," the purple haired woman mocked.

"So you haven't yet been corrupted by Shinji-kun?"

"No, at least I don't think so."

"I haven't touched Misato-san!" the pilot insisted. "Why does everyone assume that I'm some kind of deviant?"

"Sorry, Shinji, but you have to admit that walking around naked isn't exactly normal," Ritsuko replied.

"What are you talking about? Misato-san's naked right now. And it was the norm rather than the exception back when I was living with Uncle Rocco and Uncle Ivor."

"Hang on, Shinji," Misato said. "I'm naked; you're naked except for a frilly apron. So why don't you have a raging hard-on?"

"Because I'm trying to cook dinner, Misato-san," Shinji answered truthfully. "Besides, I didn't think that Dr. Akagi was interested in that sort of thing."

"What do you mean, 'That sort of thing'?" Ritsuko demanded, her arms folded across her chest.

"It's just that you don't seem like the type of person that wants to see live sex acts," the teenager replied. "Nobody said anything about putting on an after-dinner show, but it's not too much trouble to put something together if you're that set on seeing something."

The way the two adults spluttered their protests made Shinji think that he'd misread the situation. Shrugging, he remembered that he had to get back to cooking dinner and left them to recover, not realising the effect his naked flesh might have on them.

Ritsuko was the first to recover her wits.

"I was wrong, Misato. I thought that you'd be a bad influence on Shinji."

"Yeah, funny old world, isn't it?" the purple haired woman replied. "Take a seat; I'll be out in a few minutes. Don't worry – Shinji cleaned up earlier."

"Thanks. Oh, one last thing, Misato," Ritsuko said with gritted teeth.

"What's that?" Misato asked.

"Put some damn clothes on."

"I'm going, I'm going."

* * *

Shinji wasn't sure what to make of the exchange between Misato and Ritsuko. While he was pretty sure that they were only teasing each other in the way that friends often did, confrontation always made him feel uncomfortable.

"That goes for you too, Shinji-kun," the blonde chided. "I don't need to see your genitalia dangling about during dinner.

"Oh, but I'm about to serve dinner."

"I'll deal with that," Ritsuko said.

"But… you're a guest. I can't ask a guest to help out like," Shinji protested.

"I insist. Besides, I find it highly unlikely that the gods of etiquette are going to smite you for one incident."

"But…"

"Go, I can serve up three dishes of curry without spilling it everywhere, believe it or not," the blonde smirked.

"Ok, but I'm doing this under protest," Shinji replied in a serious tone before handing the saucepan over. "I'll be right back."

Seconds after the pilot entered his room, Misato walked into the lounge.

"Hmm, something smells good."

"Yes. Wait, I thought you were cooking, Misato."

"I was going to, but Shinji offered and I needed a bath. It was just easier that way," the purple haired woman shrugged.

Ritsuko sighed. "Never mind that, let's get started, shall we? I'm hungry and this pan is starting to get heavy."

* * *

Shinji finished buttoning up his white shirt as he sat down at the table.

"What do you think to the curry, Misato-san?"

"It's great," the beer drinker said, pausing momentarily from shovelling the food into her mouth.

"It is good, Shinji-kun, though you had better get your portion before Misato does," Ritsuko added.

"Ok," the pilot nodded before tucking in to the spicy meal.

The teenager had managed to eat a good portion of his dinner when Ritsuko asked Misato a perfectly legitimate question.

"So, what do you think to the idea of taking a trip to meet Shinji's Uncles in person?"

Misato's sudden spit-take was powerful enough reach across the table, strike Shinji's clean white shirt and ricochet onto Ritsuko's blouse.

"You really need to swallow, Misato-san," Shinji sighed.

The faux blonde burst out laughing, much to Shinji's surprise.

"Dr. Akagi?"

"Sorry, Shinji-kun, it's just what you said. I take it you haven't heard about Misato in college?"

"Ritsuko!" the beer drinker hissed.

"What Misato-san did in her past is no concern of mine," Shinji replied. "I was just making the point that I can see how this apartment gets so messy if Misato-san can't even keep her food in her mouth."

"Oh, so you weren't referring to the fact that she should swallow more often after oral sex?" Ritsuko smirked.

"I wouldn't know about that, Dr. Akagi," the pilot replied pointedly. "Misato-san and I don't have that sort of relationship. We are roommates and we are superior and subordinate at work, nothing more."

"Oh," the blonde replied, taken aback by Shinji's serious tone. "So you don't like girls in that way?"

"What?"

"It makes sense why you didn't seem bothered by Misato being nude earlier. But then again, she is a bit older than you…"

"Hey!" Misato protested. "You're even older than me, Ritsuko!"

The sound of the doorbell gave Shinji a chance to regroup and formulate a proper response to the questions on his sexuality.

Looking down at his shirt, the pilot realised that he needed to put on a clean shirt.

"This is why I don't like wearing clothes in the evening," he sighed as he ducked into his room.

Moments later, the doorbell rang again.

"I'm coming."

* * *

To be continued…

Pre-read by Chi Vayne and previewed on Hawk's forum.

That is all for now.


	4. Chapter 4

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: If life gives you melons, make Internet porn. Or at least enter some wet T-shirt contests.

* * *

Chapter 4

* * *

"I'm coming," a male voice called through the door, causing the two visitors to look at each other questioningly.

"Are you sure that this is the right place. Hikari-chan?" the slightly older girl asked.

"That's what the school records say, Nee-chan," Hikari replied, trying to sound confident.

The door opened to reveal a slightly annoyed looking Shinji buttoning up his shirt.

"Can I help you?" the pilot asked as he lifted his head. "Oh, hello Horaki-san, what can I do for you?"

"Err… yes, I wanted to give you these printouts, Ikari-kun," Hikari said, thrusting some sheets of paper into Shinji's chest.

"Who is it, Shinji?" a female voice called out from inside the apartment.

"It's some people from school, Misato-san."

"Are you going to invite them in?" Misato asked, leaning back to see if she could see who it was.

"Err, ok. Please come in, Horaki-san," Shinji smiled. He turned to the older girl. "I'm sorry, but I didn't catch your name."

"I'm Kodama, I'm Hikari's older sister," the curvy brunette smiled.

"Pleased to meet you, Kodama-san."

"So, why were you buttoning up your shirt, Ikari-kun?" Hikari asked, having removed her shoes.

"There was an incident with curry earlier. Misato-san spilt some on me," Shinji explained. "Unfortunately, there's no curry left, but I'll get you all something to drink."

Kodama noticed that there were two pairs of women's shoes of slightly different sizes. "So, who's here with Misato-san?"

"Dr. Akagi," the pilot replied as he led the visitors through the hallway. "She works with Misato-san at NERV."

"…"

"Is something wrong, Hikari-san?" Shinji asked when his classmate stopped dead in her tracks.

"Y-you live here with her?!" the Class Rep asked, her finger pointing accusingly at the purple haired woman lounging around in a tank-top and cut-off jean shorts.

"Yes, why? Is that a problem?" Misato replied with a smirk.

"B-b-b-but you're dressed like…and Ikari-kun likes to… and he used to live with…"

"Wow," Kodama whistled, "To think that you're man enough to handle two women and invite more in, Shinji-kun. You must really have learned some neat tricks."

"…" Shinji looked at the women around him.

There was Misato looking suitably relaxed in her off-duty clothes. Ritsuko was wiping off the damp patch on her blue blouse where the curry had hit her and the Horaki sisters seemed to be under the impression that something sordid, yet in the case of Kodama, rather fun, was going on.

"I am not having sexual relations with Misato-san or Dr. Akagi."

"What, like that Bill Clinton guy?" Kodama smirked. "Come on, Shinji-kun, it's ok to tell us the truth: that you're obsessed with sex – most teenagers are."

"I am not obsessed with sex. In fact it's everyone else that keeps bringing it up."

Ritsuko rubbed her chin. "Actually, that's right. I haven't heard Shinji-kun initiate a conversation about sex this evening."

"Thank you, Dr. Akagi," Shinji smiled.

"No, he was the one that answered the door wearing nothing but an apron."

"I was cooking dinner!" the pilot protested.

"Wearing just an apron?" the Horaki sisters asked in unison, though for different reasons.

"What? You know how things can splatter when they're cooking."

"That's kind of our point, Shinji-kun," the blonde explained. "Most people wear aprons over their clothes when they're cooking."

"But I don't have many clothes and I didn't want to make more laundry than I had to. Why can't people understand that?"

"…"

"I'm going to my room," Shinji sighed.

When the pilot left the ladies, they turned to each other.

"So, is it really true that Shinji-kun used to live with a porn star?" Kodama asked.

"Yes, that's what the records indicate," Ritsuko replied. "Why, are you thinking of entering that line of work?"

The two sisters blushed heavily at the implication.

* * *

In his room, Shinji Ikari fumed with impotent rage as he thought about how people kept assuming that he was a pervert.

"I'm just a victim of circumstances," he grumbled as he pulled out his guitar.

Strumming a few chords to warm up, he prepared to vent his frustrations through his music.

However, on the third strum, there was an unpleasant sound that was a cross between a snap and a twang.

"Rats," Shinji cursed as he realised what had happened.

Putting his replica guitar back in its case, he walked out of his impeccably tidy room.

"Is something the matter, Shinji?" Misato asked from behind a beer can.

"My G-string broke," the pilot answered grumpily.

"G-string?" Kodama repeated. "I thought that you liked to walk around naked?"

"For my guitar," Shinji clarified. "I don't like G-strings or posing pouches. They're too confining."

"Oh, so you wear boxers?" the elder sister followed up.

The pilot shook his head. "Loincloths."

"Y-you wear l-loincloths?" Hikari stammered with crimson cheeks.

"Most of the time," Misato answered. "Remember that he likes to wander around in the nude."

"What?" Shinji demanded from the room. "I suppose that enjoying a breeze every now and then is a crime these days?"

"Shinji-kun," Ritsuko sighed, "if I wanted to 'enjoy a breeze every now and then', then I'd buy a convertible, not walk around naked as the day I was born."

"Oh… but that's one of the reasons why Uncle Rocco likes what he does."

"…"

"Anyway, we need to be going, right, Nee-chan?" Hikari said, hoping to escape the metaphorical train wreck before her.

"Err… yeah, let's leave Shinji-kun to do whatever it is that he's got to do," Kodama nodded. "We'll see you around, Shinji."

"Oh, ok. I'll see you at school tomorrow, Horaki-san."

When the visiting sisters left, Misato turned to her best friend. "So, Ritsuko, you got any ideas how to resolve this?"

"Oh my, look at the time, and there's this battery of diagnostics that I have to run on the MAGI tomorrow. I'll see myself out," the bottle blonde smiled.

"Bitch," the beer drinker muttered under her breath as Ritsuko left the apartment. "Well, Shinji, I guess that it's just you and me now."

"Misato-san," Shinji said in a quiet voice as he took his place at the table. "Am I upsetting you by staying here? Everyone else seems to think that I'm some sort of weirdo."

Misato closed her eyes as she tried to formulate her response. 'We need him to pilot. If he thinks that he's not wanted or it's not worth the pain, he'll refuse. But, and this but is as big as Ritsuko's, can I live with him and keep my sanity?'

"Misato-san?"

'Remember that his cooking and cleaning skills are awesome…' Opening her eyes, the purple haired beauty smiled pleasantly. "I was used to living alone, Shinji, so it's a bit of an adjustment."

"Yeah, I know what that's like – I'll have to remember to close the door when I'm on the toilet," Shinji nodded. "But you don't regret taking me in, do you?"

"No, not at all, but the fact that you managed to freak Ritsuko out is impressive. Normally it takes something serious to bother her," Misato chuckled. "Tell you what, let's get an early night."

"Yeah, it'll do us good to get a good night's rest."

* * *

The next morning, Shinji woke up feeling happy. While he wasn't too sure how Ritsuko or the Horaki sisters felt about him, at least he knew that Misato didn't regret taking him in.

With a spring in his step, the pilot grabbed his washing paraphernalia and headed out to the bathroom.

* * *

In her room, Misato yawned as the combination of morning light and electronic beeping roused her from her slumber.

"Wow," she murmured. "Is it time to get up already?"

Throwing off the covers, she also prepared her things for a quick bath before breakfast.

Walking with her usual morning grace, Misato didn't hear the sounds of someone in the shower.

Of course, she was under the impression that if the bathroom was occupied, then the door would be shut.

"Mornin' Shinji," she greeted.

"Morning, Misato-san," the lathered up young man replied.

The purple haired woman stopped dead in her tracks. "Wait, what? Shinji? What are you doing here?"

"I'm in the shower, Misato-san," Shinji replied in a confused tone before rinsing himself off completely. "Why, am I running late?"

"No, it's just that you're naked and wet and on display."

Switching the shower off, the pilot scratched his head. "Like I said, shower."

"Door," Misato countered, pointing at the entrance in question.

"Oh, I get it: I forgot to close the door again. Sorry about that, Misato-san."

"Never mind that now. Can I have some privacy please? It's still too early for me."

* * *

At school, Shinji was greeted by his friend, Kensuke.

"Is something the matter, Shinji?" the bespectacled boy asked when he noticed the pained expression on his face.

"Yeah, it's just those footprints are giving me flashbacks to something… unpleasant," the pilot replied.

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Shinji nodded. "I came back from school one day and I noticed all these brown footprints all around the house. As I was the one that had to do most of the cleaning, I complained to Uncle Rocco about people not wiping their feet. You know what he said to me?"

"No," Kensuke shook his head as he held the door open.

"He said 'that's not mud'."

"Not mud, but what else could it be…?"

"Yeah," the young Ikari nodded. "That's what I asked. Then Uncle Rocco showed me some of that day's filming."

When Kensuke looked blankly at him, Shinji clarified things.

"Let's just say that I refused to clean up after any more enema shoots after that."

"Oh. Oh… Oh my god, that's awful!"

"Not as bad as the smell," the pilot smiled weakly.

* * *

At NERV, Misato was finally given a breather from her work and decided to take the break with Ritsuko. Mainly it was to discuss what to do with Shinji, but she also just needed to talk to someone without causing more trouble which informing another person about the situation at her home would bring.

Knocking on the door, she stuck her head around the door and waved.

"Come in, Misato," Ritsuko gestured. "So, you are you just here for the decent coffee or is there something that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Well, since you brought up coffee, a cup would be nice," the Captain smiled. "But yeah, there is something that I want to talk about. What should we do about Shinji-kun?"

"Well," the blonde drawled. "Wait, what do you mean 'we'?"

"Well, you know what he's like, unless you want me to sacrifice myself for the good of humanity?" Misato smirked.

"Please, if he were legal, you'd have ridden him by now."

"Well, while that might not be entirely false, what will the neighbours say when they find out that Shinji likes to be naked?"

Ritsuko held her face in her palm and sighed. "I don't know what to do about this sort of thing, Misato. Why does everyone around here think that I can fix everything just because I've got a couple of PhDs?"

"Because that proves you're one of the smartest people on the planet, Ritsuko," Misato replied. "And who else am I going to ask? The Commander? Like he's anyone to give advice on raising a teenager."

"You could try Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki," the scientist replied. "He looks like the sort of person what might know a thing or two about families."

"True enough, but that brings me to my second reason for discussing this with you. Don't you think that we should keep this under wraps for as long as possible? I mean if Shinji's habits get out, then he might try to distract people by mentioning piloting Unit-01?"

"That's a good point, Misato, we need to consider the security implications. I'll speak with the Vice-Commander."

* * *

Kozo Fuyutsuki was not surprised that Ritsuko Akagi had come to his office. The pair of them had often discussed various issues that arose during the recent weeks.

What did surprise the elderly man was the reasons for the subject that the blonde wanted to discuss.

"So, you're telling me that there are a few problems with Shinji-kun?"

"Yes. You see, Shinji-kun's guardians were….how should I put this? Not what you would consider to be ideal candidates for child rearing," Ritsuko said diplomatically.

"Oh, who were they? They weren't drug dealers or other criminals, were they?"

"No, as far as I know, Rokku Haado and Ivor Biggun haven't had anything to do with narcotics."

"Then what is the problem?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"Rokku Haado is an adult entertainer," the blonde explained. "He's a performer that's famous for his anal movies."

"'Anal movies'?" the old man repeated. "What do you mean? What are they?"

"…" Ritsuko blinked in disbelief. "Pornographic films with scenes depicting anal sex. And not only that, Ivor Biggun is someone that's written a number of erotic novels and manga titles."

"I see… so Shinji-kun has been corrupted by filth-mongers?" Fuyutsuki asked, his eye twitching.

"Yes. And we're unsure how to deal with his personality quirks."

"Hmm, I'll need to think about this," the old man mused. "I'll let you know what we'll do to deal with his immoral habits."

* * *

Shinji was focused on his lesson, much more so than his classmates. And that included, rather surprisingly, the Class Representative.

Hikari Horaki seemed rather flustered as she looked at a message that came from her sister.

'But why would Onee-chan want to go out on a date Shinji-kun?' the freckled girl asked herself. She cast a furtive glance over her shoulder towards the young man in question. 'He seems nice enough, and he's cute, but he's a bit odd. What if he wants to do something with Onee-chan?'

Hikari's fingers started to move to reply to her elder sister's message.

* * *

The chimes that signalled the end of the school day sounded out, causing much of the student body to perk up.

Shinji Ikari was among that number, though he wasn't surprised to see someone approach his desk.

"Hello, Horaki-san. What can I do for you?"

"I… My sister has asked me to ask you a question, Shinji-kun," the brunette replied, a little nervous about the whole situation.

"Oh, is there anything I can do for her?" Shinji asked with a pleasant smile on his face.

"She wanted to know if you wanted to go out for some cake this afternoon," Hikari asked with a blush.

The pilot looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't have to go into work today, so yes. I'd like that. Do you know where and when she wants to meet me?"

"She wants to meet up with both of us in about 30 minutes."

"Both of us? You're not planning to gang up on me are you?" Shinji asked, completely misreading the situation.

"G-gang up on you?" the Class Rep stammered. "Why would you think that we're going to gang up on you?"

"So you're not trying to rob me?"

"Rob you?" Hikari asked in confusion. "No, we're not trying to rob you, Shinji-kun."

"That's a relief – I was worried about that happening when I moved here. You hear all sorts of stories about Tokyo-3," Shinji explained before standing up. "I'm sorry for thinking that you were like that, Horaki-san. Please forgive me."

"It's ok," Hikari replied, embarrassed at the formal bow Shinji was giving her and how she had misinterpreted his concerns. 'I'm beginning to see why he likes to be alone – fewer people around means there's less room for misunderstanding.'

* * *

Back at NERV, Fuyutsuki strode purposely into Gendo Ikari's office.

"Yes?" the bearded man asked, looking up from his work.

"Do you recall who you left Shinji with when he was a child?"

"Yes."

The older man blinked. "So you know that your son was raised in a filthy den of inequity? Exposed to all manner of depravities?"

"Are you going to make your point any time soon, Sensei?" Gendo asked with a bored sigh.

Fuyutsuki stood aghast at the Commander's blasé attitude. "You don't care that your ONLY son associated with both male and female whores?"

"The Third Child was raised in a brothel?"

"No, but his guardians were filth-mongers."

"Oh, you mean his Uncle Rocco. Well, if that's all, dismissed," the Commander said, gesturing to the door.

The grey-haired man blinked and after a moment, realised that Gendo had turned his attention back to his previous task.

"I… see, well, I shall deal with this matter myself."

* * *

Shinji and Hikari arrived at the café to see Kodama sitting there with a cup of coffee in her hands.

"Hi, Hikari-chan, Shinji-kun. Take a seat."

"Thank you," Shinji bowed. "So what did you want to talk to me about, Horaki-san?"

"Please, call us by our first names, Shinji," the elder sister smiled. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"I'd like to think that," the pilot smiled shyly in response, "Kodama-san."

Hikari, however, was suspicious of her sister's motives. 'Is Onee-chan that hard up for a date? I know that the boys at her school like her, it's hard not to with her perfect figure and clear complexion, but why Shinji-kun?'

Kodama glanced at her sister and saw that the Class Rep was thinking about something. 'I wonder what she's worried about. It's not like Shinji-kun's going to do me doggy-style over the table in broad daylight.'

She turned her attention back to Shinji. "So, Shinji-kun, I hear that you've got an after-school job. What do you do at the convenience store?"

"I don't work in a convenience story," the young man answered. "I… I'm not sure what I can tell you. You know, when I put it like that, it sounds like I'm making the whole thing up."

"You don't seem like the sort of person to fabricate a web of lies just to impress girls, Shinji-kun," the elder sister smiled warmly. "So, where do you work?"

"I'm… I work at NERV. Promise me that you'll keep this a secret, ok?"

The sisters looked at each other but nodded.

"Please, I need to hear you promise," Shinji insisted. "I don't want to get anyone in trouble."

"It's ok, Shinji-kun, we promise to keep your secrets secret," Kodama said solemnly.

"Yes, we do," Hikari added.

"Ok then," the young man looked around for people eavesdropping on their conversation. "I work at NERV as the pilot of that purple robot thing that was on the news."

"…"

"You're right, it does sound made up," Kodama mused. "Do you have any proof?"

"Here's my ID card," the pilot said as he pulled out his wallet.

'He looks a lot happier in the flesh,' Hikari thought as she looked over the image of a melancholy teenaged boy.

"So, why the long face?" the elder Horaki asked.

"That was just after I'd been told that I was the only chance for humanity's survival," Shinji explained.

Kodama swiftly followed up her line of questioning. "And now you're ok with that?"

"Onee-chan!" Hikari hissed.

"It's ok, Hikari-san," the pilot smiled. "I thought about it for a few days and I remembered something that my Uncle Rocco said to me. 'You gotta do what you gotta do. Even if it's a double-bagger.' With that in mind, I realised that I was being more than a bit selfish, what with so many people depending on me."

"That's a more mature attitude than most of the boys in our class would have taken."

"Thank you, Hikari-san. Would you both like some cake now? It's my treat."

"Since you so generously offered," Kodama said smoothly as she picked up a menu.

* * *

Ritsuko was surprised to see Kozo Fuyutsuki burst into her office.

"Can I help you, sir?"

After taking a moment to calm himself down, the grey-haired man spoke his mind. "The Commander seems unperturbed by the tales of the Third Child's upbringing."

"I see. What do you think we should do now, sir?" Ritsuko asked, leaning back in her seat.

"I'm not sure, but we can't let things escalate to the point where NERV is dealing with sexual harassment claims instead of fighting the Angels. Can you and Captain Katsuragi keep a close eye on Shinji-kun? Stop things from getting out of hand?"

The blonde paused as she realised that Fuyutsuki failed to notice his innuendo. 'He's not got a clue about what he said…' "I'll see what we can do, sir."

* * *

Hikari and Kodama Horaki were surprised at the way Shinji had put himself out for them.

While they both had their idealised versions of romance which involved chivalrous, gentlemanly behaviour, they both knew deep down that there weren't many gentlemen left in the world.

"Wow, Shinji-kun, you're so kind to treat us like this," Kodama smiled.

"Yes, but you didn't need to buy us such expensive cake," Hikari added as she placed her fork on her plate.

The pilot blushed under the attention. "Well, it's like Uncle Rocco always said: it is better to give than to receive."

"Really?"

"Yes, he said that he often found it fun to surprise people by giving," Shinji added. He glanced at a nearby clock. "Oh, I didn't realise that was the time. I had a nice time with both of you, but I've got some things to do at home."

"Thank you, Shinji-kun," the sisters said with a bow.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow," Hikari smiled, though it quickly fell from her face when she heard her sister's next comment.

"I'm sure that I'll see more of you in good time."

* * *

To be continued….

Pre-read by Chi Vayne and previewed on Hawk's forum.

* * *

Omake (Because we all know you were thinking it)

"Wow, Shinji-kun, you're so kind to treat us like this," Kodama smiled.

"Yes, but you didn't need to buy us such expensive cake," Hikari added as she placed her fork on her plate.

The pilot blushed under the attention. "Well, it's like Uncle Rocco always said: it is delicious cake, you must eat it."

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: In the name of Love and Justice, I shall punish you with this huge fuck-off hammer!

* * *

Chapter 5

* * *

Shinji was quite content to deal with the domestic tasks that he'd been assigned by his guardian, Misato.

It was fortunate for the purple-haired drunkard that his loathing for living in a pigsty was as great as his household skills.

"I can't believe that she'd just leave her dirty clothes out like this," the pilot sighed as he picked up a pair of cut-off denim shorts.

The Captain seemed to have an aversion to putting things in their correct place, judging by the way he found a pair of black panties and yellow tank top next to the shorts.

"I don't think she's used to company," Shinji decided as he loaded up the washing machine with dark coloured clothes.

* * *

Ritsuko was not sure what to make of the ranting and raving from Kozo Fuyutsuki. While she knew that something had to be done about Shinji and his unusual behaviour, she hadn't expected the elderly man to take such a puritanical stance.

"Especially since he knows most of the secrets behind Project E," the blonde mused as she reached for her cigarettes. "Fuck it, Shinji can tell people he's a pilot. Let Section Two earn their pay for a change."

Leaning back and lighting up her tenth cigarette of the day, Ritsuko took a few moments before picking up her phone and dialling Misato.

* * *

Misato was feeling good about the way she'd managed to get on top of her paperwork.

"Take that, bureaucracy!" she mocked the out-tray on her desk.

She was about to add more when the telephone rang.

"Hello?"

"¬Misato, it's Ritsuko here. It seems that the Commander doesn't care about Shinji's behaviour.¬"

"So now what do we do?" the purple-haired woman asked.

"¬I think that we should leave Shinji to his own devices. Obviously, we'll step in if need be, but it'll be easier for us if we keep our noses out of Shinji's business.¬"

"Spoken like someone who doesn't have a live-in fourteen year old nudist," Misato said, rolling her eyes. "Or are you telling me that I should start that kind of relationship with Shinji-kun?"

"¬What? NO! Of course you shouldn't do anything like that with Shinji!¬" Ritsuko screamed down the phone line.

"Then what do I do?"

"¬I don't know. Just… just don't do anything rash. You know, like getting so drunk you wake up in his bed.¬"

"I seem to recall that I was the one being groped when we woke up after your birthday party, Ritsuko," the Captain teased.

"¬… I hate you, Misato,¬" the blonde hissed before hanging up.

Misato enjoyed the warm and fuzzy feeling inside her belly that one got from a well earned victory against a regular opponent.

"And it's also quitting time. It's good to be Misato today," she said as she sauntered out of her office.

* * *

"I'm back, Shinji," Misato called out as she took her shoes off.

"Welcome back, Misato-san," Shinji replied as he walked up to her with a basket of clothes. "I've done some of the laundry, but I get the feeling that there's more in your room. If you want it doing, then you'll have to bring it out."

"Ok, Shinji-kun. Wait, are those my panties?" the purple-haired woman asked.

"Yes," the pilot nodded. "They were in the bathroom next to your shirt and shorts that you left in there this morning."

Misato cast as suspicious eye over her roommate. 'Did I really leave them in there or did he sneak into my room for some perverted fun?'

Shinji let out a tired sigh. "If you're going to be like that, you can do your own laundry."

"Hey, I didn't say you did anything wrong, Shinji," the beer-drinker said in a placating tone. "Hell, I didn't say anything!"

"No, you didn't. But you were thinking it," the teenager replied. "I'm not so hard up that I have to resort to stealing women's underwear. I was having cake with a couple of nice girls earlier!"

Shinji placed the basket on the floor and stormed off to his room.

"Wait, Shinji, I didn't mean it like that," Misato insisted, but was answered by a door slamming shut. "Damn it."

She looked down at the shirt in the beige plastic basket. "Hmm, he managed to get that greasy kebab stain out."

* * *

At the Horaki residence, Kodama was letting her sister vent her displeasure at the way their date with Shinji went.

"I can't believe you acted like that!" Hikari chided.

"What? Shinji-kun seems like a nice guy. I don't know if you noticed, but he maintained eye contact with us at all times."

"But why did you have to act like you wanted to see him naked?"

"Since my attempt at subtlety has failed miserably, I'll explain it to you. Because Shinji-kun didn't try anything to impress us or act sleazy, he's either a gentleman or he's gay. Now, he was clean, well groomed and polite," Kodama said as she ticked off her fingers. "Those are usually indications of homosexuality."

"And?" Hikari asked.

"And my point, my dear sister, is that the human race won't continue if there are same-sex relationships."

"So, you're saying that Shinji-kun can't possibly be a gentleman?"

"You saw who he was with last night – if he's not trying anything with that purple haired woman, then he's obviously gay. And that would be a terrible loss," the elder sister explained. "Personally, I think he's too cute for that sort of thing."

"…" the Class Rep realised that there was nothing she could do about her sister. "Whatever. I've got to get started on dinner."

* * *

Misato emerged from her room, having changed into her freshly laundered clothes.

She knocked on Shinji's door.

"Shinji-kun, can we talk?"

There was no response.

"Please, Shinji-kun, we need to talk and I don't like talking through a door."

"Fine," was the reply as the door slid open. "Where would you like to start, Misato-san?"

"I… I'm sorry for assuming that you're doing things that you shouldn't. It's just that you're a teenaged boy," the purple-haired woman explained.

Shinji looked unimpressed. "What gave that fact away?"

"Teenaged boys are infamous for doing things they shouldn't," Misato clarified. "And having a woman that's attractive around the house is tempting fate, don't you think?"

"Well, I suppose that some of Uncle Rocco's friends might have done something, but that doesn't mean that I would have," the pilot said as he sat down on his bed. "In fact, I could never do that to you, Misato-san. The thought of doing something like that actually kinda makes me nauseous."

"But you do like girls, right? I mean, you can cook and clean and you're nice and polite, but you've never shown the slightest reaction to any girls."

"Hey, I had spent some time with two girls outside of school today. I wouldn't exactly call it a date, but it was nice," Shinji countered. "The Horaki sisters seem like nice girls. You know, the girls that visited us last night."

Misato paused as she tried to process the information her roommate had just given her. 'Wait, he was out with both of those sisters? Not even Kaji managed to get two women in bed at the same time. Of course, he had me, so he wouldn't want anyone else. But still, they were cute…'

"… Misato-san?"

"Sorry, Shinji-kun, I was just thinking about something. I completely misjudged you, and I'm sorry," the purple-haired woman said with a bow.

"It's ok, Misato-san," Shinji smiled reassuringly.

* * *

That evening, Shinji finished washing his dirty clothes and entered the lounge with a fresh beer for Misato.

"Thanks, Shin-chan," the purple-haired woman smiled. "…"

"You're welcome, Misato," the pilot replied. "Is something the matter?"

"Again with the nudity, Shinji," Misato deadpanned.

"I'm sorry, Misato-san, most of my clothes are drying right now. So it's either nothing or your clothes," Shinji said. "Are you telling me that you want to dress me up like a girl?"

The Captain's spit-take covered Shinji's chest with beer, making him glad that he wasn't wearing clothes. After a few minutes of spluttering, Misato managed to regain her composure and gave a response.

"What? I'm not like that, Shinji. I don't get off on making people cross-dress."

The pilot gave her look that told her that he wasn't sure.

"I'm being totally honest with you, Shinji. I've never gotten off on the whole transvestite thing."

"And what sort of thing do you like?" Shinji asked, his hands on his skinny hips inadvertently drawing attention to his crotch.

"…" Misato found it difficult to speak until she closed her eyes. "Please, Shinji, cover yourself up. I'm having difficulty concentrating with you standing there naked."

"But I thought that since you've had military training, you'd be able to shut out minor distractions."

'But you're not so minor. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if…' the Captain thought guiltily. She turned back to Shinji and forced her eyes to meet his. "And you can?"

"It's one of the first things I learned to when I lived with Uncle Rocco. I had to – I kept bumping into things because I wasn't looking where I was going," the naked youth smiled fondly in remembrance.

"Really?"

"Yes," the pilot nodded. "Once, I nearly lost an eye when I walked into Mutsumi-nee-san."

Misato stared open mouthed at her roommate as she tried to fathom out the mechanics of the near-miss. "How?"

"It was a chilly morning," Shinji explained. "Uncle Rocco wanted to get the dawn light for that outdoor scene."

"I see. And how big was Mutsumi?"

"You could hang your shirt on her nipples."

"…"

"I'm serious, Misato-san, I think I've got a picture of it," the pilot insisted before rushing to his room.

Misato turned towards Shinji's room and a thought immediately entered her mind as she caught an eyeful of the young man's nude form as he bent over to search through a box of his most precious belongings.

"Now I know what that British guy meant by 'stark bollock naked,'" she whispered.

"Ah ha!" Shinji said triumphantly. As he spun round, his roommate recoiled slightly at the way his genitals swayed. "Is something wrong, Misato-san?"

"… I'm fine," the Captain lied. "So, let's see what this Mutsumi person looks like."

Misato was handed the photo of a ten-year-old Shinji and a woman in her early twenties with long brown hair in a single braid and a pair of breasts that put her own impressive cleavage to shame.

'Dang, they can't be real,' was her first thought. Then she looked closer and saw the way the left breast was flattened against the back of Shinji's head. "They're real?!"

Shinji assumed that Misato's outburst was a question that needed an answer.

"Yes they're real, Misato-san," he nodded. "Mutsumi-nee-san was proud of her figure and she was a really nice person. There were times when I had trouble sleeping, and she held me close until I fell asleep."

"And I suppose that she insisted that you used her chest as a pillow?"

"Yeah, it was nice. Why? Is something wrong?"

Misato pinched the bridge of her nose. "Nothing, Shinji-kun. So what sort of thing are you looking for in a girlfriend?"

The pilot looked thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose that I'm looking for someone who knows how to have fun, but who's responsible enough to think things through. I realise that the sort of person I'm looking for would be a bit older than me."

Misato's thoughts warred within her as she tried to look thoughtful.

'Misato, we're on dangerous ground here. Because, let's not kid ourselves, there's something about Shinji-kun and we're in a weird situation. We all know how things can develop in weird situations, remember how you hooked up with Kaji? Plus he just said he'd like an older woman and given his upbringing, he surely knows a thing or two about sex. But he is under your protection and it's a huge breach of policy and generally frowned upon to sleep with a teenaged boy.'

"I'm going to take a bath, why don't you get started on dinner?" the purple-haired woman suggested.

"Isn't it your turn to cook?"

"But you're so much better at it than I am, Shin-chan," Misato pouted.

Sighing in defeat, Shinji scratched his head. "Fine, but you owe me. Don't think that I've forgotten about last night, either. It was you who was supposed to be cooking."

"But you're so much better at it than I am, Shin-chan," the Captain repeated, her pout intensifying.

"Just let me get to work, ok?"

* * *

The next morning, Misato was less than gentle with her alarm clock when she attempted to silence the infernal device.

"Too early!" she grumbled angrily.

It had not been a good night for the purple-haired woman. While the actual food that Shinji prepared had been up to his usual standard and the conversation was pleasant, it was the way her thoughts had drifted after she'd turned in for the night.

Misato's mind had been running for most of the night as she pieced together the information she'd gleaned from her conversations with Shinji.

"Damn, Ritsuko's gonna have a field day when she finds out why I didn't get much sleep," the purple-haired woman groused. "I can just imagine her smug voice as she bitches about me thinking about young men all night. Still, I guess that it could be worse – Shinji-kun could be making sex tapes when I'm not here."

The beer drinker paused as she realised just who had been raising the pilot prior to his arrive in Tokyo-3.

"Wait, do I really know that he's not making sex tapes while I'm not here?"

Misato suddenly felt rather self-conscious and glanced around the room, looking for signs of covert surveillance on Shinji's part.

"Nah, I have to believe that Shinji-kun's not like that. If only to keep me from moving to harder liquor."

* * *

The school day proceeded as normal for Shinji; in that he was asked about his Uncle Rocco's friends and if he could get some signed photos of them.

"To be honest," the pilot said as he was surrounded during the lunch break, "I haven't had a chance to contact Uncle Rocco or any of my friends from Osaka."

"Oh," Kensuke said, disappointed. "Still, will you get the chance to do that tonight?"

"I don't know, I've got to go into NERV after school today."

"Oh," the otaku replied. "I don't suppose that you could arrange for me to have a tour some time, could you?"

"I'll ask Misato-san when I go in," Shinji said. "But I can't promise anything."

* * *

At NERV, Gendo Ikari was being briefed on the results of Rei's latest physical examination.

"She's recovering nicely sir," Ritsuko Akagi explained. "At this rate, she'll be capable of piloting Unit-00 in combat within the next two months."

"Excellent," the Commander replied. "Are there any problems with the Third Child?"

"So far he's improved with every sync test, but there are one or two things that give us cause for concern," the bottle blonde answered.

Gendo's face remained as impassive as ever as he gestured for the scientist to continue.

"Well the thing is, we're a bit concerned about Shinji-kun's behaviour," Ritsuko said. "We think that he might have picked it up during his time in Osaka."

"And is this behaviour detrimental to our plans for Instrumentality?"

"Not really, but it's having an effect on Captain Katsuragi."

"How?" Gendo asked, his tone hinting that he was beginning to tire of this meeting.

The scientist picked up on the tone of annoyance and decided that it wasn't worth bothering the Commander just yet. "It's just the sort of habit a teenaged boy would have. I'll talk with Shinji-kun and Misato to see if we can sort it out…"

"You do that."

* * *

Shinji rode the train to NERV HQ in a comfortable silence.

'It's nice to be left alone,' he thought as the train pulled away from his penultimate stop on the line.

Fortunately for the pilot, he was allowed to remain in his preferred state until the completion of his journey at the pilots' locker rooms, where he was met by Ritsuko Akagi.

"Ah, Shinji-kun, I'm glad to see that you're punctual," the blonde smiled politely.

"I try to make sure Misato-san's up in time for work, but unless I actually go into her room and drag her out of bed, there's not a lot more that I can do," Shinji replied with an apologetic look on his face.

"She was like that in college," Ritsuko recalled with an amused look. "How are things at home? Aside from Misato's inability to get up in the morning, I mean."

"Everything's going ok, I guess," the pilot shrugged.

"So you and Misato aren't fighting over anything?"

"No. Why? Did she say that I wasn't doing my share of the chores?"

"No, I'm referring to," the blonde leaned in for some privacy. "I'm referring to your habit of not wearing many clothes."

"Oh, that. But what am I supposed to do when all my clothes are being washed?" Shinji asked.

"A valid question, but I think that the correct solution to that problem is to either buy some more clothes or not wait until you're completely out of clean clothes," Ritsuko explained. "Why don't you get Misato to take you shopping at the weekend?"

"I don't have an extensive wardrobe because I don't have any money," Shinji said. "And I can't expect Misato-san to pay for things like that; she already pays the rent and all the other bills."

The scientist had to admit that Shinji did have a good point. However, the pilot was unaware that Misato would soon be receiving a stipend for caring for him.

"One moment, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko smiled before taking out her mobile phone. "Hi, Maya? It's Dr. Akagi, I need you to look into some paperwork for me. Can you see if Misato's getting living expenses for Shinji-kun? You can? That's great, Maya."

Shinji looked at the blonde questioningly when she ended the call. "Dr. Akagi?"

"Misato should be getting some money to cover your expenses soon, Shinji-kun."

"Oh, ok. Is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about before the test?" the pilot asked. "It's just that the sooner we're done the tests, the sooner I can wash the LCL off."

"Fair enough, I'll see you in the test area, ok?" Ritsuko smiled politely.

* * *

Misato stood sipping her sixth mug of coffee of the day as she observed the latest sync test. "So, how're you doing, Shinji? What do you think of the plugsuits?"

"¬I can't complain too much. They're certainly a lot more comfortable than most of the PVC fetish wear I've encountered. Though, I can't say that I like the way the LCL gets in and starts chafing,¬" Shinji said.

"They're not fetish wear!" Ritsuko insisted. "Do you have any idea how much effort went into their design and manufacture? Not only are they insulated against heat and cold, but they monitor your life-signs and have defibrillators in the event of cardiac arrest!"

"Plus they have a digital watch on the left wrist," Misato added teasingly.

"¬So they do,¬" Shinji confirmed with the press of a button. "¬I didn't realise that you'd spent so much time and effort on them, Dr. Akagi. I'm sorry if I upset you.¬"

The bottle-blonde's feelings were sufficiently soothed to allow the test to continue without any further incident.

* * *

After his shower, Shinji was feeling pretty good about things in general. Sure, there was the fact that he would most likely be asked to cook dinner again and it was coming up to laundry day, but as his Uncle Rocco had told him, "Even Hercules had to clean out stables."

"I wonder is Misato-san would like a vegetable lasagne for dinner," the pilot pondered as he buttoned up his white shirt.

Stepping out of the changing room, he walked to Captain Katsuragi's office. As he made his way through the corridors of NERV, he encountered a trio of female staff and greeted them politely.

Shinji frowned slightly when they didn't respond as he expected, but shrugged it off as he knew that he was new there and probably didn't rate their attention just yet.

'Uncle Ivor mentioned that in some organisations, the newer members can be treated as second or even third class people. I'll just have to work hard to gain their respect,' the young man decided.

When he turned the corridor, two of the women turned to face Maya Ibuki.

"So who is that, Maya?" the first woman, a young lady with jet black hair asked.

"That's Shinji Ikari," the bridge operative answered, her cheeks filling with blood. "He's the Commander's son."

"The Commander's son?" the third, a technician with wire-frame glasses, asked, not seeing the resemblance. "But why would he be here?"

"He's the pilot of Unit-01," Maya added.

"Ah," the two others nodded in unison. "But why isn't he wearing trousers?"

"If I had an answer for that, I'd tell Akagi-sempai – she mentioned something about Ikari-kun's unusual habits the other day…"

* * *

"Misato-san," Shinji called out as he knocked on the Captain's office door.

"Come in, Shinji," the purple haired woman replied. Her attention was still focused on some paper work. "Is there anything you wanted?"

"I was just wondering if you wanted vegetable lasagne for dinner tonight," the pilot said as he approached the desk.

"Hmm," Misato said, her gaze turning to the ceiling. "Sounds good to me, Shinji. You know, you're taking good care of me. Are you sure there's nothing you want?"

Before Shinji could protest that his intentions were innocent, Kozo Fuyutsuki walked past the open door.

"What the Hell is going on here?" the grey-haired man demanded, his normally deep voice taking on a shrill tone. "Captain Katsuragi, how could you take advantage of Pilot Ikari like this?"

"Like what?" the beer drinker replied in confusion.

Misato stood up from her seat and looked at Shinji. "Shinji, where are the rest of your clothes?"

"What? Oh," Shinji replied, tapping his knuckles on his head. "I was so focused on dinner, I must have forgotten to finish getting dressed. Sorry about that, Misato-san."

While the Tactical Operations officer had seen the young man with fewer clothes on, she had yet to see if his choice of underwear was as he claimed when Ritsuko and the Horaki sisters were visiting.

"Is that a loincloth?"

"Yes," Shinji nodded. "I've always appreciated the combination of functionality and tasteful understatement. I've never really liked bright, contrasting colours or distinctive patterns."

"I see," Misato nodded.

"Will the pair of you stop acting like nothing is wrong? Pilot Ikari, go and put some trousers on! Captain Katsuragi, you're on report!" Fuyutsuki barked angrily.

"Yes sir," the partially dressed youth said, shying away from the Sub-Commander's angry tone.

* * *

Sitting in his office, Gendo Ikari was looking over the invitation to examine a recently found artefact off the Antarctic coast.

"Hmm, according to the Scrolls, the next Angel should be here soon. Perhaps now is the time for us to see just what Captain Katsuragi is capable of," the bearded man mused. Reaching for his phone, he dialled his deputy. "Sensei, we'll be leaving for the Antarctic soon. Captain Katsuragi will be left in charge in the event of an incident."

"¬Ah, about Katsuragi,¬" the elderly man said. "¬I'm initiating disciplinary procedures against her.¬"

"Why?"

"¬I found the Third Child partially dressed in her office.¬"

Gendo blinked. "And how is this Katsuragi's fault? Was she about to engage in sadomasochist activities with the Third Child?"

"¬Not that I could see, ¬" Fuyutsuki admitted.

"Why was the Third Child 'semi-naked'?"

"¬He… He claimed that he was so focused on his evening meal that he forgot to finish dressing.¬"

"And how is his lapse in concentration Captain Katsuragi's fault? It's her concern, yes, but how is it her fault?" the bearded man asked, his tone clearly beginning to show his annoyance with the matter.

"¬But still, she shouldn't have semi-naked young men in her office!¬"

"So you'd rather she have semi-naked young women in her office?"

* * *

To be continued…

You know what goes here by now.


	6. Chapter 6

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Have you seen this chicken?

* * *

Chapter 6

* * *

"So you'd rather she have semi-naked young women in her office?" Gendo demanded an answer from his deputy. When there wasn't one forthcoming, he explained his position on the matter. "Sensei, unless this affects the Scenario, then I do not care what that alcoholic woman does. Is that clear?"

"¬Crystal, sir."

* * *

In Neo-Osaka, a muscular man looked over small pile of mail that had built up over his brief absence.

"Bill. Bill. Royalty cheque, oh a letter from Tokyo-3," the raven haired man smiled. Sitting down with a cup of coffee, he settled in to read the letter.

* * *

Back in the Katsuragi apartment, Shinji was treating himself to a soak in the bath. The pilot was distracted by the heat from the water and as such, he didn't look towards the sound of the opening door.

"Oh, sorry Misato-san, I didn't realise that I'd taken so long."

"Wark."

Shinji looked at the source of the reply. "Hello there, can I help you with anything Penguin-san?"

"Wark," the aquatic bird gestured for Shinji to move to one side of the bath.

"Ok," the pilot shrugged. "Oh, I get it, you want to have a bath too."

"Wark," Pen-pen nodded. He let out the penguin equivalent of a contented sigh when he sank up to his beak in the hot water.

"So where have you been hiding?" Shinji asked the smug looking waterfowl.

"Wark."

"You're quite right, I'm being silly thinking we can understand each other properly," Shinji laughed. "Oh well, I guess that I'd better make a start on dinner. I don't mind cooking, I just wish Misato-san would at least acknowledge that I do more than my fair share of the chores around here."

* * *

The following morning, Shinji was surprised to see a letter addressed to him on the doormat.

Glancing at the postmark, he realised that there weren't many people that it could have been from.

Tearing open the envelope, Shinji was glad to see that his Uncle Rocco was well. Scanning through the envelope, he discovered that he was going to get a visit from his uncle.

"I wonder if Misato-san will let Uncle Rocco stay here for a few days?" the pilot asked the empty hallway.

Walking to his guardian's room, Shinji knocked on the door. "Misato-san, is it ok if I have someone stay over for a few days?"

"Wha?" the beer drinker asked. After the pilot repeated his request, she answered. "You want to have a friend over for a few days? Sure, but what about your habit of not wearing many clothes?"

"They won't mind," the young Ikari explained.

Misato pondered that particular response and could only come up with one possibility. 'Heh, Shinji's got a girl coming over.' "It's ok, Shinji, but please try not to make too much mess, ok?"

"Sure thing, Misato-san."

* * *

At school, several of Shinji's classmates noticed that the pilot had a spring in his step.

"Why are you so happy, Shinji?" Kensuke asked, hoping that his request for an autographed picture of some AV idol was going to be fulfilled.

"Yes, you seem more animated than normal," Hikari acknowledged. 'I guess that Onee-chan has a point – Shinji-kun is cute…'

"It's just that Uncle Rocco is coming to visit the day after tomorrow," Shinji explained. "He said that he's shooting a video, but he'll be able to spend some time with me."

"D-did he say what sort of video he's making?" Aida asked, wetting his lips in anticipation.

"He said it's going to be called 'Hole Sale', if that's any help to you," the young Ikari answered with a smile. "Before anyone asks: no, he didn't say who was going to be filming with him."

"That's ok," Kensuke smiled. "I'm sure that we'll find out when the time's right."

* * *

At NERV, Ritsuko noticed that Fuyutsuki was not a happy person.

"Is something wrong, Sir?"

"You could say that, Dr. Akagi. It seems that the Commander is unconcerned about the Third Child's behaviour," the grey-haired man replied. "Unfortunately, I'll be unable to do anything about it because he and I are going to be leaving soon on a trip to the Antarctic."

"I see," the bottle blonde nodded.

"Therefore, I would like you to move into Captain Katsuragi's apartment to assist in realigning Pilot Ikari's behaviour to something more along the lines of society's norms," Fuyutsuki replied.

"What? You want me to move in with Shinji and Misato?"

"Yes. I know that this is an additional task for you, but you're the only one I can trust with this."

Ritsuko was about to protest, but she was cut off by Fuyutsuki. "I…"

"I have authorised an additional bonus for you while you're undertaking this task. I believe that a 15 percent bonus should be a suitable financial incentive."

The scientist did a quick mental calculation. 'Hmm, that's a decent wedge of cash, and I suppose I could drag this out for a couple of weeks…' "Ok, since this is a direct order, I'll do it."

"Excellent, Dr. Akagi," the elderly man smiled. "I shall leave the rest up to you."

* * *

"What?" Misato asked, managing to not spill her coffee.

"I've been ordered to move in with you and Shinji by the Vice-Commander to help you correct Shinji's behaviour, since he thinks it's inappropriate," Ritsuko repeated. "Don't worry, I'll be chipping in for the food and helping out with the chores."

The offer of financial and domestic assistance swayed the purple haired woman. "Well, since you're going to be helping out and it's an order, how could I refuse such a gracious offer?"

The blonde rolled her eyes at her friend's tone. "Just don't forget that some of us don't like eating curry seven days a week, Misato."

"Hey, Shinji cooks other stuff. So, when will you be moving in?"

"I've got a few things to sort out before the Commander leaves on his trip, but the day after tomorrow."

* * *

Later that afternoon, Shinji was taking a detour via the shops to pick up some fresh vegetables.

"Oh, hello, Shinji-kun," a female voice said cheerfully.

Looking up the pilot smiled at the familiar face. "Hello, Horaki-san."

"I told you, call me Kodama," the curvy teenager winked. "So, what are you shopping for today?"

"I was going to make some vegetable stew," Shinji replied, gesturing to the carrots, courgettes and cucumbers in his basket.

"…" Kodama blinked. 'Not at all suggestive, still, I've got to keep nudging him in the right direction.' "So, is there room at the Ikari table for another person tonight? I'll even help you cook."

The pilot was helpless against the friendly, reassuring smile the brunette flashed him. "Ok, but just let me check with Misato-san."

Shinji pulled out his phone and dialled his guardian. "Misato-san, it's me, Shinji. Is it ok if I have someone over for dinner tonight?"

"¬…. Well, I suppose that since you're cooking tonight, then I'll let you have a friend over,¬" Misato replied, hoping that her roommate would overlook the fact that it was her turn to cook.

"Thank you, Misato-san. By the way, dinner should be ready about half six," the pilot added before terminating the call.

"So, how about we pick out something nice for dessert?" Kodama asked when she saw the smile on her friend's face. "Do you like ice cream?"

"I do."

* * *

Misato was looking forward to seeing what her charge was going to cook with his friend visiting.

'The lasagne he cooked last night was excellent,' she mused as she weaved her way through the early evening traffic. She was forced to slam on the brakes as she was cut up by a boy racer. "Oh, so you think you're hot shit, eh? Well, let's see how you deal with this."

Pulling out into the next lane at the traffic lights, the Captain looked across to see a pair of youths wearing their baseball caps sideways with stupid grins plastered on their greasy faces.

"Whoa, she's hot!" the passenger said, practically drooling on his hooded top.

"Yeah," the driver nodded. "Hey baby, wanna come with us for some fun?"

Misato smiled, but said nothing.

"Dude, she's playing hard to get," the passenger said. "You gotta do something to impress her."

"Watch this," the driver said as he revved the engine of his customised hatchback.

Rolling her eyes, Misato slipped her car into first gear. When the lights were about to change, she turned to face the hatchback. "Oh you boys, always so eager but far too impatient."

The youths blinked as the driver stalled his car.

The purple haired woman pulled off, leaving the boy racers on the line. "Ha, they're ten years too young to challenge me in a streetrace. Crap, am I that old already?"

Feeling a little depressed, Misato drove home at a more sedate pace.

* * *

Kodama Horaki sat at the kitchen table in Misato and Shinji's apartment, having been asked to keep out of the way by the pilot. It was not the first time that the person in charge had requested her to keep out of their way.

It was, however, the first time that there had been something unrelated to housekeeping in the kitchen to keep her attention.

The brunette sat mesmerised with her chin resting on her hands as she watched Shinji wore nothing but an apron as he prepared their evening meal.

Shinji turned around and smiled apologetically. "Sorry for being such a boring host."

"Oh, don't worry about that, Shinji-kun," Kodama smiled. "I'm enjoying your company."

The pilot blushed at the attention before turning back to the stew, much to his guest's appreciation.

"Delicious," the brunette said as Shinji bent down to get something from the bottom of the fridge.

"It does smell nice, doesn't it?" the chef asked rhetorically, completely misunderstanding Kodama's comment.

Moments later, the front door opened and Misato walked in.

"Hi, Shinji," the purple haired woman called out as she removed her shoes.

"Welcome back, Misato-san," Shinji replied when his roommate walked into the kitchen. "Kodama-san will be joining us for dinner. You did say it was ok."

"I did indeed," the Captain acknowledged after a moment's thought. "What's for dinner, it certainly smells nice."

"It's a vegetable stew," the pilot replied. "It should be ready in about 10 minutes."

"Excellent timing, I'll be right back."

Kodama felt rather self-conscious when Misato returned three minutes later wearing her usual off duty clothing. It made things worse when Shinji continued to focus on preparing the meal, ignoring the way voluptuous woman's breasts moved after she drank her beer.

'It's not fair! What will I have to do to get Shinji-kun's attention if he doesn't bat an eyelid when she parades around like that?' she raged at the perceived injustice.

"So, what made you decide on vegetable stew for dinner, Shinji?" Misato asked before she finished off her beer.

"No reason, I just thought that it would be nice to try out a recipe I found," Shinji answered with an innocent smile. "Why, would you prefer a good serving of meat?"

The speed of Kodama's reply took the roommates by surprise. "Why yes, I'm certainly up for a serving of your meat, Shinji-kun. From what I've seen, it'd be a very good serving."

"You're rather forward, aren't you Kodama-chan?" Misato asked, casting a questioning look at the brunette.

"She's right, Kodama-san, you've not tasted my cooking yet," the pilot said. "You might think my cooking's too salty. Of course, you might prefer salty things, so I could be completely wide of the mark."

"I don't guzzle down salty things all the time," the brunette replied. "But once in a while is fine."

Misato frowned for a moment before getting up out of her seat to get another beer. 'I guess I'm just becoming used to the innuendo around here. Maybe if I can get Shinji and Kodama together, I can get out of having Ritsuko staying here?'

"Food's ready," Shinji said as he turned off the stove. After he served up three portions of food, he removed his apron and took his seat at the table. "Let's eat."

The two women at the table had contrasting expressions on their faces. Misato was clearly becoming used to the pilot's sartorial habits and barely reacted to his nudity, while Kodama's cheeks were crimson.

"So, Shinji-kun, do you have a girlfriend?" the brunette asked, trying to keep her voice calm.

"Not really," Shinji answered truthfully. "Why? You're not going to try fixing me up with someone are you? I don't like the idea of people interfering in people's lives like that."

Misato rolled her eyes at her charge's failure to see what Kodama was hinting at. "Then again, Shinji, she could be trying to find out if there's any competition."

The pilot blushed when realisation finally dawned upon him. "Oh… Y-you mean you like me? But you barely know me…"

"Shinji-kun, I don't think that there are many surprises you could be hiding from me," Kodama replied with a knowing smile.

* * *

During that evening, the conversation moved from Shinji's piloting experiences to Kodama's life at high school. After a while, the young man left to use the toilet.

"You seem to like Shinji, Kodama," Misato commented when they were left alone. "I trust you know how important he is."

"I do like Shinji-kun," the teenager nodded. "And I do realise how important he is."

"What do you like best about him?" the Captain asked, casting a speculative glance at the girl.

"I think the fact that he's polite makes a nice change from the other boys around here. Plus there's the fact that I think he's cute," Kodama replied with a smile.

"Fair enough," Misato nodded as Shinji returned to the room.

"What's fair enough?" the still naked pilot asked, realising that he'd missed something.

"Just that Kodama-chan here thinks you're cute. Would you be a darling and get me another beer?"

"Certainly, Misato-san," Shinji smiled, trying not to think about the other thing Misato had said. "Would you like anything, Kodama-san?"

"For you to take me doggy-style," the brunette murmured. When she realised what she'd said and that Misato had heard her, she blushed. "I'm fine, thank you, Shinji-kun."

When they were alone, Misato let out a chuckle. "So, do you still feel the same way about Shinji-kun now that you've seen him naked? You seemed so enthusiastic when I arrived from NERV."

"I'm ready for ANYTHING Shinji-kun wants to do," Kodama replied with a defiant smirk. When Shinji returned, she looked at the pilot, well his dangling parts at any rate. "So, Shinji-kun, do you want to show me your room?"

"My eyes are up here, Kodama-san," Shinji sighed as he handed a beer to Misato. "It's not very exciting and I don't have a lot in the way of cool stuff, but if you really want to, I'll show you my room."

The brunette scrambled to her feet and grabbed the pilot by the hand. "Which one is your room, Shinji-kun? Is it this one?"

"No, that's Misato-san's room," the young man answered. "This one's my room."

The naked youth barely had time to open the door before he was shoved inside, the door slamming shut ominously behind him.

"Not again," he sighed as Kodama stripped off. "I don't mind, but you should have spoken up earlier if you wanted this, Kodama-san. If I'd known you wanted a good seeing to, I'd have prepared some olive oil for the French Flipper Trick."

"French Flipper Trick?" the nude girl asked. "What's that?"

"It's something I learned from Uncle Rocco," Shinji replied. "He said 'it's the ultimate in foreplay, but it should be used sparingly – unless you want a harem of horny women demanding sex every few hours.' Still, I'll be right back, you get on all fours on the bed."

* * *

Misato was on the last third of her can of beer as Shinji returned to his room with a bottle of olive oil.

'Interesting, I guess she really is willing to do anything for Shinji,' she mused. Moments later, moans emerged from the pilot's room. "Heh, I guess Shinji's not bad after all."

After a minute, the sounds went from moans of pleasure to loud screams.

"What the fuck? Is he killing her in there?"

Rushing to her feet, the Captain barged down the door and stood still in shock as she took in the scene before her. "W-what the?"

Shinji turned to face his guardian. "Oh, did we disturb you, Misato-san? Sorry about that, Kodama-san wanted me to show her the French Flipper Trick."

"French Flipper Trick?" Misato repeated sceptically. "So you weren't actually murdering Kodama-chan?"

The brunette slowly opened her eyes to see the purple-haired woman standing at the doorway with a look on her face that was a mix of equal parts concern and curiosity.

"A-after that, I don't care what Shinji-sama does to me…" Kodama panted. "He can do whatever he likes if he promises to do that to me again."

The pilot blushed at that comment, which made Misato all the more curious as what he'd done to Kodama. 'Maybe I should ask him if he'll do it to me… No, I shouldn't. He's fourteen and the Commander's son and the only pilot we've got and he managed to make a girl his love-slave after touching her for only a minute and I'm in his room staring at his naked body …'

Shaking her head, the beer-drinker realised just where her train of thought was heading and cleared her throat. "Anyway, I'll leave you two here. Try not to make too much noise."

"Ok, Misato-san. Again, sorry for disturbing you," Shinji said, his head bowed apologetically. He turned to where his guest was laying on his bed. "Kodama-san, do you want me to walk you home?"

"ZZZzzz," the exhausted girl replied. "Shinji-sama…"

"Oh, I see," the pilot blushed. "I'll let you get some sleep."

* * *

Misato looked up in surprise when she saw Shinji emerge from his room with his alarm clock and enter the bathroom. When he returned, the pilot asked if there was a pillow and blanket he could borrow.

"Sorry," the beer drinker replied. "What do you need one for anyway?"

"Kodama-san fell asleep on my bed and I don't want to disturb her," Shinji answered, feeling slightly embarrassed about what he did to his guest. "Letting her sleep in peace is the least I can do for her."

"Yeah, you did that flipper thingy, didn't you? Sorry, but since I don't have many people sleeping over these days, I don't have a spare blanket or a pillow," Misato answered. She considered teasing Shinji by suggesting he could share her bed for the night, but quickly realised that it was another step on the slippery slope to untold debauchery and depravity. 'Though saying that, I do want to know what that he did to Kodama-chan…'

"Oh well," the naked young man shrugged. "It's a warm night, so I'll be alright."

"Yeah," the purple-haired woman nodded. "Well, I'm tired, so I'll catch you in the morning. Oh, you will be making breakfast for Kodama-chan, right?"

"Yes, and of course there will be enough for you, Misato-san," Shinji smiled knowingly.

"Awesome. Good night, Shinji."

* * *

The morning sunlight filtering into Shinji's room caused Kodama Horaki to blink in surprise.

"Wha? Where am I?" she asked as she lifted her head. "This is a boy's room… Wait, I'm at Shinji-kun's house. What happened last night?"

A knock at the door brought some answers. "Kodama-san, I'm making breakfast, would you like some?"

"…" A rumble from the brunette's stomach answered for her. "Yes, I'd love some breakfast, Shinji-kun."

"Ok, it'll be ready in about five minutes, Kodama-san," Shinji answered before leaving to wake up Misato.

Climbing off the bed, the brunette realised she that was naked. When she noticed how her clothes had been discarded, the reasons for this slowly came back to her. "I think I'm in love…"

* * *

During breakfast, Shinji answered the phone. As he left the others, Kodama found that she couldn't take her eyes off his naked backside.

"You like Shinji, don't you, Kodama-chan?" Misato asked, unable to fail to notice where the girl's attention was directed.

"I do," the brunette blushed. "I…"

Kodama's follow up was cut off by Shinji's return with the handset. "It's Dr. Akagi, Misato-san."

"Oh, ok. What's up Ritsuko?" the purple-haired woman asked.

"¬There's something that we want to test at NERV, so can you bring Shinji in this morning?¬"

"Sure thing. We'll be there after a breakfast."

* * *

To be continued…

Pre-read by Chi Vayne, previewed on Hawk's forum. Nothing else to add at this time.


	7. Chapter 7

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Remember: Reverence for life includes reverence for firm, young, naked life.

* * *

Chapter 7

* * *

Kodama wasn't surprised to see Hikari waiting for her when she was dropped off by Misato.

"Good morning, Hikari-chan, sorry I didn't call last night."

"And just why didn't you call? I'm not angry that you spent the night with a friend, but we were worried about you," the Class Rep explained. "It didn't help that you didn't tell us which friend you were with."

"Alright, Hikari-chan, I'll tell you what happened. I was out late afternoon yesterday and I saw Shinji-kun shopping. He invited me over for dinner and I ended up spending the night. And before you ask, Shinji-kun was perfect," Kodama said, a small smile forming on her lips.

"You… with Shinji?" Hikari stammered, her cheeks flushed with blood.

"No, I didn't sleep with Shinji-kun. We did kinda fool around a little, but he let me sleep in his bed afterwards and he made breakfast. I'd still be with him, but he had to go into NERV this morning with Misato-san."

"Y-you slept with Shinji-kun?"

"No, he let slept in another room," Kodama clarified.

* * *

At NERV, Shinji recognised a trio of Section Two agents near a vending machine.

'That's Nakata-san and his team. I'd almost forgotten to talk to Yumi-neesan and Aoi-neesan about introducing them,' the pilot thought with a wince.

"Morning, Shinji-kun," Nakata smiled as he approached with his team-mates.

"Ah, Nakata-san, I've got some good news and bad news," Shinji said, feeling bad about his lapse in memory. "The bad news is I completely forgot to write to Yumi-neesan and Aoi-neesan."

"Oh, well, we understand that you do have a number of more pressing responsibilities," the brown haired man smiled. "So, what's the good news?"

"Uncle Rocco's coming to town tomorrow to work for a few days, so I'll ask if you can visit the set."

"Shinji-kun, any introduction would be greatly appreciated," Nakata insisted. "So, what's your Uncle going to be working on?"

"According to his letter, it's a film called 'Hole Sale'. I don't know if he's likely to need any extras for any scenes, but when I see him tomorrow, I'll ask him," the pilot replied.

"You're a true friend, Shinji-kun," Saito smiled warmly.

* * *

The tests Misato had brought Shinji in for were mainly related to a revision of the plug suit's telemetry systems, causing the Captain to question their urgency.

"I heard that Shinji had an overnight guest, Misato, so I thought it'd make it easier to deal with his friend," Ritsuko answered with a shrug.

Misato looked unimpressed. "Are you sure it's not because you couldn't wait to see Shinji in a tight fitting vinyl suit?"

"So you're quite happy for Shinji-kun to remain naked at home?" Ritsuko countered, not missing a beat. "It's fine if you want Shinji all to yourself, but I think you should use a touch more subtlety."

The Captain bristled at the allegation. "But I'm not the one who's moving in to get a better look at Shinji. Scientific curiosity is only acceptable up to a certain point. If you're not careful, people will think you're becoming obsessed with Shinji-kun."

The scientist rolled her eyes at the obvious ploy. "You make a convincing argument, Misato. I'll need to come up with another plan if I want to see Shinji-kun thrusting into your every orifice."

"That's almost as funny as the time you thought you were pregnant in college, Ritsuko," Misato said, tiring of their verbal sparring. "But seriously, I think that Kodama-chan will be a good for Shinji-kun."

"What's Kodama look like?"

"You remember when you came over for dinner and those two girls turned up? Well, Kodama is the older one. I think she said something about her dad working here," the purple-haired woman explained. "Her family name's Horaki, if you want to do a check."

"It could be argued that it's your responsibility to vet Shinji-kun's potential girlfriends, Misato. What with you being his guardian and all," Ritsuko smirked. "But I'll tell you what, if I get the chance today, I'll check things over."

"Thanks, Ritsuko."

"One last thing," the bottle-blonde said as Misato refilled her coffee cup. "What did Shinji do last with his girlfriend last night?"

"I… err… it's complicated. Shinji-kun was his usual gentlemanly self during dinner, but then Kodama dragged him to his room," Misato answered.

"You didn't object?"

"You know what hormonal teenagers are like. Besides, they didn't even sleep in the same bed after Kodama-chan passed out," the purple-haired woman replied.

"Passed out?"

"Like I said, it's complicated."

* * *

Kodama Horaki lay on her bed as she processed what had happened with Shinji the night before.

'How does he feel about me? He let me sleep in his bed, but I was alone – it would have been nice if he held me while we slept. Then again, so many boys his age would have tried something while I was asleep. He's cute enough to have other girls chase after him, and he's certainly big enough for when we decide to do that…' the brunette thought with a naughty smile. 'Worse still, what if he thinks I'm just another notch on his belt?'

"No, he's not like that," she said aloud.

A knock on the door interrupted her contemplation.

"Nee-chan, is something the matter?"

"Hikari-chan, can you spare a moment. I need to talk to someone."

"Yeah, sure," Hikari said as she opened the door and closed it behind her. "What's up?"

"I'm not sure what I should do with Shinji-kun. I mean, we didn't say that we're going out or anything," Kodama said with a sigh. "I'm not the kind of girl that dates several guys at once, but you know what some guys are like – they can't keep it in their trousers."

Hikari shook her head. "This is Shinji-kun – he likes walking around naked, remember?"

"Well, yes, but you know what I mean. Did he ever seem like the sort of guy that would cheat on his girlfriend?"

The younger sister considered that question. "I honestly don't know. I've always known him to be been polite and considerate"

Kodama nodded. "Yeah, me too. Perhaps I'm just being paranoid?"

"I can't say I approve of you doing things like that with a boy, but I think there are worse people to date."

* * *

At NERV, Maya Ibuki approached Dr. Akagi, wondering what it was that seemed to have her sempai so agitated.

"Hi there, Maya," the scientist said, looking up from a clipboard. "Is something up?"

"I was going to ask you the same question, Sempai. You seemed a little out of it earlier."

"What? Oh, yeah, that. It's complicated, Maya."

"You can tell me, Sempai," the lieutenant smiled reassuringly.

"Ok," Ritsuko sighed. "Misato's becoming a little concerned about Shinji-kun. Apparently, he's got himself a girlfriend."

"That's nice," Maya smiled.

"You'd think that, wouldn't you? But what do you do when that girl passes out from the pleasure of some bizarre and highly improbable foreplay?"

Maya's face became serious. "Shinji-kun used the French Flipper Trick?"

"How do you know about that?" Ritsuko demanded. "What do you know about the French Flipper Trick itself?"

"I… I heard about it some time ago," the technician answered, looking thoroughly embarrassed.

The bottle-blonde had a suspicion that her assistant knew more than she was letting on. 'But how would Maya know about the French Flipper Trick? Especially since I didn't name it specifically… I'll have to do some research later.' "I see, well, if it's a problem, I'll deal with it as best I can."

Maya nodded, but kept her mouth shut. 'You don't realise the situation, do you, Sempai? You don't "deal" with the French Flipper Trick, it deals with you!'

* * *

Dinner at the Katsuragi apartment was a calm, pleasant affair. Again, Shinji found himself cooking.

Misato was drinking beer. She was finding better to focus on the alcoholic drink, rather than her roommate's bare buttocks.

"So, Shinji, could you fix up the spare room after dinner?"

"Of course, Misato-san," Shinji replied with a pleasant smile on his face. 'Misato-san hasn't changed her mind about Uncle Rocco's visit.'

The Captain noticed the look on her ward's face. 'Shinji seems happy about Ritsuko moving with us. Does that mean he likes her? But what about Kodama? There's got to be something else going on… Aw, fuck it, I just can't be bothered to deal with that right now. If Shinji likes Ritsuko, I'm sure that she'll do the right thing.'

"Shinji, could you get me another beer?"

"Of course, Misato-san."

* * *

Elsewhere in Tokyo-3, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi was taking a page out of Misato's book and relaxing in the bath.

Unfortunately for the bottle blonde, her thoughts kept returning to a conversation she had with her assistant earlier that day.

'Just what does Maya know about the French Flipper Trick? Judging from Misato's reaction, it's obviously something that Shinji-kun learned from his Uncle Rocco, but how does Maya know about it?'

Ritsuko leaned back in her small bathtub. 'I don't want to have to ask Shinji-kun about it, or he might get the wrong idea. I'll get the MAGI to search for some details about it.'

Her eyes flicked down to her thatch of brown pubic hair. 'Damn, I'm going to have to tidy that up soon, but when am I going to get the chance? I move in with Misato and Shinji-kun tomorrow, and I'd rather not risk having either of them walking in on me.'

"No time like the present," the scientist sighed.

* * *

The next morning at school, Shinji wasn't quite sure what to make of the look he was receiving from the Class Rep.

"Is there something up, Horaki-san?"

"I want to talk to you about my sister," Hikari said. She took a quick look around before leading the pilot to a more private are.

"Has something happened to Kodama-san?"

"No," the brunette replied, shaking her head. "I just wanted to be sure that you weren't planning on treating my sister like she was just another conquest."

The young Ikari's face fell. "I would never think of Kodama-san as 'just another conquest'. Why can't people understand that I don't want to use and abuse them?"

Hikari winced. Unfortunately for her, her explanation was cut off by the sound of the school bell.

"Class is starting now," Shinji said in a tired tone before taking his seat.

'Damn it, why does he have to be a good person and not the usual jerks Nee-chan dates?' the class rep cursed mentally.

* * *

At lunchtime, Shinji was still feeling a bit depressed. He'd tried to make his excuses to gain some privacy, but Kensuke only avoided Hikari Horaki as the topic of conversation, rather than giving him some space.

"So Shinji," the bespectacled youth smiled, "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

"Not really."

"What, even though Rokku Haado is coming to visit you? You're not planning to hold some sort of casting party for Hole Sale?" Kensuke asked.

Shinji blinked before rapping his knuckles on his head. "I was thinking too much about something that was said earlier, I forgot that Uncle Rocco was arriving today."

"So, can I come round tonight?"

"Maybe tomorrow would be better," the pilot answered. "It's a long drive up from Neo-Osaka, so Uncle Rocco's likely to be tired."

"He's driving up?" Kensuke asked. "He's coming here in the Party Van? Awesome!"

"It is a comfortable ride," Shinji agreed, misunderstanding the reason for his friend's enthusiasm. "I'll ask Misato-san if Uncle Rocco can take us on a trip to see Mt. Fuji."

"A ride in the Party Van? If there's anything I can do to help you convince them to take us, let me know, ok?" the otaku begged.

* * *

Ritsuko Akagi was a smart woman with enough worldly experience that she wasn't easily fazed.

At least, that was normally the case.

'Why is it that whenever Shinji Ikari is involved, things start to get a little weird?' she pondered as the MAGI finished processing her request. The supercomputer chimed to let her know that it had completed its task. "Well, let's see what this 'French Flipper Trick' is all about, shall we?"

The bottle-blonde looked at the first of the results. "Wait, Batman Returns? What's a 20-year-old comic book movie got to do with Rokku Haado?"

Throwing her hands up in frustration, Ritsuko took a deep breath before filtering out the results.

"That's better," she said, feeling a bit silly for allowing her expectations to get the better of her. "Now, let's see what we can see…"

* * *

Half an hour later, Ritsuko emerged from her private bathroom with a flushed look on her face.

'I can't believe I just did that,' she thought with a disgusted sigh, 'Even if I do feel better for it. I dread to think what Misato would say if she knew that I just spent the last ten minutes trying to see if something I read on the internet was physically possible.'

Lighting up a cigarette, the scientist idly considered how much this 'French Flipper Trick' would feel better if someone else did it to her.

"I suppose they'd have easier access, but still, I don't think it was that great," Ritsuko mused. "Sure a teenaged girl who doesn't have much experience with sex might think it's the best thing ever, but it's still only a glorified pelvic exam."

Quickly finishing her cigarette, the scientist grabbed her suitcase and pulled it along on its wheels to Misato's office for the drive to the captain's apartment.

'I hope it's going to be a quiet night tonight, I could do with a good night's rest.'

* * *

Shinji Ikari was looking forward to being reunited with his former guardian. Not because his Uncle Rocco was rarely without a retinue of several attractive women, but because he genuinely enjoyed the adult entertainer's company.

As the young man walked towards the prearranged meeting point, he failed to notice that the part of Tokyo-3 he was in was turning seedier and seedier with each passing building.

Looking up to check for traffic, he realised that he was nearly at his destination and smiled. 'I'm wonder what Uncle Rocco will say now that I've got a girlfriend? I think he'd approve of Kodama-san.'

When the crossing lights changed, the pilot crossed the road and saw that there was a small crowd gathering outside a large shop with blacked out windows.

As he approached, it became clear why the people were here – there was a familiar looking red minibus parked outside.

"Uncle Rocco!" Shinji called out before breaking into a run.

A muscular man with long black hair in a ponytail looked around to see who had called his name.

"Hi there Shinji!" the man, just under two metres tall, waved to the pilot. "Sorry about this folks, but I did tell you that I had a prior engagement. I only dropped by to see the manager and confirm the details about tomorrow."

The crowd seemed disappointed that their idol was leaving them. It was something the man could easily sense. "Don't worry folks, we'll be back here at All That Jizz tomorrow at 10am to sign autographs. We might also be in a position to give sex tips, tell bad jokes and maybe discuss future projects. But not tonight – it's a long journey from Osaka after all."

The crowd groaned, but agreed to the porn-star's demands. Rokku Haado turned to the smiling young man.

"So then, Hot Stuff, how's it hanging?"

"It's going well, Uncle Rocco," Shinji smiled broadly. "Would you like something to eat?"

"I don't normally go home with men I meet on the streets, but since there's a promise of decent food, I'll make an exception," Rocco answered with a twinkle of mirth in his eye. "Hop on to the Party Van and point me in the right direction."

* * *

Kensuke Aida considered himself to be an easy-going and generally decent kind of guy. Sure, his Class Rep didn't approve of his hobbies – girls and guns in various combinations and concentrations, but that didn't mean he was a bad person.

A bad person, he reasoned as he shopped for manga, would have hounded Shinji until he gave in and let him meet Rokku Haado on the set of his latest production. Or bugged him about piloting that purple robot from the other day.

No, Kensuke respected his friend's personal space, even if Shinji didn't care who saw his privates.

So, when the bespectacled otaku looked up to check both ways before crossing the road, he was surprised to see a distinctive red minibus cruising down the street.

"That's not a Tokyo-3 Municipal Bus…" he trailed off as realisation hit him. "It's the Party Van!"

As the customised minibus pulled up at the traffic lights, Kensuke was able to see inside. Pangs of jealousy welled up in his stomach as he recognised who the two people in the front were.

"Shinji!"

* * *

"Hey, Hot Stuff, you know who that kid is? I'm talking about the one who looks like he's about to wet himself?" Rokku Haado asked.

"He's in my class at school," Shinji answered. "Can we give him a lift?"

"Sure thing, Hot Stuff," the ponytailed man smiled. Seemingly oblivious of the traffic building up, he opened the door.

"Hi there, Kensuke, can we offer you a lift?" Shinji asked as he popped his head out of the door.

The otaku nodded and rushed to board the bus. "Shinji, you're the best friend ever in the whole history of friendship."

"Kensuke Aida, meet my Uncle Rocco."

"Hi there kiddo," Rocco waved before closing the door. "Try not to make a mess."

Kensuke was delirious with unadulterated joy at this latest turn of events. While it was an honour to meet the legend that was Rokku Haado, he wasn't expecting to ride on the Party Van.

"I…" the otaku trailed off as he felt tears of joy roll down his cheeks.

"It's ok, Kiddo, you're not the first person to be moved to tears by a ride in the Party Van," the porn-star smirked. "So, where are we heading?"

"… Where is everyone?" the bespectacled teenager asked. "I thought you'd have brought some of your co-stars with you."

"They're at the hotel," Shinji answered as the Party Van took a sharp right turn. "Uncle Rocco wanted to make sure that they were properly rested."

"Yep, we've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Signing autographs, giving lectures, and then after lunch, we're shooting the first half of Hole Sale." Rocco pulled up to another set of traffic lights. "So, where to, Kiddo? I'm not driving around Tokyo-3 all night."

"I… Sorry, where are we? That's the old Sakura Temple, so I'm not far from here. Take the next left, then continue for three blocks, then right for four and turn left at the convenience store. It's the apartment block on the other side of the road," Kensuke answered. He turned around to get a better look at the interior of the hallowed vehicle. "So many women have been naked in here…"

"Please don't caress the seat covers like that, Kensuke," Shinji said, shying away slightly. "It's kinda creepy."

"Sorry," the otaku apologised after coughing into his fist.

The muscular man shook his head. 'That kid would probably take a bullet for Shinji if he thought it would get him some face time with Aoi-chan. Ah, the joys of fanboys.'

"Here we are, honoured traveller, please remember to take your belongings with you, and we hope you enjoyed the journey," Rocco said in a formal tone.

"I'll remember this day for the rest of my life," Kensuke vowed as he stepped onto the pavement. He waved to his school friend and idol as they drove off.

* * *

When they arrived at Misato's apartment, Shinji showed Rocco to the guest room and quickly departed to the kitchen to prepare some refreshments.

"Is there anything you'd like to eat, Uncle Rocco?" the pilot asked, having put the kettle on.

"Some of your delicious fried rice would be lovely," the tall man said as he placed his bag on the futon in the guest room. "I'll make us some coffee and you can tell me what you've been getting up to."

"Ok," Shinji nodded. He removed his clothes and put them on hangers in his room.

"I see you still prefer to cook naked," Rocco commented as his former ward walked naked into the kitchen and put on an apron. "What does your roommate think about it?"

"Misato-san? I don't think it was something she was expecting, but she doesn't shout at me for not being dressed," Shinji said as he tied the strings. "Besides, it cuts down on the laundry. And you know how they're always saying to us that we should reduce our energy and water consumption."

"Very true, Hot Stuff, very true. So, what's Misato like as a roommate? Judging from the picture she sent in, she seems like a lot of fun."

"Misato-san is a good person," the pilot replied as he heated some vegetable oil in the wok he'd purchased soon after moving in. "She didn't mind when my girlfriend stayed over the other night."

"That's nice to hear. Wait, did you say you had a girlfriend?" the long-haired man asked, a smile forming on his lips.

Shinji realised that he'd let the cat out of the bag, but was glad that his uncle seemed to approve. "I do have a girlfriend, her name's Kodama."

Rocco switched the coffee machine on. "Well, I'm waiting for the gory details, Hot Stuff. What's she like? Does she make you happy?"

"Her younger sister's my class rep at school. And I've not known her for very long, but she seems to like me."

"Is there a difference in leagues? By that I mean, you're a good looking young man, but is she compensating for her below average looks by being pure filth? I'm not trying to be mean to you, but I'd hate for you to have to settle for less."

"I think she's pretty," Shinji replied honestly.

"I never said she wasn't, Shinji," Rocco said, his hands waving in a placating manner. "I'm just curious as to what sort of girl you're attracting these days. Mutsumi sends her love, by the way."

"How is Mutsumi-neesan?"

"She's going back into soft-core yuri, but that's because she's about to move in with her fiancé," the entrepreneur answered. "She told me to tell you that she wouldn't object to one last blast with the Hot Stuff."

"I couldn't do that with someone who's going to be married," the pilot said, blushing slightly. "It wouldn't be right."

"I had a feeling that would be your response, but I said I'd mention it to you anyway. But back to Kodama; what sort of thing is she into?"

The teenager finished stirring around the mushrooms and onions and added the rice. "I don't know really. I've only used the French Flipper Trick on her. I know you said to use it sparingly, but I kinda had to."

"Oh?" Rocco asked, pausing in his pouring the coffee. "And what did she think?"

"She liked it a lot, but she screamed so loudly, that Misato-san thought I was killing her."

"A screamer, eh? Well, on the plus side, if your hearing starts to go, you still have some way of knowing that you're doing the right thing."

* * *

After they ate their food, Rocco helped Shinji with the washing up.

"Would you like to take a shower, Uncle Rocco?" the pilot asked as he finished putting away the plates.

"That'd be great," the entertainer smiled. He let out a yawn. "Decent food, a shower and a good night's sleep and I should be ready for tomorrow."

"Oh, there's something I wanted to ask you. Some of the security people at NERV wanted some signed photos of Yumi-san and Aoi-san. I meant to ask about getting some sent up in a letter, but with all the training they make me do for that Evangelion thing, I completely forgot. Would it be ok if they visited the set tomorrow?"

"Are they fugly? Because if they're not, then I might be able to go one better. I might need some help finishing up the shooting plan, but there's a chance I could start filming a second film while I'm here in Tokyo-3," Rocco said, scratching his neatly trimmed goatee beard.

"I'll tell them to meet up with you at the shop tomorrow and you can decide for yourself."

"Marvellous."

* * *

Ritsuko was glad she was made of stern stuff. Otherwise, she'd have sworn off driving with Misato long ago.

The performance car screeched to a halt in the designated parking space and Misato pulled up the handbrake with loud click.

"I'm sorry, but the bellhop has the night off, so you'll have to carry your own bags up to your room," the Captain said as she unfastened her seatbelt. "But I'm sure that the kitchen is still open for your culinary needs."

"That's a relief," Ritsuko drawled. "Still, it could be worse – I hear the Second Child is becoming a bit of a diva."

"Asuka seemed like such a nice girl when I saw her last," Misato commented. "But I guess that's puberty for you. But enough of that, it's time for a couple of beers!"

The two colleagues walked to the apartment door in a comfortable silence, before the purple-haired woman opened the front door and announced her return. "We're here Shinji. Could you get us some cold beer from the fridge?"

"Of course, Misato-san."

"I'm going to use the bathroom, if that's ok – I want to freshen up," Ritsuko explained.

"Sure thing, Ritsuko."

The bottle-blonde opened the door to the bathroom and blinked in surprise. While she half expected to see someone partially dressed that evening, she had assumed it would have been Shinji Ikari.

Certainly not the man who stood just short of two metres tall, had well defined muscles and an impressive package.

"You're not Shinji Ikari."

"You're not Misato."

* * *

To be continued…


	8. Chapter 8

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of SEELE.

* * *

Chapter 8

* * *

Ritsuko Akagi was normally calm and collected, so it was a surprise for Misato to hear her old friend let out a scream of horror.

Deciding that it probably wasn't a spider in the bathtub, the Captain reached for her service pistol and slowly approached the bathroom.

"Are you alright, Ritsuko?"

"There's a naked man in your bathroom, Misato. And it's not Shinji-kun," the scientist answered. "Who are you and why are you here?"

"I was invited to stay for a few days by Hot Stuff," the porn-star introduced himself with a bow.

"'Hot Stuff'? Did Misato put you up to this? Did she arrange for a man to stay here because she thinks I'm getting frustrated?" Ritsuko demanded.

"What? No, I was invited by Shinji," Rocco explained. "I'm Rokku Haado. You know, Shinji's Uncle Rocco."

"…"

Misato arrived on the scene. "Did I miss a memo saying that I was now responsible for strategic beefcake reserves?"

"No, not that I'm aware of. Apparently, Shinji-kun invited his Uncle Rocco over," the bottle-blonde explained.

"He did?" the purple haired woman asked, her lips becoming rather dry.

"Yes, he did," Rocco confirmed. "And since when did one man become a strategic reserve?"

"Well, there's you and Shinji…" Misato trailed off when she realised what she had just said. She shook her head before continuing. "You both misheard what I said. I was most certainly not considering being DP'd by Rokku Haado and Shinji."

"I never suggested anything of the sort," the naked man replied, his hands held up in an attempt to calm things down. "But pleasing people is what I do for a living."

"Hang on," Ritsuko interrupted. "If there are four people staying here tonight and there are only three beds, doesn't that mean someone's going to have to find a comfortable spot on the floor?"

"No, not if Misato wants to be spit-roasted by me and Hot Stuff tonight. Or perhaps you would prefer the double-dicking? You look like you're in need of a good meat injection," Rocco smirked.

"What? So you can try your French Flipper Trick on me? Please, that's overhyped and you know it," the scientist scoffed.

"Overhyped? Who showed it to you? Because I know that I taught Hot Stuff how to do it properly."

"I... That's not important right now," Ritsuko said, turning away to hide the blush on her cheeks. "The fact of the matter is that your 'legendary technique' is little more than a pelvic exam. Hell, I could slip my gynaecologist a few extra yen and he'd do just the same thing."

The muscular man remained silent. 'She's tried to do it on herself – no wonder she's not that impressed with it. Still, perhaps this could be the practical test for Hot Stuff needs in order to get his certification?'

"Have you finished in here?" the bottle-blonde asked.

"Yeah, you need the toilet? Watersports aren't my thing, but if you get off on people watching you piss, then, well like I said earlier, I live to give people pleasure," the long haired man winked.

"It's alright, I wouldn't want to inconvenience you," Ritsuko said with gritted teeth. "Seeing as how it's not 'your thing'."

"Why don't we just leave Ritsuko to do her business and we can discuss a few things in the kitchen, ok?" Misato suggested, her eyes taking in every available millimetre of Rokku Haado.

* * *

As Rocco sat at the table, Misato opened the fridge and pulled out two cans of beer and handed one to the naked man.

"Thank you, Misato. So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Shinji," the purple-haired woman replied as she opened her can.

"Hot Stuff? He's a good kid, and I'm pretty easy-going, but I'm a bit too tired to put on a gay sex show to get you in the mood," Rocco said as he opened his own beer. When Misato looked questioningly at him he clarified things. "Gay sex takes a lot more mental preparation than just straight sex and I've had a long drive up from neo-Osaka. Not to mention what's scheduled for tomorrow: publicity, filming and possibly casting for another film.

"Besides, Shinji never said anything about being interested in gay sex."

Misato choked on her beer. "What?"

"Shinji just hasn't indicated that he likes boys as much as he likes girls," the adult entertainer explained. "Not that spit-roasting or otherwise DPing a woman is gay, you understand. It's not even bisexuality."

The Captain was clearly confused by this. "Please explain how this isn't gay or even bi behaviour. I'm obviously missing something."

"There are two things that are generally considered indicators of homosexuality when sex is going on." Rocco took a long pull on his beer. "One, in prison or other male rape situation, it's gay if you push back. Two, when the balls are touching. Now, I've been in this business for many years now and I can tell you that excellent ball control isn't just for midfielders."

"I see," Misato drawled. "And what about when it's one guy and two women?"

"The classic girl on each arm?" the naked man asked rhetorically as he stroked his neatly trimmed beard. "Well, that would depend on what you're doing. Lying on top of each other while the bloke alternates between you isn't lesbian any more than a spit-roast is gay. Now, if carpet's being munched, then that moves things up a notch. If creampie is on the menu, then it's generally considered to be bisexuality, where as if what's on offer is only Torta di Capelli, then tongues might wag. And not in the good way."

The purple-haired woman rubbed her temples. "This explains so much."

Rocco smirked as he brought his beer can up to his lips. "So, do you think about Hot Stuff?"

"Shinji? He's a good kid, a little weird, but given his upbringing, that's understandable," Misato answered, unable to resist the slight dig at the man opposite her.

"Such barbs wound me," the bearded man said theatrically. "But in all seriousness, would you do him? And if so, what would you do?"

"That's none of your business!" Misato shouted angrily.

"Oh really? Five minutes ago, you were talking about being double-teamed by us…" Rocco trailed off his comment to coincide with Shinji walking into the kitchen. "Hi there Hot Stuff, did you know that Misato wanted me and you to give her a good seeing to?"

"What?" the pilot asked, blinking in surprise. "I didn't know that Misato-san liked me that way."

"Well, it seems she does. Hey, why don't you call your girlfriend over and we can have an orgy?"

"Yeah, that's a great idea," the purple-haired woman said sarcastically.

"See, Misato doesn't object to group sex – I knew she was a fun person to know," Rocco said with a broad smile on his face.

"Actually I do object to having group sex," Misato said sternly, slamming her now empty can on the table.

"Why would you mislead Uncle Rocco like that? He was never good with sarcasm," Shinji said, defending his former guardian. "I understand if you don't approve of orgies on a school night, but you shouldn't tease people like that."

"Yeah, Misato, getting my hopes up like that," Rocco teased. "Still, I suppose I could show your friend why she was wrong about the French Flipper Trick."

Misato looked at the hand gesture the porn star made and tried to equate the motion with what Shinji had done to Kodama the other day. "Do I really want to know what goes where when you're doing this flipper thing?"

"No, not really," Ritsuko said with snooty tone from the doorway to the kitchen. "I told you: it's a glorified pelvic exam."

"No it's not," Shinji replied. "I know I've not got as much experience as Uncle Rocco, but if that's what you think it is, then someone did it wrong. I'll show you if you want."

"Err, show Misato," the blonde said, uncomfortable with the idea of Shinji groping her.

Misato looked unconvinced.

"I'll tell you what," Rocco said as he stood up. "I'll show both of you two lovely ladies at the same time. It shouldn't take too long, unless you've got bizarre medical conditions preventing you from climaxing."

"I'll make some dinner for you and Dr. Akagi," Shinji said as he made his way to the cupboard.

"Ok, fine," Misato sighed in defeat. "But I'm only doing this to back up my friend, ok?"

"I'm glad you consider me a friend, Misato," Rokku Haado winked.

* * *

Less than ten minutes later, Shinji smiled to himself as he heard two women finish screaming in pleasure at the top of their lungs.

"I told Dr. Akagi she was wrong."

The door to the guest room slid open and Rocco emerged with a gunslinger's swagger.

"I don't think we'll be having too many problems in the immediate future, Hot Stuff," the bearded man smirked. "Glorified pelvic exam! Ha!"

"So now what, Uncle Rocco?" Shinji asked as he turned the heat down on the stove.

"I guess your friends will want something to eat and some sleep. It wouldn't surprise me if they hadn't felt that good in a long, long time."

"I was referring to the rest of your visit," the pilot clarified. "How long will you be in town? Your letter didn't say exactly."

"Tomorrow, maybe the day after," Rocco replied apologetically as he washed his hands. "I can't afford to spend any more time away from the office."

"I understand, Uncle Rocco," Shinji nodded. There were some signs of life from the spare room as Ritsuko and Misato stirred from their euphoria. "I better get Misato-san a beer."

"The blonde probably could use one too."

A few minutes later, the two most lusted after women in NERV stumbled out of the guest room. They were on such an endorphin high that they were unmindful of their nakedness.

Ritsuko and Misato wore big smiles as they gently set themselves down on their chairs at the kitchen table, thankful for Shinji's offer of food and the cold beers in front of them.

"So," Rocco said. "Did we sort out the sleeping arrangements or not?"

"You're sleeping with me," the two women replied in unison. They turned to face each other.

A small part of Ritsuko's brain told her it know what was going on – that Rokku Haado had planned all of this, but this was smothered by the less logic orientated parts.

"Your bed better not collapse on us, Misato."

"I think my bed can handle three people for a night," Misato said rolling her eyes.

The two women finished their meal in peace, allowing Shinji to relax a little more. "I'll clear the table, Misato-san, you go on off to bed."

"Are you really ok with us, you know, in my room?" the Captain asked, swirling her beer can in a circle on the tabletop.

"It's not that big a deal, Misato-san," the pilot smiled reassuringly. "I learned shut out all sorts of disturbances at an early age."

"But…" Ritsuko started to protest.

"But nothing, Titsuko," Rocco said, stepping into the discussion. "Don't worry about Hot Stuff, worry more about how you and your friend want to position yourselves on her bed. Ask yourselves this: 'what's on the menu tonight?'"

"Do I want to know what menu you're talking about?" the bottle blonde asked in confusion.

"…" Misato blushed slightly. "I… I think on alternating would be the best choice, we just ate after all."

"Fair enough," the bearded man replied. "Let's get things going, shall we?"

* * *

The next morning, the manager of Tokyo-3's premier adult emporium was fretting over the late arrival of his latest promotional event.

"Just where is he?" Kenichi Tanaka asked the trio of young women to his right.

"We don't know, Tanaka-san," Aoi Sanada insisted. "We took a taxi to the hotel while Rocco-san went off in the Party Van with Shinji-kun."

"Yeah," identical bleached-blonde twins, dressed in Gothic Lolita fashion, sighed in unison. "It's a shame we couldn't spend more time with Shinji-kun."

"Kei-chan, Yuri-chan, you shouldn't keep trying to get Shinji-kun to find out what the most telling difference between you is," Aoi chided, though the look on her face completely derailed her moral authority.

Kei frowned, but Yuri smirked as a quartet of men walked up behind the brunette.

"Sorry I'm late," the tallest man in the store said. "I was seeing if these men were suitable for The Human Element. If all goes to plan we'll film some scenes later tonight after Hole Sale."

"I'm glad you're here, Rocco-san," Kenichi Tanaka said, wiping his brow. He looked past the casually dressed man to see that there was a teenaged boy in a white shirt flanked by the three men in black suits. "Is there a reason why there's a boy with you?"

"Are you referring to Hot Stuff?" Rocco asked. "Because if you're throwing him out, then we're packing up and leaving now."

"I was just wondering if he was with you," the store manager said in a placating voice. "I can hardly bar members of your production team when you're all here for promotions, now can I?"

"I'm glad we cleared that up. Now, where do you want us?"

"Actually, Uncle Rocco, I should get to school," Shinji interrupted, causing the trio of lovely ladies to pout.

"Hey, you three better not be lusting over Shinji again," Rocco said in a surprisingly stern tone. "I told you that he's too busy to spend time on set as your flipper."

"But…" Kei and Yuri protested in unison.

"Look, I know you girls like Shinji," the bearded man said sympathetically, "but he's needed elsewhere in Tokyo-3. You all remember why he moved out here last month?"

"I'll be back after school," Shinji promised. "It's just that if I don't go, I'll get into trouble with Misato-san."

* * *

On the way back Shinji's classroom from recess, Kensuke Aida was explaining to his friend, Touji Suzuhara, just how awesome it was to know Shinji Ikari.

"I don't care about the new student," the muscular youth dismissed before Kensuke could go much further. "The only thing that could make me care would be if he could get me better porn than you."

"Dude, that's what I'm trying to tell you!" the otaku said, his face lit up like a neon sign. "He knows porn-stars!"

"Yeah right," Touji snorted. "Next thing you'll be telling me that the Party Van's in town."

"…" Kensuke blinked. "It is, I rode on it yesterday. Rokku Haado himself dropped me off near my home."

The classroom door opened and an apologetic looking young man entered.

"Sorry I'm late."

"Why were you late, Shinji-kun?" Hikari asked, confused by the pilot's uncharacteristically poor timekeeping.

"I was helping Uncle Rocco set up some things," Shinji explained.

"What sort of things?" Kensuke asked, hoping that Shinji and Touji would get along.

"I was helping him out with some casting for a new …" the pilot was cut off by his phone ringing.

"¬Shinji, it's Misato here, we need you to get to NERV ASAP! There's been an Angel detected and we're going to launch!¬" a slightly panicking voice explained. "¬Get by the gates, there's a car on the way to bring you here.¬"

"Ok," Shinji replied as Misato ended the call. "I think there's an emergency."

Before Hikari Horaki could ask for details, the Angel Alarm sounded and everyone was ushered to the nearest shelter.

"Come on, Shinji, you can walk with us," Kensuke smiled. "Right, Touji?"

"Yeah, if you really want to," the tracksuit-clad youth shrugged.

"Actually, I'm needed at NERV," the young Ikari apologised. "I'll meet you later, ok?"

* * *

There were many things that Ritsuko Akagi prided herself on; her professionalism and work ethic were just two of them. So it came as a surprise to Misato Katsuragi to see the bottle-blonde scientist cast more speculative looks at the newly arrived Shinji Ikari than normal.

"Are you ready to pilot, Shinji-kun?" Ritsuko asked, her eyes sweeping all over the young man's slender form.

"I think so, Dr. Akagi," Shinji smiled.

"Do you have any idea how to defeat this Angel?" Misato asked, somewhat unsure of how react to the apparent change in Ritsuko's attitude to her young roommate.

"We haven't even managed to get a visual on it just yet," the scientist admitted. "So I'm afraid that you'll have to be prepared for anything."

"I understand," the pilot nodded before heading off to the locker room.

"So…"

"I thought that we agreed not to talk about last night, Ritsuko," Misato replied, cutting off any potential unsavoury conversation.

"I was only going to ask if you knew how long Rocco's going to be in town," the faux blonde replied.

"I should have realised," the Captain sighed, her face in the palm of her right hand. "No, I don't know how long Rocco's going to be in town. I wouldn't be surprised if he cuts his visit short because of the attack. Now, let's get going, or do you want us all to die?"

* * *

Shinji cocked his head to one side as he appraised the latest Angel to arrive in the fortress city of Tokyo-3.

Unsure of what his senses were telling him, he activated the comm. system.

"Err, Misato-san, I don't mean to be rude, but are you seeing the giant penis with tentacles that I'm seeing?"

"¬… Shit, you're right, Shinji!¬"

"Ok, it's not a problem; I just wanted to check that nothing was wrong. But now that I think about it, I've never wrestled with a penis before, tentacled or otherwise. What should I do?" the pilot asked with genuine uncertainty in his voice.

"¬Shoot it with your rifle!¬" Misato bellowed.

* * *

Aoba blinked twice before turning to face to Shigeru.

"You know, I think this is one of those 'once you've seen something, you can't unsee it' moments."

"Yeah, you're right."

Maya Ibuki sighed at the comments of her colleagues. She looked at Dr. Akagi and Captain Katsuragi, idly wondering why they'd arrived together.

'Sempai's timekeeping is usually good, so something must have happened last night. And why was Sempai looking at Shinji-kun like that…' realisation dawned on the Lieutenant's face. "Sempai! French Flipper Trick! Last night! Shinji-kun!"

"What?" the two older women asked, their blushes betraying the feigned outrage in their protest.

"Last night, you made Shinji-kun do the French Flipper Trick to you, didn't you, Sempai?" Maya accused.

"I did not make Shinji-kun do anything to me last night," Ritsuko insisted.

"It's true," Misato added. "Shinji only made Ritsuko dinner last night, nothing more."

"¬Why does everyone assume I can't keep my hands to myself?¬" Shinji asked. His rhetorical words causing a little bit of a panic when the Bridge Crew realised that the comm. system was still on.

"Err, don't worry about that right now, Shinji, you just shoot that Angel, ok?" Misato ordered.

* * *

Elsewhere in Tokyo-3, Kensuke and Touji were having a discussion about their new classmate.

"Dude, do you really expect me to believe that the new kid knows Rokku Haado?" Touji asked, rolling his eyes.

"Touji, he doesn't just know Rokku Haado, he used to live with him before he came to Tokyo-3!" the otaku replied. "I met Rokku Haado myself yesterday. In fact, I got a couple of photos of the Party Van!"

The muscular youth looked at the digital image. "You've got to be shittin' me! That's fuckin' Rokku Haado!"

Hikari Horaki sighed. 'Those two are going to get into trouble unless I keep an eye on them.'

The Class Rep made her apologies to her friends and walked over to where the two perverts were talking. "I'm going to have to ask you two to keep it down, there are kids in here."

"But Class Rep, do you have any idea who the new kid knows?" Touji demanded.

"I know that he used to live with someone famous, but that's no reason to disrupt the rest of the shelter," the brunette chided. "Please, calm down."

Suddenly, a thought hit Kensuke. 'Maybe…' "Err, excuse us, Class Rep, but we need to use the toilet."

Hikari was about to say 'no', when she realised that they could be in there for some time. "Ok, but be quick about it, ok?"

"Will do," the bespectacled youth smiled.

* * *

As the two friends stood side by side at the urinals, Kensuke made his suggestion.

"I think that we should get a good look at Shinji in action fighting that monster."

"Why?" Touji asked as he finished up. "Why would we want to go out there? It's dangerous. You do know that my sister got hurt because we didn't get to a shelter in time?"

"Well, yes, but we have to support our friend as he risks his life for the city!" the bespectacled youth insisted.

"Dude," the tracksuit clad boy said, finally turning to face his friend. "I get that you like weapons 'n shit, but I don't get how going topside is gonna help some robot pilot."

"But this could be our only chance to see a battle first hand!"

"Dude, I'm not going up there. What if we don't make it back? Who's going to look after my sister? If you want to go, then go, I'm not gonna rat you out or anything, but I'm not leaving until they tell us it's ok to leave."

* * *

Back in the entry plug of Unit-01, Shinji looked over the phallic Angel that was approaching his position.

"Right, let's try this rifle," he said aiming the oversized weapon and letting off a short burst.

It became obvious that of the seven rounds fired, a mere three hit the Angel, not slowing it down. Shinji frowned but opened fire again; trying to keep the aim in what he assumed was the centre mass.

The smoke cleared to reveal that the monster was unharmed and now appeared very angry.

"What do I do now?" the pilot asked, not quite sure how to deal with something that was now wrapping a tentacle around his weapon.

* * *

"Oh crap," Misato winced when she saw how the pallet rifle had exploded. The way that Unit-01 had been knocked backwards towards a hill was disheartening for the tactical officer. "Shinji, we're going to bring you back in, head towards the nearest recovery point."

"¬Ok, Misato-san, just tell me where-¬" Shinji's response was cut off by the Angel charging his prone Evangelion.

"¬AARRGGHHH!¬"

"Shinji!"

* * *

"D-don't worry about that, Misato-san," Shinji said over the comm. system. "I'll make it back – it's my turn to make dinner, right?"

Taking a moment to compose himself, the teenager opened the shoulder compartment and activated the progressive knife. Gripping it with both hands, he thrust the blade forward into a red orb in the centre of the Angel.

The Angel's tentacles seemed to spasm for several seconds as Shinji forced the knife further into the core. Finally, the appendages stopped moving.

"Is… is it dead?" Shinji asked.

"¬Hang on, Shinji, we're just checking,¬" Misato answered.

* * *

To be continued...

Pre-read by Chi Vayne, and possibly previewed on a forum or two.

I make no guarantees as to when the next chapter will surface.

Until laterer comes.


	9. Chapter 9

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Calling it "the human element" doesn't make the hooker scowl any less as she's wiping her eyes.

* * *

Chapter 9

* * *

Shinji bid good night to his roommates before retiring to his room. Seconds after closing the door, he collapsed on his bed. He was glad that the Angel had been defeated so quickly, but he could have done without the lengthy debriefing or the questions from his Uncle Rocco's co-workers.

'It's not that I don't like Aoi-san, but did she really have to grab me like that to re-enact the battle for Kei-san and Yuri-san?' the pilot wondered as he wriggled under his bedcovers. 'At least Uncle Rocco, Misato-san and Dr. Akagi are getting along.'

* * *

The three adults in question were getting along nicely inside Misato's living room, especially since the more adult actor had promised them a reward for saving the day.

"Now then, ladies, since it's down to your quick thinking that Hot Stuff was able to fight that monster without getting hurt, I'm going to treat you. What would you like me to do?" Rocco asked.

"Well, I wouldn't mind that flipper thing again," Ritsuko said, her memories of a past experience bringing forth a smile.

"Certainly, my dear Ruttingko. And you, Misato?"

"You know, it's been a long time since I had a good, hard fuck, followed by some nice spooning," the beer drinker answered wistfully.

The porn-star nodded. "Wait; did you say 'spooning' or 'scooping'? I don't mind doing either of them, but there's a significant difference."

"Spooning," Misato sighed. "Do you have to make everything filthy?"

"It's why I get paid the big money, my darling."

* * *

The next morning, Shinji bid his uncle farewell.

"Take care, Hot Stuff," Rokku smiled. "You don't want me to have to tell the girls the bad news, do you?"

"No, Uncle Rocco, I don't," the pilot replied. "Oh, I almost forgot to ask; were Nakata-san and his team any help to you?"

"From what I've seen of the rushes, they were brilliant, Shinji. Not only were they ready and willing to help out when the rest of the male cast fled for the hills, but they were pretty professional. Tell them I'll send them all a signed copy when it hits the shelves, ok?" the porn-star said with an upturned thumb. "Anyway, I've got to go back to the office and edit everything together. You keep up the good work."

"Will do, Uncle Rocco," Shinji saluted as the Party Van pulled off.

Moments later, Kensuke Aida and Touji Suzuhara came running up to where Shinji was standing.

"Where is he?" the muscular youth asked, barely out of breath. "Where's Rokku Haado?"

"Uncle Rocco? He just left," the pilot answered, pointing at the disappearing vehicle.

"We missed it? Shit!" Touji cursed. "It's your fault, Kensuke – if you weren't so weak and feeble, we'd have made it in time!"

"Bite me," Kensuke panted. "Did… did you get any gifts from your friends, Shinji?"

The young Ikari was torn. While he didn't want to lie to his friends, his gift wasn't a physical item. 'How do I tell them that, Kei-san and Yuri-san pinned me to the wall and kissed me while Aoi-san tried to take my clothes off?'

Shinji looked to the floor and put his hands in his pockets. He noticed that there was something in each pocket that hadn't been put there by him. After a moment, he realised what material the items were made of.

"Shinji?" Kensuke asked, having nearly regained his breath. "You alright man?"

"I… yeah, but…" the pilot blushed as he tried to word his response.

"What're hiding from us?" Touji demanded.

"Well, it's just that…" Shinji took a deep breath. "See for yourselves."

Kensuke and Touji were stunned when their friend pulled out two pairs of panties.

"Dude, did you get some used panties from two AV idols?" the bespectacled boy asked.

Shinji finally lifted them up to his eye-line. "Oh, they're signed. 'To my darling Hot Stuff, I won't be needing these when we meet again. Love Kei.'"

The two stooges stood open-mouthed as the pilot turned his attention to the other undergarment. "These are signed too. 'I regret that I have but one body to give to the saviour of humanity. That's why Kei and I are always up for a threesome with you.'"

Touji blinked. "Wha…?"

"Shinji, how much?" Kensuke asked, finally getting his voice box to work. "Seriously man, what do you want for them? I'll give you anything you want. I'll do anything you want."

"I can't sell you a gift, even if it is undeserved," Shinji insisted. "It wouldn't be right."

"Then how about give them to us as a sign of our friendship?" the otaku salivated. "I mean, if you feel that bad about having them, we'll take them off your hands."

"Wait," Touji said, his brain finally catching up on the whole picture. "If you're the 'saviour of humanity', then you're that robot pilot. You're the one who hurt my sister!"

The pilot gulped nervously. "…"

"But I suppose that I can forgive you. For a price…" the jock grinned evilly.

"I… I suppose that if it'll mean you won't hurt me," Shinji reasoned. "How much money do you want?"

"We don't want money."

"Oh… You want these."

Kensuke was impressed with the devious plan his friend had come up with so quickly. 'But why's Touji so bad at schoolwork?'

"Now, you hand over the panties and we'll forgive and forget and be the best of friends, ok?" Touji smiled genuinely.

"Well, Uncle Rocco always said you can't do everything on your own, some times you need to team up. I accept," Shinji said holding out his arms. "Take your pick."

There was a loud cough interrupting the decision making process.

"Who's that?" the muscular youth asked, unhappy that he was being denied his prize.

"Someone who hopes that you're not trying to extort valuable items for Shinji Ikari," a man in a black suit answered as he stepped into view. "Because if you are, then I'll have to pull out my gun and that means a lot of paperwork. And if I'm filling out paper work, then I might as well check the box that says I was compelled to use force to ensure the safety of the pilot of Unit-01."

"Saito-san!" Shinji exclaimed.

"Shinji-kun," Saito nodded before turning his attention to the two stooges. "Do you really want to continue with this plan of yours?"

"Who the fuck are you?" Touji demanded.

"I'm Saito, from NERV's Section Two. Not only is it my job to protect Shinji Ikari, but he's also my friend. Now, you can apologise to Shinji for trying to steal his stuff, or I can shoot you in the kneecaps. What's it going to be?"

"Fu-" the jock's attempt to call the bluff was cut off by the arrival of two more men in black suits.

"Saito, what's going on?" Nakata asked, drawing his service pistol in a single, fluid motion. "Who're these idiots? Are they threatening Shinji-kun?"

"I'm not sure, they haven't decided if they like being able to walk or not," Saito replied as he also pulled out his pistol. "So then boys, what's your answer going to be?"

"Touji, I think we should walk away," Kensuke said, barely able to keep control of his bladder.

The sound of hammers being cocked back made the tracksuit clad youth reconsider. "Err…"

"They're my friends," Shinji insisted, hoping to avoid violence.

"Are we misunderstanding the situation here, are these your friends, Shinji-kun?" Saito asked. "Because if they are, then they need to realise that friends don't threaten to beat you up to get stuff."

"We've learned this valuable lesson!" Kensuke insisted, bowing his head. "Come on Touji, let's go and reflect on this wisdom."

"Yeah, err, see you around?" Touji shrugged before running off.

Nakata turned to Shinji, putting away his pistol. "So, what were they trying to beat get from you?"

"These," the pilot said holding up the panties with the personalised messages.

"… I can see why they'd want these."

Saito shook his head. "Let's get you home, Shinji-kun."

"Yeah, I'm cooking for Misato-san tonight," Shinji nodded. "Oh, Uncle Rocco said that he was impressed with you when you helped him out."

"See, Shinji-kun, you're our friend, we'll look out for you," Nakata smiled. "If you've ever got something you need help with, let us know and we'll do what we can."

"Thank you, Nakata-san."

* * *

Shinji returned home to see Misato and Ritsuko talking with a brunette at the door.

"Misato-san?"

"Well, he's here now," the purple-haired woman shrugged. "Kodama wanted to know where you were."

"Hi Shinji-kun," Kodama smiled. "I wanted to say thank you for saving us all."

"It's ok," the pilot shrugged.

"Well, I wanted to thank you _personally_," the brunette winked. "Especially since you've done so much for me."

"I appreciate the offer, Kodama-san, but I've got to make dinner for Misato-san and Ritsuko-san."

"I'll help you."

Not wanting to risk alienating more friends, Shinji agreed. "Just let me get ready and I'll start on dinner."

* * *

Ritsuko and Misato sat on the couch as Shinji prepared dinner. While the Captain was sipping a beer, she noticed that the scientist seemed agitated about something.

"What's up, Ritsuko?"

"Nothing," the blonde lied.

"Yeah, nothing's wrong. Just like you weren't enjoying one last fumble with Rokku Haado this morning before he said goodbye," Misato said sarcastically, not seeing that Shinji had entered the room. "Oh shit, don't tell me that's why you're upset."

"Why who is upset?" the pilot asked.

The beer drinker clenched her teeth, not wanting to cause more trouble for the teenaged boy.

"Nothing's upsetting anyone, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko insisted. Her tone was icy, but her eyes cast a speculative glance over the nearly naked young man.

"Oh, OK," Shinji replied, beginning to feel uncomfortable with the situation. "I just wanted to tell you that dinner will be ready in five minutes, so if you wanted to wash up."

"Thanks, Shin-chan," Misato smiled. When the pilot left the room, she turned to face her friend. "Look, Ritsuko, I know you enjoyed that French Flipper Thingy, but Shinji's got a girlfriend, so you can't just expect him to act like his Uncle Rocco."

"I wasn't expecting him to act like his Uncle Rocco," Ritsuko said dismissively as she stood up to use the bathroom. "I'm just saying that I wouldn't object if he did."

"Remind me again why you're staying here."

The faux blonde shrugged.

* * *

At the dinner table, Kodama made small talk with Shinji. The older women had differing thoughts on the apparent success.

Misato thought that it was a good thing that Shinji was getting along with his girlfriend, while Ritsuko's thoughts were more selfish.

'I need to find another man that I can trust for that French Flipper Trick. Sorry, Kodama-chan, but NERV takes priority here,' the blonde thought with a smirk.

The Captain noticed the look on her friend's face and leaned in to say something. "Ritsuko, don't fuck up Shinji's shot at a relationship."

"What? I would never sabotage Shinji-kun's chance at happiness by mentioning that I saw three girls kissing and groping him before they left with Rokku Haado," Ritsuko insisted in her best innocent tone.

"What?" Kodama asked, turning to face the scientist.

"I saw Shinji kissing two blondes and a brunette earlier."

"It wasn't my fault! There were three of them, I was outnumbered!" Shinji insisted. "Kei-san, Yuri-san and Aoi-san just wanted to thank me for saving Tokyo-3. They had the element of surprise and before I knew it, they had me pinned against the wall forcing their panties into my pockets!"

The three females sat opened mouthed at the pilot's story.

Kodama was unsure if she should be outraged or impressed. She knew that there were others interested in Shinji, but she didn't know that his friends from Neo-Osaka had the tendency to molest him like that.

Misato had long since realised why her off-duty clothes hadn't gotten a reaction from Shinji, but it was only now that she was beginning to truly understand why Shinji hadn't responded to her flirting. 'I guess that Kodama might have to step things up if she wants to keep Shin-chan.'

Ritsuko shook her head, impressed with the sincerity of Shinji's words. "I'm sure that you feel that you were innocent in this matter," she said as she stood up and walked to where the pilot was sitting.

"I would believe you too, if it wasn't for the fact that you're sporting an erection from reliving the event!" the scientist declared, pulling Shinji up from his seat and turning him to face her. "Ha! See… wait, what's wrong here? Why aren't you in danger or poking one of my eyes out?"

"I think the real question is why are you so interested in Shin-chan's erection, Ritsuko?" Misato asked, putting down her beer.

"That's a very good question," Kodama agreed, unhappy at the way her boyfriend was being treated.

Shinji wriggled free from the blonde's grasp. "I know it's not my place to judge people for what they like to do in their spare time, but can we wait until after dinner before starting anything like this? And don't you think you should ask Kodama-san and Misato-san if they want to see you groping me first?"

"I… But why aren't you hard?" the blonde demanded as she cupped Shinji's balls. "Any other boy in your position would be spurting over my hand by now!"

"That's because it's dinner time, Dr. Akagi," the pilot chided. "And dinner normally comes before fooling around. Now, can we finish our food before it gets cold?"

"… Sorry, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko said, returning to her seat when she felt the glares from the other diners.

"Weren't you supposed to be keep things like from happening?" Misato asked, picking up her beer. "What would the Vice-Commander say?"

"I…" the blonde trailed off. "Damn it, I never meant for this to happen. I was caught up in the moment when Rokku Haado turned up and made me feel glad to be alive for the first time in years!"

The other women at the table were highly sceptical about Ritsuko's explanation for her sexual harassment of Shinji, but the young man in question was a trusting person.

"I understand what you mean, Ritsuko-san," the pilot said reassuringly. "Uncle Rocco said that there was a percentage of the population that were susceptible to erratic behaviour after experiencing the French Flipper Trick."

"Really?" Misato asked, peering over her beer at the naked youth.

"Yes, I'm not sure how much of this I'm remembering correctly, but I think it's something to do with brain chemistry. Something about the way the endorphins interact with nicotine levels in parts of the brain."

Ritsuko's normally brilliant mind processed Shinji's words, comparing them with what she knew about neurology. "There are centres that we know help control addiction and impulse control. And if there is pressure from swelling or foreign objects, then I can see how it could affect those parts of the brain."

"Wait, so you're telling me that you're brain damaged, Ritsuko?" the Captain teased.

The scientist ignored her friend's mockery and continued on her train of thought. "But how can there be pressure from a release of endorphins? Their effects don't last very long in the bloodstream. Also, nicotine doesn't have any abnormal effects on endorphins."

"Are you heavy smoker, Ritsuko-san?" Shinji asked. "Because when I asked Uncle Rocco about why some women were addicted to the French Flipper Trick, he said that people who were heavy smokers and ate a lot of processed food were more likely act irrationally until they got off."

"Is Ritsuko heavy smoker? She smokes like a damn chimney!" Misato laughed loudly.

"You drink like a fish," Ritsuko shot back.

"And Shinji-kun's hung like a horse," Kodama said absently, clearly enjoying her boyfriend's sartorial habits. She realised that people were looking at her. "What? Did I just say that out loud?"

"Yeah, you did," the college roommates said in unison.

Shinji looked down at his plate.

"I'm sorry, Shinji-kun, I didn't mean to embarrass you like that," the brunette apologised. "I was distracted and thought we were playing some sort of simile word game."

"It's ok, Kodama-san," the pilot smiled with a small blush. "I'm still getting used to my life here in Tokyo-3."

"What was it like when you were living with your Uncle Rocco?" Ritsuko asked, wondering what Shinji's blush was about.

"Well, there were some fun times," Shinji said, sitting up in his seat. "I mean, there was the time I was helping out on set with Flash and Grab."

"'Flash and Grab?'" the scientist repeated.

"Yes, it was a version of Uncle Ivor's story about sex addicts. That's the story they mention in Touching Folded Wings. Uncle Ivor went back and wrote Flash and Grab after people started writing in and asking about it and why the characters in 'Touching' were so interested in it."

"Wait, so it's a film version of a story that's in a story?" Misato asked.

"Yeah, Uncle Rocco was worried that it would sound a bit pretentious too, but he was happy about how it turned out," Shinji replied, "Especially since it won so many awards."

"What awards did it win?" Kodama asked.

"Well, there's: Best Direction, Best Scripted Story, Best Adaptation, Best Editing, Best Actor and Best Ensemble Cast," the pilot answered, counting on his fingers. "Plus its international grosses paid off Uncle Rocco's house."

"The mind boggles," Ritsuko said, shaking her head. "And just what did you do on set?"

"I helped with the catering and I was a general set dogsbody, getting more tapes, additional lights, towels, that sort of thing," Shinji said, finishing his food. "Oh, and I was a background actor in some of the outside scenes."

"What scenes were you in?" the blonde asked, leaning in to get a better reading of Shinji's body language.

"I was boy who got stalked by the character Ayane Yamadera."

"So, you are a porn star?" Misato smirked.

"No, I was never in a starring role – I was only speaking in four or five scenes, and then I was only naked in one of them," Shinji insisted. "And they were all cut from the final version of the film."

"Why were you naked in that scene, Shinji-kun?" Kodama asked, still shocked by her boyfriend's candour.

"I was playing the character 'Shiro', who gets used as a pawn in Yamaderas' games. One of their games was to seduce a young boy, but it doesn't work out as they planned," the pilot explained.

"Why not, Shinji-kun?" the brunette asked.

"Ayane is interrupted before she can do anything more than take her top off while they're in the bathroom. In the original book, she gets further into her plan before she has to sneak out the fire escape," Shinji replied.

The sound of the doorbell ringing cut off further discussion on Shinji Ikari's film career and the merits of the adaptation of Flash and Grab.

"I'll get it," the pilot smiled, rising to his feet.

* * *

Outside the apartment, Touji turned to Kensuke.

"Dude, are you sure this is a good idea? Won't he be angry?"

"Yeah, I checked the records myself. Don't worry about Shinji, he's a friendly guy," the otaku insisted.

The door opened to reveal Shinji in all his glory.

"Oh, hi, Kensuke, is there something I can do for you?"

"…" the two visitors stood open-mouthed.

"Is something wrong?" the pilot asked, looking concerned for his friends' wellbeing.

"D-d-d-dude…" Touji stammered pointing at Shinji's lack of clothing.

Shinji, not realising that he was what the tracksuit-clad youth was pointing at, turned to his right to reveal a trio of attractive women sitting at the dinner table, one of whom was an irritated looking bleach-blonde.

"Who's that at the door, Shinji-kun?" Ritsuko asked with a noticeable tone of displeasure in her voice. "We were just getting to the interesting part."

"I-i-interesting part?"

* * *

To be continued…

Pre-read by Chi Vayne and preveiwed on certain intertubes.


	10. Chapter 10

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: I guess there's just no way of knowing.

* * *

Chapter 10

* * *

"What do you mean by 'interesting part', Shinji?" Kensuke asked.

"I was telling everyone about my experiences on set with Uncle Rocco," the pilot replied. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Can we come in?" the otaku asked hopefully.

"Hey, aren't you Kensuke Aida and Touji Suzuhara?" Kodama asked, walking to the front door. "My sister mentioned you two the other day."

"Who's your sister?" Touji asked as he got a good look at the brunette. "Wait, you're the Class Rep's sister!"

"Yes, I am Kodama Horaki, Hikari's sister. Now, if you've finished gawping at my boyfriend, you can clear off," Kodama said, slamming the door in the two stooges' faces. She turned to face Shinji. "Now, I believe that we were having dinner."

The naked young man decided against protesting and returned to the dining table.

"Sorry about that," he said apologetically.

"Don't worry about it, Shinji," Misato smiled.

"I'm sure I can think of something you can do to make it up to us," Ritsuko leered.

The Captain turned to face her friend. "Are you incapable of acting like a normal human being?"

The blonde shrugged dismissively. "I thought we'd already established that it's not my fault."

"Then maybe you should get checked into rehab for your sex addiction, Ritsuko."

"And why I should take advice on addiction from an alcoholic?"

"Fine, be like that," the purple-haired woman said, her eyes narrowing. "Don't say I didn't warn you about this when the Vice-Commander finds out about your wandering hands."

"You wouldn't…" Ritsuko trailed off when she saw the stony look on Misato's face. "You would, wouldn't you?"

"Are you going to apologise to Shinji?" Misato asked.

"Shinji-kun, I am sorry for my earlier behaviour," the blonde said with a formal bow.

"That's ok, Ritsuko-san," Shinji said, trying to calm things down. "Uncle Rocco warned me that using the French Flipper Trick too often could make things difficult. I think there's something you can do to help addiction to it, but I'll need to call him. May I use the phone, Misato-san?"

"Of course, Shinji."

* * *

Rokku Haado was handed a phone with the message that it was Shinji calling.

"What's up, Hot Stuff?"

"¬I think that Ritsuko-san is addicted to the French Flipper Trick.¬"

"What makes you say that, Shinji? Is she acting like she's in heat or something?"

"¬Yeah, she's been saying all sorts of things to try getting me in the mood to do things with her. Is there anything I can do to help her?¬" the concerned pilot asked.

"You can't really cure someone of FFT addiction," Rocco sighed as he leant back in his chair. "All you can do is try to manage it. Your best option is to ensure that she's getting a thorough fucking on a regular basis."

"¬I see. So I should try to fix Ritsuko-san up with someone?¬"

"If you can guarantee that she'll have difficulty walking afterwards. If whoever's doing her isn't very good, then you'll be back at square one, only she'll be even more determined to get her fix."

"¬Oh, I don't know anyone who would be suitable for that,¬" Shinji replied somewhat dejectedly. "¬Well, other than you, of course, Uncle Rocco.¬"

"Has my apprentice admitted defeat already without even taking Titsuko for a test run?" the bearded man teased. "I thought I trained you better than that."

"¬What? You think I should see to Ritsuko-san?¬"

"I suppose I can understand your reluctance given your girlfriend and all that, but you know what you must do with delicious cake, Hot Stuff. Besides, as chores go, it's far from the worst I can think of."

"¬I suppose so, but I'll have to talk it over with Kodama-san.¬"

"That's the spirit, Shinji. I'll tell you what – I'll do some research and if I find anything out that can help you, I'll let you know."

"¬That'd be great, Uncle Rocco,¬" Shinji said happily. "¬I've got to go now, so take care.¬"

"You too, Shinji," Rocco smiled.

* * *

Misato was not happy with Ritsuko. She had made this clear several times, and she was beginning to get tired of voicing her opinion on the matter. The Captain did have some understanding of Ritsuko's situation – the French Flipper Trick had made her consider a threesome with her and Rokku Haado.

And she knew that Ritsuko wasn't cruising for boys in the schools of Tokyo-3. She also knew that she wasn't the sort of woman that slept around. Hell, Ritsuko barely dated when they were in college and that was before she had to work odd hours to help save humanity.

But that didn't give her the right to sabotage the burgeoning relationship between Shinji and Kodama.

Kodama sat observing the two women sitting opposite her. "Err, I don't mean to be rude, but when are you going home, Akagi-san?"

"I am home," the scientist replied, lighting up a cigarette, "At least for the time being, anyway."

"What? You're staying here?"

"Unfortunately so," Misato said, getting up and retrieving a beer from the fridge. "Ritsuko here was ordered to make sure that Shinji is kept on the straight and narrow."

"But she's…" Kodama trailed off as Shinji returned from making his phone call. "Is something up, Shinji-kun?"

The pilot wore a conflicted look on his face. "Kodama-san, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Ok, I guess we can talk in your room," the brunette said standing up.

Shinji closed the door to his room and took a deep breath. "Kodama-san, I talked with Uncle Rocco and he said that there isn't a proper cure for Ritsuko-san's condition."

"Oh," Kodama said with a concerned look on her face. "So what can you do about it? You have to do something about her."

"I know, but the treatment that Uncle Rocco suggested isn't something that I'm desperate to do."

"What is it? I don't like the idea of you being forced to do things you don't want to do," the brunette said reaching forward to hold Shinji's hand.

Shinji smiled softly at his girlfriend's words. "That means a lot to me, Kodama-san. It really does."

"So, what did he say?"

The pilot took another deep breath. "He said that Ritsuko-san needs a thorough fucking – the kind that means you can't walk properly. It's something that needs to be done regularly. That and he thinks that I'm the one who's best suited to help her out with this."

"Oh, so that's where you come into all this?" Kodama asked rhetorically. "I bet most boys would give their right arms to be in your situation."

"But that's not what I want," Shinji insisted. "I like to help people whenever I can, but I don't want to just thrust into random women. I don't need to grope them – it's not what I'm looking for in a girlfriend."

"What are you looking for in a girlfriend?"

"Someone who'll hold me at night and tell me that everything's going to be alright, to make me feel that I've got something to fight for, who can accept me for who I am, even if I'm not very good at anything."

Kodama blinked in surprise. She pulled the pilot into an embrace and sighed happily. "Shinji-kun…"

"Kodama-san?"

"Everything's going to be alright, Shinji-kun."

* * *

Touji and Kensuke sat on the swings in a nearby park.

"Dude, what's going on with Ikari?" the muscular boy asked his friend. "Those two women were hot!"

"The Class Rep's sister isn't exactly ugly either," Kensuke added. "And she said that he was her boyfriend."

"Maybe, but if I had the chance, I'd do the purple-haired one first," Touji declared. "Then the blonde."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," the otaku nodded.

"He's got to be doing all of 'em."

"You really think so?"

"Oh yeah, Ken, no doubt about it," Touji reasoned. "Look, you saw him when he answered the door. If I was packin' what he's packin' I'd be doing every hot chick I could get my hands on."

Kensuke was silent as he was involuntarily reminded of Shinji's penis. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and shook his head.

"Yeah, I know what you mean, dude," the jock scratched his head. "As hot as those two women are, we gotta go do something else."

"Yeah, you can't unsee something like that."

* * *

"So what should we tell Ritsuko-san?" Shinji asked.

Kodama stroked her ponytail as she considered the potential ramifications of their options.

The brunette knew that if Ritsuko was told that the cure for her addiction was frequent sex with a suitably energetic and skilled partner, Shinji would find himself saddled with a new job.

'And he's too polite to refuse her,' she thought with a sigh. "Maybe it'll go away on its own?"

"I don't think that it will, Kodama-san," Shinji replied. "Otherwise Uncle Rocco wouldn't have told me that Ritsuko-san needs a thorough fucking."

"But if we tell her that then she'll force you to do things you don't want to," the brunette sighed. An idea occurred to her. "What if we tell her that there isn't anything we can do right now and hope for the best?"

"But…"

"Hear me out, Shinji-kun. If we tell her that there's nothing we can do right now, then it gives your Uncle a chance to find something else we can do. If it gets too bad, then we can sort something out."

The pilot was clearly uneasy about lying to someone, especially someone who was responsible for making sure that he was able to pilot the Evangelion properly.

It was something that his girlfriend instantly picked up on.

"I don't like lying to people either, Shinji-kun, but I like the idea of people forcing themselves on you even less. You're a special person and I want to keep you as special as I can."

"You really mean that, don't you?" Shinji asked looking up into Kodama's brown eyes.

"I do, Shinji-kun."

* * *

As Misato finished another beer, she felt some concern for Shinji. Sure, he had some unusual habits courtesy of his upbringing, but that didn't mean that he was a bad person.

'He's a good kid,' the Captain mused, remembering his politeness and domestic prowess. She cast a glance towards Ritsuko. 'What's she up to?'

Ritsuko finished her cigarette as Shinji returned with Kodama in tow.

'That girl is going to interfere,' the blonde decided.

"Ritsuko-san, I spoke with Uncle Rocco and he said that he'll see if there's anything that can help you," the pilot said with an apologetic look on his face.

"Yes, unfortunately, there's not a lot we can do to help you right now," Kodama added, taking attention away from Shinji.

Both Ritsuko and Misato felt that Kodama wasn't being entirely truthful, but had differing feelings on the matter.

'She's trying to keep Shinji-kun all to herself,' the faux blonde decided.

'She's trying to help Shinji,' the purple-haired woman thought with a smile. "Ok, well, if there's nothing that we can do, there's nothing we can do. Well, it's getting late, so I'm afraid it's chucking out time."

"Ah, I was wondering if it was ok if I slept over," Kodama asked, still keeping close to Shinji.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Ritsuko opined. "After all, we're trying to keep Shinji-kun from doing anything improper, and having a teenaged girl staying the night is just a recipe for disaster."

"Yes, because you've not tried to do anything improper to Shinji-kun this evening have you?" Misato sniped. "But Ritsuko does have a point, Kodama-chan."

"I can trust Shinji-kun to act like a gentleman," the brunette insisted. "He's not a pervert who grabs girls at every opportunity. Besides, would you let your boyfriend stay under the same roof with an unsupervised pervert who was trying to molest him?"

"And Kodama has a point that rivals yours, Ritsuko. Hmm, do you two promise not to have sex in the night?" the Captain asked, half serious, half teasing.

"I promise, Misato-san," Shinji said earnestly.

"And what about you, Kodama-chan?"

"I promise that I'll only hold Shinji-kun close to me," Kodama said with in a solemn tone.

"Ok then, off to bed you pair," Misato winked.

"And that's good enough for you?" Ritsuko snorted in derision after the teenagers left for Shinji's room.

"Can you make that same promise that you wouldn't try fooling around with Shinji?"

"…"

"I didn't think so."

* * *

The next morning at school, Kensuke Aida lifted his head to see his friend collapse in his seat.

"You look just like I feel," the otaku said around a yawn.

"So tired… I couldn't sleep last night," Touji yawned. "Every time I closed my eyes…"

Kensuke understood why his friend shuddered. "Yeah, me too man, me too."

"What's up with you two?" Hikari Horaki asked, approaching the two delinquents.

"We went to see Ikari last night," Touji answered.

"You didn't spend the night with Shinji-kun, did you?" the Class Rep asked, horrified at the thought of untold debauchery at the Ikari/Katsuragi residence.

"No, he just answered the door," the jock answered, shuddering involuntarily again.

"What?" Suddenly, the penny dropped and Hikari understood what the two boys' problem was. "Oh that…"

"Yeah, that," Touji nodded. "Still, I guess my pants would be too tight if I was living with those babes!"

"You mean Misato-san?" the brunette asked, managing to hide her disgust at Touji's crude behaviour. 'I can't believe that Suzuhara-kun's so rude and Shinji-kun's so polite…'

Shinji's arrival interrupted the Class Rep's reverie. "Oh, good morning, Shinji-kun."

"Good morning, Hikari-san," the pilot greeted cheerfully. "Hi Kensuke, Touji. Is something up? You two look really tired."

"It's your fault we didn't get much sleep last night, Ikari," Kensuke muttered.

"How is it my fault – you were only at my apartment for a minute."

"Yeah, but you answered the door butt naked!" the jock growled. "Every time I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, I kept seeing your schlong staring back at me!"

Hikari couldn't control herself as she spoke aloud. "Wait, so you two were up all night thinking about Shinji-kun's thingy?"

The rest of the classroom fell silent.

"It's not what you think!" Kensuke insisted, jumping to his feet. "We went to his place last night and he's living with these total babes!"

"Yeah, you shouldn't hog all the hot chicks, Ikari!" Touji growled.

Shinji sighed as, yet again, he became the centre of attention for things outside of his control. "I just live and work with Misato-san and Ritsuko-san, I'm not hogging anyone. If you just make wild accusations like that, people will get the wrong idea. That's why Saito-san and Nakata-san pointed their guns at you yesterday."

"…" the two stooges froze as they remembered to Section Two agents and their willingness to use their weapons.

"Now that we've got that cleared up," the pilot said placing his bag on his desk, "how are you this morning, Hikari-san? I'm sorry that Kodama-san didn't let you know that she was sleeping over, but it was a last minute thing."

"Hang on," Kensuke said, raising his right index finger. "Are you telling us that not only are you living with two extremely hot women, but you had your girlfriend sleep over last night?"

Shinji rolled his eyes. "Yes, and my girlfriend is Hikari-san's sister. Is there anything else you want to know? Maybe what I cooked for dinner or what I'm having for lunch today?"

Hikari was taken aback by the pilot's snarky attitude. "Is something wrong, Shinji-kun?"

"No, Hikari-san, I'm sorry for snapping like that. It's just that I'm getting tired of people making a big deal about trivial things like who I live with and who I'm going out with," the young Ikari explained. "Am I that big of a deal?"

Further discussion on the matter was cut off by the sounding of the chimes and the arrival of the teacher.

"Good morning, Class."

* * *

At NERV HQ, Ritsuko was trying to go about her daily tasks. Her normal focus was lacking, and Maya Ibuki quickly picked up on it.

"Is there something wrong, Sempai?"

The blonde let out a deep breath before leaning back in her chair. "I don't know why, but I just can't seem to keep focused on my work today."

"Are you feeling alright?" the lieutenant asked, reaching over to place a hand on the scientist's forehead. "You look a little flushed."

"Stop that!" Ritsuko snapped, moving away from her assistant. "I'm very particular about who touches me."

"You didn't seem to object to Rokku Haado touching you the other night," Maya sniped cattily.

"You got me there, but I'm looking for someone with something that you're lacking."

"You're rejecting me because I'm a girl?" the lieutenant asked angrily.

"Hey, I'm all for equal opportunities, but I need a good dicking," the blonde insisted jumping to her feet.

"So if I had a strap-on, you'd be more amenable?"

"That and if you were to wear a plugsuit."

"Ritsuko!" a second visitor shouted from the doorway.

* * *

"Ritsuko!" Misato shouted at her roommate.

"What?" the blonde asked, her eyes flicking open.

"Look, I know you're going through a difficult time right now, but can you stop playing with yourself at work?" the Captain chided.

"What?" Ritsuko asked, looking down to see that her left hand was on her breast and her right was pulling up her skirt. "Oh shit!"

"Yeah, and what was that about getting Maya to wear a plugsuit?"

"It's not what you think!"

Misato looked thoughtful for a moment before raising her right index finger. "If you weren't fantasising about Maya wearing a plugsuit, then what were you thinking about?"

Ritsuko was saved from having to answer that awkward question by the ringing of her phone.

"Hello?"

"¬Dr. Akagi, report to my office now. If Captain Katsuragi is in your office, bring her with you. This is important NERV business,¬" Gendo Ikari instructed before hanging up.

"Oh-kay," the blonde said blinking in surprise. She shook her head before turning to Misato. "That was the Commander; he said that we've got to go to his office immediately. Apparently, it's important NERV business."

* * *

Gendo Ikari sat at his desk, looking over the report on the JSSDF's latest project. His former teacher stood to his right.

"Do you really think that it has a chance at defeating an Angel, Ikari?" the grey-haired man asked.

"Perhaps, if they had the resources we have available. But our need is far greater than theirs, Sensei, which is why we cannot allow this demonstration to succeed."

"Indeed," Fuyutsuki nodded.

After a moment's silence, Ritsuko and Misato arrived.

"What is it you wanted to talk to us about, Sir?" the Captain asked.

"The JSSDF is unveiling its plan to stop the Angels," Gendo answered. "I want you two to visit their event as NERV's representatives. Try not to get too drunk on their complimentary alcohol, Captain."

Misato winced at the accusation, much to Ritsuko's amusement.

"The car leaves for the unveiling at 8:45 tomorrow morning," the Commander added. "You are dismissed."

As the two women turned to leave, the bearded man signalled for Ritsuko to stay back.

"Commander Ikari?" the blonde asked, just as surprised as Misato was.

"I have a task for you. Report to Nakata and Saito in Section Two."

* * *

In another part of NERV's Japanese HQ, Saito turned to Nakata. "Send Tendo out, this isn't for his ears."

"Will do, boss."

* * *

To be continued…

This was surprisingly quick and easy to write. Which may explain any quality issues you see here.

Pre-read by Chi Vayne and previewed on certain intertubes.

Until the next time, peoples!


	11. Chapter 11

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: This is why you should only buy your BDSM gear from reputable sources. Because otherwise you could very well end up with a gimp mask made of plastic explosives.

* * *

Chapter 11

* * *

Kodama just managed to reach her seat before the teacher entered the classroom.

"Good morning class," the middle-aged man greeted. "Unfortunately, Yagami-sensei has called in sick this morning and I have asked to take charge of his morning PE classes. Because of that, I'm making this period self-study. And please use it to study; I intend to give you all a test this afternoon."

"I think we can manage that, Fujiyama-sensei," the class rep smiled.

"Thank you, Kanzaki-san. Now is everyone here? Yes, it looks like it from this angle. I'll see you all after lunch for an important test," Fujiyama smiled before leaving his classroom.

Tohru Kanzaki turned to see Kodama let out a sigh of relief. She walked over to her friend.

"Is something wrong, Kodama-chan? You were nearly late this morning."

"Sorry about that, Tohru-chan, I had to return home," Kodama explained.

"Did you forget your lunch or something?"

"Not quite, Tohru-chan," Kodama smiled nervously.

"Oh, what's this?" another classmate asked. She had long blonde hair, pulled tight in a pony tail. "Does Kodama Horaki have some unpleasant secret she's keeping under wraps?"

The eldest Horaki sister rolled her eyes when she realised that if she didn't explain things properly here and now, she'd have to put up with all sorts of rumours until the next major event.

"If you must know, Kyoko-chan, my terrible secret is that I slept over at my boyfriend's last night."

"Well, I guess that's a valid reason…" Kyoko trailed off. "Wait, since when did you have a boyfriend, Kodama? Who is he? What class is he in?"

Kodama took in a deep breath. "He doesn't go to this school."

"Oh, so you're dating a college student then?" Tohru asked. "What's he studying?"

"Err…"

"He's not a college student, is he?" Kyoko asked, having read the discomfort on Kodama's face. "So, what are you hiding from us, Kodama-chan? And why?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe it's your habit of stealing boyfriends, Kyoko-chan," Kodama sniped.

'That's a mean thing to say, Kodama-chan,' Tohru chided mentally. 'Doesn't make it any less true though…'

"What can I say, I've been blessed with natural talent," the blonde said, absently running a hand through her hair and drawing attention to her large breasts.

"Yeah, yeah, we get that you could have any guy you wanted, Kyoko-chan," a fourth female student spoke up. Megumi Unryuu was a victim of Kyoko's predations. She shot a dirty look at the slutty blonde before turning her attention to Kodama.

"So what's your boyfriend like, Kodama-chan?"

"Shinji-kun? Well, he's nice. He's not like other guys," Kodama thought with a fond smile on her face.

Megumi was happy for her friend. At least she was until a thought occurred to her. "Wait, wasn't that weird nudist kid from your sister's school called Shinji?"

Tohru was aghast. "Kodama-chan, don't tell me you're dating HIM?"

Kyoko's interest was obvious. 'A challenge appears!'

"Shinji-kun isn't just some weird nudist, he's special," the brunette replied.

"In what way?" the blonde asked, a plan of action forming in her mind. 'He's in junior high, so he should drool over my body, but what's this "weird" thing they mentioned?'

"Promise you won't blab this around, ok?" Kodama asked. When she saw the nods of agreement, she continued. "Shinji-kun is the pilot of that purple robot thing."

"So that means he must be quite fit then?" Kyoko asked, wondering if it would be worth going all the way with Shinji rather than just letting him cop a feel as she had with so many other conquests.

"Shinji-kun's body is in perfect shape," Kodama sighed dreamily.

"So you've actually seen him 'up close and personal', then?" Megumi asked rhetorically.

"Oh yes…"

* * *

In his class, Shinji Ikari was starting to feel uncomfortable. He couldn't put his finger on why he was, but he was narrowing it down to the feeling that people were planning things for him and the fact that some of his classmates had spent the night thinking about him.

The pilot closed his eyes for a moment as he thought about what to do. 'What should I do? I don't want to judge them for their thoughts, but I don't want to encourage them… I'll go with Uncle Rocco's "Look but don't touch" policy.'

Feeling better, Shinji returned his attention to the chalkboard and copied down the text.

To his left, Kensuke Aida was thinking about the best way to go about fixing his reputation at school. Sure, Touji and Shinji were his best friends, but he never thought about them in _that_ way. He lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes, hoping to instil enough wisdom from the cosmos to help him solve his problem.

Touji, meanwhile, was slumped over his desk and snoring softy. His exhaustion had caught up with him and he'd fallen asleep thanks to the teacher's monotone voice and boring subject matter.

Sitting at her desk by the window, Rei Ayanami cast her uncovered eye out towards the horizon. She broke off from her silent observation of the outside world when the bell rang.

Turning her attention to Shinji Ikari, she overheard part of a conversation about his home arrangements.

"I'm telling you guys that I just work and live with Misato-san. There's nothing more to it than that."

"Then why did you move in with her?"

Shinji sighed before recounting the tale. "I was still shaken up by piloting Unit-01 and Misato-san thought that it would be better if I wasn't alone and she arranged for me to stay with her."

"And then what?"

"And then I started to do some of the chores for her."

"Have you seen her naked yet?" Touji asked.

"Once or twice," Shinji replied with a shrug. "It's not a huge apartment, so seeing each other undressed is bound to happen."

"Are you interested in Ikari-kun's nudity or Captain Katsuragi's?" Rei asked, having stood up from her desk.

"That's right; you spent the night thinking about Shinji-kun…" Hikari said, trailing off when she realised what she was saying.

"Never mind that!" the muscular youth said, slamming a fist onto the wooden desk. "It still doesn't explain why you answered the door naked last night."

All eyes turned to Shinji for an answer.

"It cuts down on the laundry I have to do," the male pilot replied as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"But not everyone wants to see your junk, Ikari!" Touji growled. "I mean it wouldn't be so bad if it was that hottie with the purple hair answering the door naked."

"Yeah," Kensuke nodded in agreement. "Anyway, what kind of excuse is 'I don't like doing laundry' for not wearing clothes? Surely you'd just wear the same thing for several days?"

"The smell of stale sweat would be disgusting," Shinji said, wrinkling his nose. "Uncle Rocco taught me to be very strict about personal hygiene. And I think he'd say 'and don't call me Shirley', though I don't know why."

* * *

In Saito's office, the Section Two agent finished explaining his covert mission to Dr. Akagi.

"So, you see why we need to prevent this Jet Alone project from succeeding."

"Yes. So, what do you think would be a suitable method of sabotage?" the blonde asked, quickly realising that if Jet Alone succeeded, not only would NERV's budget be reduced, but there was a chance that Shinji would leave Tokyo-3.

And that would be a crime in Ritsuko's highly biased opinion.

Saito had already realised this potential scenario himself and, like the brilliant scientist to his right, considered this unacceptable, though for different reasons.

"I think we should look into hacking the computer controls," the agent replied. "It's powered by a fission reactor, so if we can direct it towards an urban area, the Government will pull the plug as soon as it can to prevent a public backlash."

"Leaving us to benefit. Good plan, Saito," Ritsuko said, pulling out her cigarettes. "I'll start working with the MAGI to lay down the groundwork. What if Shinji-kun is required to stop it?"

"Which is why I've taken it upon myself to acquire the schematics," Saito replied. "I don't have them yet, and we may need the MAGI to get them, but I'm sure that we can come up with a quick way of stopping it before Shinji-kun gets hurt."

* * *

At the end of the school day, Shinji was helping Rei and Hikari tidy up the classroom.

"Ikari-kun," the blue-haired girl said, placing the bucket on the floor.

"Yes, Ayanami-san?" Shinji replied looking up.

"May I ask you some questions?"

"If I can answer any of them for you, Ayanami-san, then I will," the male pilot said cheerfully.

Rei nodded once. "Why is that Aida-kun and Suzuhara-kun are so interested in you and your domestic habits? Do you think that they are interested in relationship deeper than that of friendship?"

Shinji took a breath as he considered the reasons his friends could have for their… enthusiastic interest and his classmate's suggestion. "I suppose that's it's possible that they want to be more than friends, Ayanami-san. But I can't entirely sure as I haven't asked them."

"They seemed uncomfortable when it was suggested that they were interested in a potentially romantic relationship. Does such a thing elicit similar feelings in yourself, Ikari-kun?"

"Not really, Ayanami-san. When I was living with Uncle Rocco and Uncle Ivor, they explained to me that some times men prefer to be intimate with other men, just as some times women prefer to be intimate with other women."

"I see," Rei nodded. "Do you have a preference for male or female intimacy?"

"Female," Shinji blushed lightly as he recalled the pleasant memories of sleeping with Kodama. "Do you have any preference, Ayanami-san?"

"Until today, I had not given much thought to intimacy. Are there benefits to being intimate with one sex over the other?"

The male pilot relaxed slightly as he had finished his task. "It would depend on your personal preference, Ayanami-san, and it would depend on what your partner or partners are like. It is a gross generalisation, but the general rule is there are two aspects of a sexual relationship."

"And what are these aspects?" Rei asked, her mind casting back to her biology lessons on human reproduction.

"Uncle Rocco referred to these aspects as 'the bitch' and 'the butch'," Shinji explained. "One gives, the other takes, as it were."

The blue haired girl processed this information. "This would explain the development of both the penis and the vagina."

"Yes," Shinji nodded. He glanced up at the clock. "Oh, I'm sorry to run off like this, Ayanami-san, but I've got to get home to finish the laundry and start cooking dinner for Misato-san and Ritsuko-san."

"I understand, Ikari-kun," Rei nodded. "Thank you for answering my questions, you have been most useful. If I have more questions for you, when would be a good time for us to discuss them?"

"If you give me enough notice, you could come over for dinner one evening."

"I will do that, thank you, Ikari-kun."

* * *

Saito placed the report Nakata had handed to him on his desk. "An interesting development, don't you think, Nakata? Especially since that was not your mission."

"My apologies," Nakata bowed. "But I felt that I needed to take the opportunity to prevent the Jet Alone project from being completed on schedule."

"We appreciate the delay, but you did take unnecessary risks, Nakata."

"I felt that risking Shinji-kun's health in an operation to stop this nuclear monstrosity was far greater."

Saito cast a glance at Nakata and saw the honest expression on his face. "Officially, I'm chiding you for not following orders. Unofficially, I'm congratulating you on your initiative."

"Thank you," Nakata bowed. "I know that Shinji-kun can never know about our involvement this, so we won't benefit from his female friends showing their appreciation for keeping him from being irradiated, but that doesn't mean that we can't keep our line to Rokku Haado in as good a health as possible."

* * *

Ritsuko Akagi looked at her phone as she entered the elevator in Misato's apartment block. 'It's Saito…'

"Akagi speaking."

"¬Dr. Akagi, it's Saito here. I'm just ringing you to tell you about our mission.¬"

"Oh?"

"¬Yes, it's currently on hold. I will update you when I have more data, but it's unlikely that it will need to go ahead.¬"

"What happened?" the faux blonde asked as she hit the button to travel upwards.

"¬Technical difficulties on their part. This conversation never took place,¬" Saito said before ending the call.

"Weird," Ritsuko shrugged. 'Still, I guess that means I can take it easy tomorrow.'

* * *

Shinji greeted Ritsuko from the kitchen, dressing in an apron and slippers.

"Evening, Shinji-kun," the blonde replied. When the pilot turned around to finish preparing dinner, Ritsuko was reminded of why she had been planning something with Section Two. 'I really should see if Shinji-kun is as skilled as his Uncle Rocco…'

Misato emerged from her room, dressed in her cut-off shorts and yellow tank-top. "Looks like you made it home at the right time, Ritsuko."

"Yeah," the scientist nodded, her gazed locked onto the bare flesh of Shinji's buttocks.

"Stop gawping at Shinji's bare ass like that, Ritsuko."

"You're just jealous because it's inappropriate for you to sleep with Shinji-kun," Ritsuko replied, slipping out of her shoes.

"You're hardly one to talk about inappropriate behaviour, Ritsuko. Or did you forget about last night?" the purple-haired woman sniped.

"You're right, Misato," the blonde sighed. "But you experienced that French Flipper Trick too. You just can't 'unexperience' it. Not without massive amounts of brain damage, at any rate."

"That doesn't mean you can molest Shinji. Especially when he's got a girlfriend."

* * *

After an uneventful dinner, the phone rang and Shinji left the lounge to answer it.

"Hello?"

"¬Hi Shinji-kun, it's me, Kodama.¬"

"Hi, Kodama-san, what can I do for you?"

"¬Well, since we don't have school tomorrow, I was wondering if you'd like to go out on a date? I mean, if you're not too busy, that is.¬"

"Yeah, I'd like that, Kodama-san," the pilot smiled happily. "Is there anything you'd like to do?"

It took a great deal of Kodama's willpower not to reply with 'You, Shinji-kun!', but she managed to sound nonchalant as she suggested karaoke.

"That sounds like fun, but I should warn you about my bad singing," Shinji replied modestly. "I'll do my best not to embarrass you, Kodama-san."

"¬I'm sure that you'll know how to make it up to me,¬" Kodama teased.

Shinji blushed as he hung up the phone and left to tell Misato about his plans.

* * *

In Germany, Asuka Langley Sohryu knocked on the door to her guardian's office.

"Hey, Kaji," she greeted.

"Hi Asuka, what's up?" the long-haired man looked up from his desk and asked the redhead.

"What do you know about the pilots in Tokyo-3? You know, the First and Third Children?"

"That would be Rei Ayanami and Shinji Ikari," Kaji answered, swivelling in his chair to give his ward his full attention. "Shinji's the one that's got the experience fighting the Angels."

"What's he like?" Asuka asked.

"I honestly don't know, though I heard he was living with Misato Katsuragi."

"I remember Misato, she's fun."

"You're telling me," Kaji smiled fondly.

"What about Rei?" the redhead followed up.

The long-haired man sighed. "Rei is… well, she's less fun than Misato-chan."

* * *

Shinji answered the door to Misato's apartment.

"Hello, Kodama-san," he smiled politely. "How are you this morning?"

The girl in question was unsure how she felt about the fact that Shinji was fully dressed for a change. 'I guess I'll just have to catch the late show.'

"I'm very well this morning, how about you, Shinji-kun?"

"I'm feeling good, Kodama-san. So, do you know where we're going?"

"Yep, I hope you don't mind if we do some shopping first, there are some new albums that I want to check out," the brunette smiled.

"If it makes you happy, it makes me happy," the pilot smiled back.

* * *

The teenagers walked hand-in-hand from the train station, with Shinji smiling happily at the simple and honest display of affection.

"Shinji-kun," Kodama started hesitantly as they approached the shopping district.

"Yes, Kodama-san," the pilot said, turning his happy smile towards his girlfriend.

"I think we're being followed..."

Frowning, Shinji turned around to see Tendo from Section Two tailing them. "It's ok, Kodama-san, it's Tendo-san. He's a friend."

"Are you sure he's a friend? He looks a little dodgy..." the brunette said, unconvinced.

"He's with NERV Security, he's part of a team that's been assigned to make sure I'm ok," the young man explained.

"Is everything alright, Shinji-kun?" Tendo asked, his keen vision scanning the immediate area for threats.

"Kodama-san was worried that you were following us."

"Oh, right, here's my ID," Tendo smiled reassuringly.

Kodama looked at the laminated photograph and text. "I see..."

"I'm sorry for following you like this, but it's my duty to watch out for Shinji-kun. He's very important."

"I know, but..."

The black-suited man put his ID back in his pocket. "I can hold back a little, but if there's a problem, let me know, ok?"

"Of course we will, Tendo-san," Shinji nodded before taking Kodama's hand and leading her to the shops.

* * *

Kodama was looking at the latest albums in the popular music section. She turned around to ask Shinji what artists he liked. "Shinji-kun... Wait, where are you, Shinji-kun?"

Shinji was looking at the classic rock titles, pondering if he should get the individual albums or the greatest hits collection when a blonde girl approached him.

"Hi there."

"Hello," Shinji smiled politely. "Am I in your way?"

"Oh no, I'm just looking for this," the girl said as she reached over for a random album that was on the top row of the shelving. 'This should catch his attention...'

Shinji nodded, but swiftly turned his attention to his two album choices, completely ignoring the blonde's flirtatious actions.

'Wait, did he even notice me?' the girl thought darkly. She turned away and loosened her shirt slightly to show off some more cleavage. Turning back to face Shinji, she introduced herself. "Hi, my name's Kyoko Hayami, what's yours?"

"Shinji Ikari," the pilot said looking directly at Kyoko's face before turning his attention back to the albums in his hands. 'If I get the greatest hits, I'll have all the popular songs, but some of these are good songs that aren't on there.

'What? Why isn't he staring at my chest? Is he gay or something?' Kyoko asked herself. "So, do you have a girlfriend?"

"Yes," Shinji said, looking up. "Kodama-san's over there."

Kyoko cursed under her breath as the pilot waved his girlfriend over.

"Hello, Kyoko-chan," Kodama greeted. Her expression turned frosty when she noticed how much skin she was showing.

"Hello Kodama-chan," the blonde smiled back. "So, this is the famous Shinji, eh?"

"Yes, it is," the brunette said, stepping between her boyfriend and friend.

Kyoko leaned in to whisper to her friend. "I was expecting something... more, Kodama-chan."

"More?" Kodama whispered back.

"Yeah, I mean... look at him, he doesn't look like much."

Shinji looked up at his girlfriend and smiled, blissfully unaware of what Kyoko was planning.

Kodama's phone rang. It was Hikari. "What's up, Hikari-chan?"

"¬Onee-chan, is there anything you want for dinner tonight?¬"

"I don't know if I'll be home for dinner yet."

Kyoko smiled. "Ho-ho."

The brunette glared her classmate before stepping away for some privacy. "What were you thinking of making?"

When they were alone, Kyoko stepped up to Shinji and fluttered her eyelids at him. "So then, Shinji-kun..."

"Is there something in your eye?" Shinji replied, completely misunderstanding the situation.

"Oh, stop playing so innocent, Shinji-kun," the blonde chided as she took Shinji's hand and placed on her left breast. "Can't you feel how my heart's racing just from being around you?"

The pilot nodded. He tried to pull his hand away as he looked for Kodama, but Kyoko held his hand in place.

"Isn't this nice?" Kyoko purred into Shinji's ear.

"Hey!" a male voice shouted from the end of the aisle. "Get your hands of Kyoko-chan or I'll break your face!"

* * *

To be continued...

Pre-read by Chi Vayne and previewed various intertubes.

* * *

Omake

* * *

Shinji sighed before recounting the tale. "I was still shaken up by piloting Unit-01 and Misato-san thought that it would be better if I wasn't alone and she arranged for me to stay with her."

"And then what?"

"And then she said, 'No, Shinji, you are the demons' and then I was a zombie."

"So that explains the smell."

"And the brains in his bento."


	12. Chapter 12

I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: People who live in glass houses should masturbate in the basement.

* * *

Chapter 12

* * *

Shunsuke Tendo dialled Section Two. "It's Tendo here; I need a wagon at the Sunshine Media Store ASAP. It looks like someone's got a problem with Shinji-kun."

"¬Saito and Nakata are on their way.¬"

Putting away his phone, the black-suited man approached the unfolding disturbance.

* * *

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" a boy of 17 with long black hair demanded from Shinji. "Just what makes you think that you'll get away with groping my girlfriend?"

"I am not your girlfriend, Toshiro!" Kyoko spat at the newcomer.

Shinji struggled to get his hand off Kyoko's breast, but the blonde was keeping a tight grip. "She grabbed me!"

"Yeah, right! You junior high kids are all the same when you see a girl with big tits!" Toshiro scoffed, ignoring the blonde's protest.

Shinji shook his head in disbelief. "I've already got a girlfriend," he insisted, finally freeing his hand from Kyoko's chest.

"Still doesn't mean I'm not going kick your ass," Toshiro glared. His expression darkened when he saw the scrawny boy before him wear a look of relief. "Oh, so you think-"

Tendo cut off the threat by placing a hand on the long-haired boy's neck, his fingers curling around to apply some pressure on the throat.

"Sorry for the delay, Shinji-kun, I was calling for back up," he smiled as Toshiro slowly turned to him.

"Who are you?"

"We're Nerv security and you're under arrest," Saito explained as he jogged towards the scene.

"On what charge?" Toshiro demanded.

"Disturbing the peace and threatening behaviour for starters. Now, are you going to resist arrest?"

"You can't arrest me!"

"That would be a 'yes' then. Right, how this plays out is up to you. If you come quietly and explain what happened down at our office, you might get away with a few hours of community service and no criminal record," Saito explained. "You give us any lip and you'll spend a couple of days in a small detention cell while we decide how to deal with you. You kick up a fuss and you'll spend those days in prison with love-starved psychopaths who'll knock out your teeth and make you wear a dress.

"You raise a hand against one of us and I'll shoot you in the face. Your call."

Toshiro gulped nervously. "I... t-t-t-there's been a terrible misunderstanding!"

"Then you don't mind coming with us to clear it up, it's good to know the youth of today are reasonable people. Shinji-kun, we'll see you later."

"Ok, Saito-san, Tendo-san. Tell Nakata-san I said hello," Shinji smiled politely.

"Will do, Shinji-kun," Tendo saluted before he marched the long-haired boy out of the store.

"W-who were they?" Kyoko asked, turning to face Shinji.

"Yeah, Shinji-kun, who are they?" Kodama demanded.

"They're with Nerv's Section Two," the pilot answered. "Tendo-san, Saito-san and Nakata-san look out for me."

"Why are people from Nerv looking out for you?" the blonde asked. She paused for a moment. "Oh yeah, you're that pilot, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm not supposed to talk about it," Shinji said, feeling embarrassed.

"But as someone who's brave and risking his life to save us all, surely you need some reward," Kyoko said clasping Shinji's hand back to her breast. "And I can think of just the thing..."

"It's alright," Shinji said, in as stern a voice as he could muster. "I am flattered by your interest in me, but I have a girlfriend who I'm very happy with."

"Yeah, Kyoko-chan," Kodama said as she pulled her boyfriend away. "Let's go home, Shinji-kun."

"Would you like me to make you something nice for dinner, Kodama-san?" the pilot asked as he was escorted out of the shop.

"Wait, Shinji-kun can cook?" the blonde demanded.

"He's an excellent cook," the brunette said, turning to flash her classmate with a smirk. "And that's not the only room he knows his way around, Kyoko-chan."

"He's cute, brave, can cook and is good at sex? I want in!" Kyoko begged shamelessly. "I don't mind being the other woman!"

"Have some self-respect, Kyoko-chan," Kodama chided. "You'll get a bad reputation. Let's go home, Shinji-kun."

'That should teach her a lesson,' the brunette thought as she left with Shinji.

* * *

Shinji opened the door to the apartment and removed his shoes.

"Are you alright, Kodama-san?" he asked. "I'm sorry that we had to cut our date short. I feel I should make it up to you."

"Well, if you really think that you need to make it up to me, I can think of something you could do..." Kodama teased as she closed the door and removed her own footwear. When she looked at Shinji, she could see by the innocent expression on his face that he didn't know what she meant.

"What can I do, Kodama-san?"

"Well, you could do the boyfriend thing with me. You know, the fun bedroom stuff," the brunette said as she embraced the pilot. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "And we did buy some olive oil..."

Shinji blushed as he finally put all the pieces together. "Ok, Kodama-san, we can do the French Flipper Trick."

"I love you, Shinji Ikari," Kodama declared before kissing the pilot with all her might.

The young Ikari found it difficult to return the sentiment, given the way his girlfriend's tongue was wrestling his and how her hands were groping his ass.

* * *

Misato was glad when her shift was over. She knocked on Ritsuko's office door.

"Yo, Ritsuko, you ready to go home?" she asked, clearly tired by her working day.

"Hang on," the bottle-blonde said as she let loose a flurry of key strokes. After a minute, she moved the mouse cursor to save her work and initiate the daily backup. "Ready when you are, Misato. What's Shinji making for dinner?"

"I have no idea," the Captain answered. "He might not even be back from his date yet."

"Date? You mean you let Shinji-kun...?" Ritsuko checked herself as she noticed the disapproving look her roommate was giving her. "What?"

"You know," Misato sighed. "You should choose someone closer to your own age. Or at least someone who isn't a child."

"You can't tell me that you haven't considered having a little fun with Shinji-kun, Misato."

"True, but I've been able to control myself a little better than you, Ritsuko. I haven't been trying to force Shinji-kun into doing something he doesn't want to," the purple-haired woman countered. "You'll just have to find something else to do with your spare time. Or go out bar-hopping to meet some guy. Hey, why not Aoba or Hyuga?"

Ritsuko lit up a cigarette. "Oh, and have a doomed office romance? No, thank you."

"What do you want me to say, Ritsuko?" Misato asked, becoming exasperated with the matter. "I don't want to see you in a crappy relationship, but I can't let you keep acting like you are around Shinji-kun. Something's got to change."

"Ok, but you know what that flipper trick felt like. Everything else is going to feel like clumsy teenage fumbling. Imagine what it would be like if you could only have water to quench your thirst," Ritsuko said as she took her labcoat off and placed it over the back of her chair.

"You may have a point, Ritsuko, but you could be more subtle about it."

* * *

Misato opened the door to her apartment and saw that there was another pair of shoes.

"Oh, it seems that Shinji's got company," she noted with a smirk.

Ritsuko clenched her jaw but said nothing, instead stepping inside and shedding her own shoes. When Misato left to use the bathroom, the blonde tiptoed over to Shinji's room and opened the door.

She was greeted by the sight of Shinji, lying naked on his back with a sleeping girl, equally naked draped on top of him.

"You kids and your debauchery," the scientist chided.

"Wh? Oh, Dr. Akagi, I didn't hear you come in," Shinji said groggily. "I'll get started on dinner."

"No..." Kodama said, moving to straddle him. "Dinner can wait until I've had my turn making you feel as good as you make me, Shinji-kun."

"Ahem."

The brunette shook her head and turned to face the theatrically coughing Ritsuko. "What are you doing here? This is Shinji-kun's room."

"Oh, so that's why dinner's not ready," Misato said walking up to the doorway. "I hope you've been using protection."

"Well, actually, we haven't done it properly yet," Kodama said. "Whenever we fool around, Shinji-kun always goes first and I'm too tired to return the favour."

"So, you're saying that you're blue-balling Shinji-kun?" Ritsuko asked, folding her arms across her chest. "That's hardly seems fair, now does it, Shinji-kun?"

"It's not about me feeling good, Dr. Akagi," Shinji insisted. "Uncle Rocco taught me that I should take care of my partner's needs first, no matter how many there are."

"So you're saying that you could get Kodama-chan here off and then satisfy me and Misato before you shot your load?" the faux-blonde asked in a challenging tone. "I could believe your Uncle Rocco can do it, but a teenage boy? That's another matter."

"Ritsuko, what are you doing?" the Captain asked through clenched teeth.

"Proving to myself why I need a man, not a boy, Misato," Ritsuko answered with a smirk. "You know, like you said earlier."

Shinji frowned. He wasn't an egotistical person by any means, but that didn't mean he didn't have feelings or never felt his pride wounded. He looked up at Kodama, noticing how her long brown hair cascaded over her shoulders. He recalled how her slender body tasted, how she moaned in pleasure when he'd kissed her pert breasts.

"Kodama-san, I'm sorry, but Uncle Rocco would want me to answer this challenge. Please forgive me."

"What?" Kodama's question was cut off by her boyfriend shifting from under her and sitting up to plant gentle kisses on her face.

Slowly the pilot moved down, his tongue tracing patterns on the brunette's soft mounds. She moaned his name softly, causing the two older women to look at each other.

"Seems he's got good technique," Ritsuko conceded. Her attention was quickly brought back to Kodama when she heard the brunette scream loudly.

Shinji kissed Kodama gently on the lips before laying her down on his futon. "Again, I'm really sorry about this, Kodama-san."

"It's alright, Shinji-kun," Kodama mumbled happily as she drifted off to sleep.

"What did you do to her?" Misato demanded as Shinji climbed up off the bed and approached her and Ritsuko.

"I'll show you on Dr. Akagi."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Shinji return from cleaning himself up. "Is there anything in particular that you'd like for dinner?"

Misato, having collapsed onto Ritsuko shook her head.

Ritsuko, however, had recovered enough of her faculties to respond verbally. "Anything you make will be fine, Shinji-kun. Although..."

"Although what, Dr. Akagi?" the pilot asked.

"I do now have a taste for beefcake and mansausage..." the faux blonde leered.

"Please don't say things like that," Shinji blushed.

"Yeah," the brunette said, propping herself up on the futon. "Stop lusting after my boyfriend!"

"Based on recently submitted evidence, I think that there's enough Shinji to go around," Ritsuko smirked. She shook the semi-naked Misato back into full consciousness. "Come on, Misato, we need to get cleaned up for dinner."

"Yeah," the Captain agreed. "You know, I think I passed out for a moment. Err, Shinji, where did you...?"

"I didn't," the pilot said. When he realised that he was the centre of attention, he blushed again. "Nobody said that I had to. Besides, Uncle Rocco taught me that there's a time and a place for the money shot."

"Are you saying you can ejaculate on command?" the scientist asked as she fumbled through her discarded clothes for her cigarettes.

"Sometimes, when I'm not too nervous," Shinji answered. "Please stop looking at me like that."

* * *

Dinner was a strange affair. While the ladies present weren't bothered by Shinji's nudity, or their own state of undress, the speculative looks they were giving him made the pilot feel slightly uncomfortable.

"Would you like some tea?" he asked.

"No, thank you, Shinji-kun," Kodama smiled.

"I'll go for a beer," Misato said, absently stretching her arms above her head.

"Ok, what about you, Dr. Akagi?"

"I'll have a beer too. And please, call me 'Ritsuko'," the faux-blonde smiled.

When Shinji left to get the drinks, Ritsuko and Misato turned to Kodama.

"If you hurt Shinji-kun, you're going to lose him," Misato warned.

"And if you do, whoever picks him up on the rebound won't let him go," Ritsuko added.

"Like I'd risk losing Shinji-kun!" the brunette scoffed. "I'd do anything for Shinji-kun."

"Yeah, me too," the scientist sighed. She coughed when she realised just what she'd said. "I mean, I understand your position."

Misato rolled her eyes. "When are you moving out, Ritsuko?"

"I don't know. But I'm not sure I'm in a hurry..."

* * *

The next day at NERV, Ritsuko recalled that Rei Ayanami needed to be issued with her new identification. She looked at the laminated card and shrugged.

'I can't be bothered to deal with that. Maybe I can convince Misato to do it?'

Picking up the phone, the bottle blonde called her friend with the bad news.

"¬Sorry, Ritsuko,¬" the Captain said. "¬I'm too busy for that. Maybe you could get Section Two to drop it off. Failing that, I don't think that Shinji's got plans for tomorrow afternoon.¬"

"Yeah, I guess. I'll ask him after dinner tonight."

* * *

Kodama strolled into her classroom with a smile on her face. The class representative, Tohru Kanzaki noted that it was becoming something of a regular occurrence. She wondered if it was thanks to her relationship with Shinji Ikari.

"Good morning, Kodama-chan," she smiled.

"Good morning, Tohru-chan."

"Judging by the smile on your face, you've been spending time with Shinji-kun."

"Oh yes," Kodama sighed happily as she took her seat. "Shinji-kun..."

Kyoko Hayami entered the room, her posture downbeat.

"Mornin' all," she greeted half-heartedly. The blonde set her bag down before turning to see Kodama. She found herself irritated by the brunette's chipper attitude. "I take it you had fun with Shinji last night."

"Don't be so bitter, Kyoko-chan. It's not your fault you couldn't seduce Shinji-kun," Kodama smirked. "He's just too much of a gentleman."

"About that," Kyoko said, raising a finger. "Just what have you been doing with him? I mean, we're all women of the world here; we have some experience. Just what are you doing with him to keep his attention like that?"

"Sometimes, it's just being in the right place at the right time, Kyoko-chan. As for what I do with Shinji-kun, well, it's not right to kiss and tell."

"Oh," Tohru pouted. "You can't keep this a secret forever, Kodama-chan. You have to tell us!"

"What? Not you too, Tohru-chan! Fine, but all I can say is that I think that Shinji-kun could make me feel good with any part of his body."

* * *

After school, Shinji had been called into NERV. The young Ikari looked at the ID card Misato had handed to him.

"Why do you want me to give this to Ayanami-san?"

"Because Ritsuko's lazy," Misato sniped.

"What about you, Misato-san?" the pilot asked.

"I'm too busy. I've got to talk with Section Two about that boy who was harassing you the other day."

"Oh. Ok."

* * *

Shinji rang the doorbell on Rei's apartment, but there was no reply. He knocked on the door and found that it was unlocked.

"H-hello?" he called out.

Scanning the hallway, Shinji noticed just how untidy the apartment was. It caused the young Ikari to shudder as he was unable to fight his urge to tidy.

So engrossed with his self-appointed task, Shinji was unaware that Rei had stepped out of the shower.

"Ikari-kun?" she asked as she towelled her blue hair dry. "What are you doing here?"

"I... I can explain," the male pilot insisted, rushing to his feet. Unfortunately, he suffered a rush of blood to the head and became slightly disorientated and lost his balance.

Rei blinked once as she assessed the situation. While it was a scenario that she had been made aware of, it was not something that she had encountered herself.

"This is confusing," the naturally blue-haired girl mused. "I was not aware that situations like this actually occurred outside of certain types of entertainment."

"I'm sorry, Ayanami-san," Shinji apologised as his brain finally came back online. "I didn't mean to touch you like that, it was instinct."

"I see," Rei replied neutrally as her visitor climbed off and scrambled backwards to a respectful distance. "While I did not appreciate the intrusion, it was not an unpleasant experience. What is the purpose of your visit?"

"Dr. Akagi asked me to give you something," the young Ikari said as he appeared to fumble with his trousers. He looked up to see the still neutral expression on the girl's face and raised his hands in a placating way. "It's your new NERV ID."

"I see," Rei said, although she was unable to explain the strange feeling of disappointment that she was suddenly experiencing. "Thank you, Ikari-kun."

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Ayanami-san. I shouldn't have touched you or your things," Shinji bowed again. "I just reacted when I saw the mess."

The blue-haired pilot looked around at the squalid apartment. "Do you think that you could assist me with the cleaning of this apartment?"

"Yes," the young man nodded. He caught sight of a clock. "Unfortunately, I need to be going to make dinner for Misato-san, but I can come back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Rei considered. "Yes, tomorrow would be satisfactory. We will require cleaning materials. We will purchase them on the way home from school."

Shinji was a little surprised at Rei's forwardness, but assumed that his actions were the catalyst for motivating the girl into cleaning her apartment. "Ok, I'll let Misato-san know that she'll have to make tomorrow's dinner herself."

* * *

"What? You mean you're not cooking dinner tomorrow?" Misato pouted. "But it's your turn."

For once, Misato Katsuragi wasn't trying to trick Shinji into cooking when it wasn't his turn.

"I'm sorry, Misato-san, but I have to help Ayanami-san clean her apartment," the young Ikari insisted. "It's absolutely filthy, worse than when I moved in here."

"Hey!" the Captain protested in mock indignation.

"What I mean, Misato-san," Shinji said, hoping that he hadn't offended his guardian. "Is that it was just untidy before I moved in. I dread to think when the floors in Ayanami-san's apartment were last cleaned. The kitchen looked like a health hazard, too."

"Oh. But still, it's your turn to cook tomorrow."

"How about I leave you something that you just need to heat up?" the pilot asked. "I'll even leave it in microwaveable containers so you and Ritsuko-san can eat when you're hungry."

Placated, Misato nodded reluctantly. "You better behave yourself at Rei's," she teased. "I know how filthy you teenagers can get."

Knowing that he was being teased, Shinji shook his head and left to see what food there was for him to prepare something suitable.

* * *

To be continued...

Pre-read by Chi Vayne and previewed on various intertubes.

Until the next time.


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